We were dating for 2 months, then after our first argument she deleted me.

[Mike Phelan]

I've been dating this girl for the past 2 months, we've been speaking almost every day and seeing each other every week.

 

The last 2 weeks when she came over, she left early both times and I got annoyed. The first time was because I was drinking with my friends all day and when she came over I was drunk. She said she wanted to come drink more with me that night when I got home, but she was annoyed when she was here with me. Then when she got home she messaged me to say please don't be mad with her for going home early but she felt like she couldn't talk to me cos I was too drunk. Fair enough I say it's ok I understand, and I say next week we will go out for a date. She's happy now

 

The night before she tells me she has a sudden job interview tomorrow (she's gone for a couple recently, she's looking for a new job) so she can only come to my home around 3 pm. Our date we had planned was something that was gona be from the morning. When she arrives, she says her mind is confused bout the job and she's stressed out, she doesn't feel like hanging out she wants to go home to be alone. Now I got even more annoyed cos it's 2 weeks in a row, but I can see she isn't bothered and now is annoyed with me. We chat a little the next few days, but I can feel she's cold. Then after about 5 days I asked her watsup. She freaks out at me that I don't respect her decision when she wants to go be alone or doesn't want to be at my house and says she really hates that. So I explain to her that I was only annoyed cos I wanted to spend more time with her but I apologise and say I understand her point of view. She says thank you.

 

Well, I gave her a little space after that and didn't contact her for like a week. Then I messaged her and asked her are we cool? She doesn't reply. 2 days later I try call her, she doesn't pick up. A few hours after the call I noticed she straight up deleted me...

Up until this point our relationship has been chilled ,no pressure from either of us, why would she cut me off completely without even talking it through??

[Silver_star]

Maybe its stress, life changes, other people she is more interested in seeing.

Only she knows the real answer to that, but since she deleted you it sounds like she isnt interested in explaining herself. Just let her go.

 

It sounds like she wasnt really feeling it that much with you.

It's just 2 months, and if seeing her has been as spaced out as you say here... She probably started to lose interest after the first few dates. Sorry for the hurts

[Beachead]

I've been dating this girl for the past 2 months, we've been speaking almost every day and seeing each other every week.

 

The last 2 weeks when she came over, she left early both times and I got annoyed. The first time was because I was drinking with my friends all day and when she came over I was drunk. She said she wanted to come drink more with me that night when I got home, but she was annoyed when she was here with me. Then when she got home she messaged me to say please don't be mad with her for going home early but she felt like she couldn't talk to me cos I was too drunk. Fair enough I say it's ok I understand, and I say next week we will go out for a date. She's happy now

 

The night before she tells me she has a sudden job interview tomorrow (she's gone for a couple recently, she's looking for a new job) so she can only come to my home around 3 pm. Our date we had planned was something that was gona be from the morning. When she arrives, she says her mind is confused bout the job and she's stressed out, she doesn't feel like hanging out she wants to go home to be alone. Now I got even more annoyed cos it's 2 weeks in a row, but I can see she isn't bothered and now is annoyed with me. We chat a little the next few days, but I can feel she's cold. Then after about 5 days I asked her watsup. She freaks out at me that I don't respect her decision when she wants to go be alone or doesn't want to be at my house and says she really hates that. So I explain to her that I was only annoyed cos I wanted to spend more time with her but I apologise and say I understand her point of view. She says thank you.

 

Well, I gave her a little space after that and didn't contact her for like a week. Then I messaged her and asked her are we cool? She doesn't reply. 2 days later I try call her, she doesn't pick up. A few hours after the call I noticed she straight up deleted me...

Up until this point our relationship has been chilled ,no pressure from either of us, why would she cut me off completely without even talking it through??

 

Unfortunately, the only person who can truly answer your question is her but she bailed in the most cowardly way possible.

 

Now what does that tell you?

 

It tells me, she wasn't invested. She was unaccountable and self-centered and selfish and you are better off..because imagine her doing this to you 3 years down the road or if you two ever got married.

 

Basically..she had problems regarding the relationship but didn't have the respect talk it out with you like an adult. Why? Because she wasn't invested in the relationship to begin with. Whatever her reasons for getting into a relationship were were not valid reasons. (Maybe she used the relationship to escape her problems. Maybe she was an insecure mess and afraid to be alone and being with someone made her feel attractive...so out of fear of being alone, she got together with you. These are examples of reasons that don't carry any longevity. Eventually the relationship loses it's painkilling effect just like all painkillers do and they are back to feeling empty again.) Because she wasn't invested, she didn't communicate with you which is what she should have done if she was really in it for the long haul. Instead, she left you in the dark and far worse, ghosted you with complete disregard for your feelings.

