(Short version) Dealing with your partner after a fight. Just let go?

[Nuno2015]

So this is a short version not to bother you.

 

(...)

The thing is, sometimes, like everybody, we have our discussions. I really don't like that, so, when things are ok again, I like to talk about what happened, peacefully, explaining myself better, in order to get things strait.

 

She says that I shouldn't be so "woodpecker in the brains" (best way to translate the idea). I believe it's healthy to come to your partner and say "Hey, I need to talk to you about the other day" And do this maintening

calmness and respect, but she falls again in a fight, and draggs me with her.

 

She prefers to fight and it's over. She yells, I yell and each one goes way with his own reason. Period, over, don't mention it again.

 

I prefer to sit down and make like a peace talk, instead of just forgeting, I prefer to get things strait. To make her understant my point, and if possible to make her realise that she should apologize. But I can't, she never says she understands my point, she's always wright, never says, ok, I acted wrongly. Sometimes she just says "Ok, I'm sorry".

 

If I do it my way, like this, the fight starts again. So I'm obliged to just forgive and forget. If I do it my way, sex gets further away.

 

How is it with you? How do you deal with a situation like this? Do you have similar problems? Should I just be a cool guy, and let go?

 

Thank you.

[Mr. Lucky]

I prefer to sit down and make like a peace talk, instead of just forgeting, I prefer to get things strait. To make her understant my point, and if possible to make her realise that she should apologize. But I can't, she never says she understands my point, she's always wright, never says, ok, I acted wrongly. Sometimes she just says "Ok, I'm sorry".

 

If I do it my way, like this, the fight starts again. So I'm obliged to just forgive and forget. If I do it my way, sex gets further away.

 

How is it with you? How do you deal with a situation like this? Do you have similar problems? Should I just be a cool guy, and let go?

 

I tend to look at fights as an opportunity to voice my thoughts rather than a debate to be won. If my wife's doing something that bothers me, I'd normally want to tell her so, explaining why I feel the way I do.

 

But from there it's up to her, and I have to accept she may not feel the same way or see things the same way I do. Much like Facebook arguments, very few marital fights end up with a clear "winner". Life's rarely so black and white, you may need to recalibrate your expectations...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Nuno2015]

Thank you, that was a very good help.

 

I'll try to do it that way and you know, I guess she will listen. Who knows, maybe things will fit in it's place, in her mind.

 

Thank you

 

Anyone else, please?

[preraph]

That's because she doesn't think you are right. She believes she is right. You disagree. You either compromise or get past it. You can't go into it with the attitude that you are always right because you're not. You agree to disagree and hope it's not a recurring subject. I'm sure she very much resents you trying to continue to convince her she's wrong and not only that, but that she should apologize. I'm sure she feels you don't respect that she has her own brain and her own opinions and doesn't have to defer to yours. So compromise if it's anything you can compromise on and live with it or leave if it's that important.

[shydad]

How is it with you? How do you deal with a situation like this?

Hi Nuno2015, this is an important topic, and I'm glad you brought it up. I like to wait to talk about upsetting topics, after the feelings are all gone. Feelings can override logical thought, and as such, negative feelings have no place in a relationship problem solving discussion, imo. I prefer to wait several days, or even a week or two, until the time and setting is perfect, and the only feelings I have are love and admiration. This can be a great way of bonding too.