 

When people are in a relationship they want to be in...they communicate. Look for solutions. Ways to solve problems. They don't create distance. They are invested. Apart from a few extreme situations in an argument that can solely justify the end of a relationship such as being racist, insulting ones family, swearing at eachother like saying "F*ck you" ..people should be able to talk it out and move forward together. Invested people with both feet in the door do that. Doesn't matter if you say things the other doesn't agree with or wants to hear...if you care and are invested, you'll think about it, you'll try to process it and you'll figure it out and the two of you will work through it together. Arguments are necessary for growth.

 

A relationship isn't a solo deal. Both people are opening up to eachother in the most intimate ways..emotionally, physically. They understand they have someone elses heart in their hands. They know what heartbreak feels like and even if they don't..they don't want to be responsible for destroying someone and so they handle the emotions with care and love. There is degree of responsibility and accountability for eachother's state of mind because of that. Adults understand this. Your ex is not an adult though. As proven by her childish actions, she is a child.

 

- Beach

Edited April 11, 2019 by Beachead

[basil67]

Your title talks about an argument, but you don't describe an argument in your post. Yes, you describe being frustrated and disappointed, but not arguing.

 

If you said something awful during an argument, it could easily be why she has blocked you.

[Mike Phelan]

Your title talks about an argument, but you don't describe an argument in your post. Yes, you describe being frustrated and disappointed, but not arguing.

 

If you said something awful during an argument, it could easily be why she has blocked you.

 

"Now I got even more annoyed cos it's 2 weeks in a row, but I can see she isn't bothered and now is annoyed with me. We chat a little the next few days, but I can feel she's cold. Then after about 5 days I asked her watsup. She freaks out at me that I don't respect her decision when she wants to go be alone or doesn't want to be at my house and says she really hates that. So I explain to her that I was only annoyed cos I wanted to spend more time with her but I apologise and say I understand her point of view. She says thank you."

 

It wasn't really an argument, you are correct. I gave her a bit of **** for being weird with me, and she retaliated with I'm in the wrong for not giving her space and she's not into that. I eventually said I understand and she said thank you. I thought it was fine after that.

 

When I messaged her a week later, are we cool? I also said again I understand her point of view and I won't do it again.

[Mike Phelan]

Unfortunately, the only person who can truly answer your question is her but she bailed in the most cowardly way possible.

 

Now what does that tell you?

 

It tells me, she wasn't invested. She was unaccountable and self-centered and selfish and you are better off..because imagine her doing this to you 3 years down the road or if you two ever got married.

 

Basically..she had problems regarding the relationship but didn't have the respect talk it out with you like an adult. Why? Because she wasn't invested in the relationship to begin with. Whatever her reasons for getting into a relationship were were not valid reasons. (Maybe she used the relationship to escape her problems. Maybe she was an insecure mess and afraid to be alone and being with someone made her feel attractive...so out of fear of being alone, she got together with you. These are examples of reasons that don't carry any longevity. Eventually the relationship loses it's painkilling effect just like all painkillers do and they are back to feeling empty again.) Because she wasn't invested, she didn't communicate with you which is what she should have done if she was really in it for the long haul. Instead, she left you in the dark and far worse, ghosted you with complete disregard for your feelings.

 

When people are in a relationship they want to be in...they communicate. Look for solutions. Ways to solve problems. They don't create distance. They are invested. Apart from a few extreme situations in an argument that can solely justify the end of a relationship such as being racist, insulting ones family, swearing at eachother like saying "F*ck you" ..people should be able to talk it out and move forward together. Invested people with both feet in the door do that. Doesn't matter if you say things the other doesn't agree with or wants to hear...if you care and are invested, you'll think about it, you'll try to process it and you'll figure it out and the two of you will work through it together. Arguments are necessary for growth.

 

A relationship isn't a solo deal. Both people are opening up to eachother in the most intimate ways..emotionally, physically. They understand they have someone elses heart in their hands. They know what heartbreak feels like and even if they don't..they don't want to be responsible for destroying someone and so they handle the emotions with care and love. There is degree of responsibility and accountability for eachother's state of mind because of that. Adults understand this. Your ex is not an adult though. As proven by her childish actions, she is a child.

 

- Beach

 

 

Thanks mate I appreciate the reply. I tried 3 times to talk it out, even give her the chance to tell me she's not interested anymore. But deleting me after I try to reach out is overboard in my opinion, especially considering we been speaking everyday for the past 2 months.

 

Her last message in my phone to me is "thank you" after I said I'm sorry I understand her point of view. How could she delete me after that ?! Still dono ..

[Mike Phelan]

Maybe its stress, life changes, other people she is more interested in seeing.

Only she knows the real answer to that, but since she deleted you it sounds like she isnt interested in explaining herself. Just let her go.

 

It sounds like she wasnt really feeling it that much with you.

It's just 2 months, and if seeing her has been as spaced out as you say here... She probably started to lose interest after the first few dates. Sorry for the hurts

 

It's ok thanks for the reply. My head is telling me if she really liked me, this is not something to end things over, so she would've at least given me a shot to talk it over.

[Cersei]

Welcome to the world of being ghosted. It's the cowards way out of having an uncomfortable conversation. There is nothing you can do but move on.

 

Sorry you are going through this.

[Purepony]

I believe she met someone else or someone cane back because it sounds like she was looking just for anything or pick a fight with you so she could bail out on you

[Marc878]

Dating is a try out. Move on

[Beachead]

Thanks mate I appreciate the reply. I tried 3 times to talk it out, even give her the chance to tell me she's not interested anymore. But deleting me after I try to reach out is overboard in my opinion, especially considering we been speaking everyday for the past 2 months.

 

Her last message in my phone to me is "thank you" after I said I'm sorry I understand her point of view. How could she delete me after that ?! Still dono ..

 

You know why. As you can see by her actions..she is a rotten, selfish, unaccountable person. You're just not ready to accept it yet because it's too painful at the moment. But, she's not who she led you to believe. The pain you feel comes from the embarrassment and humiliation for being played for a fool and you're currently mourning the person you thought she was...not who she really was. Over time, your heart will catch up to this. But for now..I now how painful it is.

 

I know you're going to feel like you want to blame yourself but you really shouldn't because it's not you. It's her. It wasn't about the job interview. She had other problems regarding the relationship that she willingly kept from you simply because she wanted out. She didn't want to feel like the bad guy so she picked a fight with you over something meaningless to create an excuse to leave. It's all avoidant, cowardly behaviour. I've had to deal with stupid personalities like this for much of my life.

 

It screwed me up for a long time.

 

For one, I used to blame myself. "Maybe if I had been more like this. Maybe if I had worded my sentences like that. Maybe if I didn't get upset here." I was convinced that maybe if I had done everything the way they wanted, when they wanted. Said all the right things, acted the right way etc. ..it all would have worked out. It's lunacy. Because relationships aren't a one sided, self-serving transaction. They have to be 100/100 on both ends. She needs to give you 100% just as she expects in return. Needs to meet your needs as well.

 

The other thing that happened was every new person I met, I began to wonder if they'd go ahead and do something just as messed up to me. So you end up subconsciously building walls to protect yourself which might end up being the very reason you lose out on something great. In the end, the cowardly actions of someone else screw you over and make it that much harder to keep the heart open for someone new.

 

And having gone through such a agonizing process is why I have zero sympathy for people like this. In one simple reckless action, they could potentially screw your life up for years before you find your way back..if you ever do. Unfortunately there are a lot of people like this in the dating scene and often, no way to know what kind of a piece of trash they are until they pull this kind of stunt on you. I just hope you stay optimistic regardless of that. Take my advice and take some time off from the dating scene which is tragedy today because of people like your ex. Instead, spend time with people who are healthy for you. A friend or two. Family. People that love you. And focus on your goals and yourself for awhile. You need remind yourself that you're loved, you're a good person that and a good person that's doing some real good out there. Works wonders.

 

Stay Strong

 

- Beach

Edited April 12, 2019 by Beachead

[Purepony]

You know why. As you can see by her actions..she is a rotten, selfish, unaccountable person. You're just not ready to accept it yet because it's too painful at the moment. But, she's not who she led you to believe. The pain you feel comes from the embarrassment and humiliation for being played for a fool and you're currently mourning the person you thought she was...not who she really was. Over time, your heart will catch up to this. But for now..I now how painful it is.

 

I know you're going to feel like you want to blame yourself but you really shouldn't because it's not you. It's her. It wasn't about the job interview. She had other problems regarding the relationship that she willingly kept from you simply because she wanted out. She didn't want to feel like the bad guy so she picked a fight with you over something meaningless to create an excuse to leave. It's all avoidant, cowardly behaviour. I've had to deal with stupid personalities like this for much of my life.

 

It screwed me up for a long time.

 

For one, I used to blame myself. "Maybe if I had been more like this. Maybe if I had worded my sentences like that. Maybe if I didn't get upset here." I was convinced that maybe if I had done everything the way they wanted, when they wanted. Said all the right things, acted the right way etc. ..it all would have worked out. It's lunacy. Because relationships aren't a one sided, self-serving transaction. They have to be 100/100 on both ends. She needs to give you 100% just as she expects in return. Needs to meet your needs as well.

 

The other thing that happened was every new person I met, I began to wonder if they'd go ahead and do something just as messed up to me. So you end up subconsciously building walls to protect yourself which might end up being the very reason you lose out on something great. In the end, the cowardly actions of someone else screw you over and make it that much harder to keep the heart open for someone new.

 

And having gone through such a agonizing process is why I have zero sympathy for people like this. In one simple reckless action, they could potentially screw your life up for years before you find your way back..if you ever do. Unfortunately there are a lot of people like this in the dating scene and often, no way to know what kind of a piece of trash they are until they pull this kind of stunt on you. I just hope you stay optimistic regardless of that. Take my advice and take some time off from the dating scene which is tragedy today because of people like your ex. Instead, spend time with people who are healthy for you. A friend or two. Family. People that love you. And focus on your goals and yourself for awhile. You need remind yourself that you're loved, you're a good person that and a good person that's doing some real good out there. Works wonders.

 

Stay Strong

 

- Beach

 

 

 

Right on beach head ! Well said

[Mike Phelan]

Welcome to the world of being ghosted. It's the cowards way out of having an uncomfortable conversation. There is nothing you can do but move on.

 

Sorry you are going through this.

 

Thank you...

 

It's my first time being ghosted like this, it does feel a lot worse than other rejections in the past because I reached out to her a few times after the argument, and to just ghost out like this after 1 argument rather than a quick chat telling me how she feels is mind blowing.

[ExpatInItaly]

I agree with a couple other posters here that she was looking for a way out and staged a fight to end it.

 

What the real reason is, you'll probably never really know. Perhaps she's met someone else or an ex came back. It could be anything. But it wasn't about the job interview and resulting stress, in my opinion.

[elaine567]

You see each other once a week and in her allotted time slot you got drunk with friends, I guess that did not endear you to her and the next weekly slot she used an excuse to go home early.

 

I guess the real damage was done by you taking her for granted and making your friends your priority, no woman likes that...

[Beachead]

@elaine567

 

Nobody knows what the real reason is and even if that were true, it doesn't excuse the course of action she took. If she had a problem or wanted out, that's fine..but then put on those big girl pants, be an adult, and owe the guy an explanation. Don't bail like a coward. It's weak.

 

A move like this generates distrust, disloyalty in an already difficult dating community and ends up making the few remaining decent people, colder..more detached.

Edited April 12, 2019 by Beachead

[S2B]

You sounds young.

 

I want space = break up.

 

In case you didn’t get the memo...

[sandrawg]

Thank you...

 

It's my first time being ghosted like this, it does feel a lot worse than other rejections in the past because I reached out to her a few times after the argument, and to just ghost out like this after 1 argument rather than a quick chat telling me how she feels is mind blowing.

 

Ghosting really sucks. I had a guy do this to me after 2 months. It was very upsetting, esp since we seemed to get along so well in so many areas.

 

A few months later he texted me w the "it's not you it's me" bs. "I thought I was ready but I wasn't."

 

ok dude, whatever, grow up.

 

Consider it a blessing. Anyone who would pull that game on you, is not worth even being friends with.

[sandrawg]

You sounds young.

 

I want space = break up.

 

In case you didn’t get the memo...

 

um, that's kind of insulting and dismissive.

 

Someone wanting space doesn't mean they want to break up.

 

If you wanna break up, SAY IT.

 

"space" means, let's not talk or hang out for a little while. Sometimes people need distance so the can think. Or they might have PTSD, like my most recent ex, and need to get away from people for a while.

[Inspire]

You see each other once a week and in her allotted time slot you got drunk with friends, I guess that did not endear you to her and the next weekly slot she used an excuse to go home early.

 

I guess the real damage was done by you taking her for granted and making your friends your priority, no woman likes that...

 

 

I agree with Elaine. This was definitely not a good move on your part. It isn't an excuse for her to ghost you, but she may have also had the impression that you don't really care either. If that's the case she may have felt somewhat justified... "If he doesn't really care, why should I."

 

Apologies are good and all, but sometimes situations happen that can cause a new relationship to turn sour real quick. Even though you were talking for 2 months, you had only seen each other a handful of times. Why weren't you two seeing each other more?

[Purepony]

The truth is he’s just bothered because he wasn’t expecting it and it caught him of guard

 

It happens, happens to the best of us

[Mike Phelan]

You know why. As you can see by her actions..she is a rotten, selfish, unaccountable person. You're just not ready to accept it yet because it's too painful at the moment. But, she's not who she led you to believe. The pain you feel comes from the embarrassment and humiliation for being played for a fool and you're currently mourning the person you thought she was...not who she really was. Over time, your heart will catch up to this. But for now..I now how painful it is.

 

I know you're going to feel like you want to blame yourself but you really shouldn't because it's not you. It's her. It wasn't about the job interview. She had other problems regarding the relationship that she willingly kept from you simply because she wanted out. She didn't want to feel like the bad guy so she picked a fight with you over something meaningless to create an excuse to leave. It's all avoidant, cowardly behaviour. I've had to deal with stupid personalities like this for much of my life.

 

It screwed me up for a long time.

 

For one, I used to blame myself. "Maybe if I had been more like this. Maybe if I had worded my sentences like that. Maybe if I didn't get upset here." I was convinced that maybe if I had done everything the way they wanted, when they wanted. Said all the right things, acted the right way etc. ..it all would have worked out. It's lunacy. Because relationships aren't a one sided, self-serving transaction. They have to be 100/100 on both ends. She needs to give you 100% just as she expects in return. Needs to meet your needs as well.

 

The other thing that happened was every new person I met, I began to wonder if they'd go ahead and do something just as messed up to me. So you end up subconsciously building walls to protect yourself which might end up being the very reason you lose out on something great. In the end, the cowardly actions of someone else screw you over and make it that much harder to keep the heart open for someone new.

 

And having gone through such a agonizing process is why I have zero sympathy for people like this. In one simple reckless action, they could potentially screw your life up for years before you find your way back..if you ever do. Unfortunately there are a lot of people like this in the dating scene and often, no way to know what kind of a piece of trash they are until they pull this kind of stunt on you. I just hope you stay optimistic regardless of that. Take my advice and take some time off from the dating scene which is tragedy today because of people like your ex. Instead, spend time with people who are healthy for you. A friend or two. Family. People that love you. And focus on your goals and yourself for awhile. You need remind yourself that you're loved, you're a good person that and a good person that's doing some real good out there. Works wonders.

 

Stay Strong

 

- Beach

 

thanks alot my friend for these words. Made me feel a whole lot better.

 

The maybe if I had done this and that differently questions are the ones going through my head the most. But as you said, its lunacy expecting everything to be exactly as the other person wants it.

 

If she can't have 1 decent conversation with me about how she feels, then she isn't someone to think about anymore

[Mike Phelan]

You see each other once a week and in her allotted time slot you got drunk with friends, I guess that did not endear you to her and the next weekly slot she used an excuse to go home early.

 

I guess the real damage was done by you taking her for granted and making your friends your priority, no woman likes that...

 

lol

 

her allotted time slot?! What is this, a doctor's appointment??? If she wanted to spend more time with me, she could've at any time.

 

and just to clear this up, she knew my plans that day from a few days before. If you actually read the post properly I said "She said she wanted to come drink more with me that night when I got home."

[Mike Phelan]

You sounds young.

 

I want space = break up.

 

In case you didn’t get the memo...

 

hahaha there just always has to be 1 like you in these comments

Edited April 13, 2019 by Mike Phelan

[Mike Phelan]

I agree with Elaine. This was definitely not a good move on your part. It isn't an excuse for her to ghost you, but she may have also had the impression that you don't really care either. If that's the case she may have felt somewhat justified... "If he doesn't really care, why should I."

 

Apologies are good and all, but sometimes situations happen that can cause a new relationship to turn sour real quick. Even though you were talking for 2 months, you had only seen each other a handful of times. Why weren't you two seeing each other more?

 

No I think you got that part wrong cos we have drank at my house a few times before that night, she enjoys it too. The plan that day was that I was hanging with my friends drinking during the day, and then in the evening when I head home she'd come over and we'd drink and hang out at my house, just the 2 of us. That's exactly what happened. She also messaged me when she got home that night to say sorry for going home early.

 

We both very chilled, non pressuring people, so we both happy with how much we were seeing each other. It wasn't always just once a week though, there were a couple times it was twice a week. Sometimes a couple days in a row too.