Rungirl1966 Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 I have been married for almost 7 years. It is my 2nd marriage and I am starting to think it was the worst mistake of my life. There were warning signs that I ignored because I was "in love." He is mentally abusive. He yells at me and calls me terrible names...bitch, cunt, whore. All of them. He tells me I am a baby because it makes me upset. He gets mad at me when we argue and I interrupt him when he is talking. He says that that upsets him more than him calling me names, and that I hurt his feelings when I interrupt him. Usually it's because I can't get a word in. I am not a saint, but I don't think anyone should be treated like he treats me. The problem is, he has ruined my credit and we are broke. He doesn't have a job that pays him consistently. He is a builder and this year he has contributed about $5,000 total. I have a decent job and have even had to pay his child support in February,which adds up to $750 per month!!! And since he hasn't worked in two weeks, I'll be paying it next week. My kids don't like him, and one of my daughters is not respectful of him in our house. A few years ago she got into a yelling match with him because he and I were having a loud discussion in our room and all the kids could hear. He gets angry with me because I haven't "put her in her place" so she thinks she can be disrespectful. I talk to my kids and I have good kids. I am not a yeller; I don't scream at my kids. Even when we have arguments about money, jobs, etc, our arguments always go back to my kids being bad. Nothing to do with what we are talking about. I can't win. I am so done but feel trapped in this relationship. I don't know what to do. I am 52 years old. I just feel lost and hopeless. The only way we stop fighting is when I say I'm sorry and it's my fault. But honestly, I don't feel like any of it is my fault. I can't bring up anything that's bothering me, ie money, bills, whatever, without him going off the rails. I usually keep it to myself until it shows on my face, but I'm scared to bring anything up to him. I'm just quiet and pull myself away. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 One thing you can do right now is to simply refuse to pay his child support. It really isn't your problem so don't make it your problem. The second thing you can do is stop apologizing to him. Finally, when he gets verbally abusive, remove yourself from the situation rather than continuing to engage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rungirl1966 Posted April 11, 2019 Author Share Posted April 11, 2019 One thing you can do right now is to simply refuse to pay his child support. It really isn't your problem so don't make it your problem. The second thing you can do is stop apologizing to him. Finally, when he gets verbally abusive, remove yourself from the situation rather than continuing to engage. The child support comes out of our joint checking account since he is self employed. I would love to stop it. I try to walk away from him but he will follow me to the other room. Last week I even left and he ran out to the front yard to yell at me in front of the neighbors. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 Go to the bank and have your name removed from the joint checking account and open your own account at another bank if possible. Save the child support money you've been paying to leave your husband and get your own place. His abuse will not stop. Here's a thread that might interest you: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/681462-abusive-relationship#post7773901 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 You need to get out of this situation as soon as possible! Forget about walking out of the room or whatever other tactic you can think of to stop his tirades. It won’t work. Your age isn’t relevant to anything about this horrible situation. Just get yourself and your kids out and do not discuss it with him. Get a new checking account, visit an attorney and find out what your options are. As soon as you leave this monster, have your paychecks moved to the new account. Get out, get out, get out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 (edited) The child support comes out of our joint checking account since he is self employed. I would love to stop it. I try to walk away from him but he will follow me to the other room. Last week I even left and he ran out to the front yard to yell at me in front of the neighbors. Absolutely open your own bank account and have your pay check deposited in your own account. Separate your money as much as possible. In fact, open a second account as a savings account and start saving whatever you can as you plan your exit strategy. Go to a women’s ahelter or call a domestic violence hotline and educate yourself on what you need to do to exit the situation safely. And part of educating yourself is consulting a lawyer, to learn what you can expect when you file for divorce. Do you have family or friends with whom you can live when you take your children and leave this man? You have lived life enough to know what you need to do to leave. Now, you need to do it. For yourself. And more importantly, for your children. Edited April 11, 2019 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 Sorry for this, I agree with others. Your husband sounds very upset and where's the love? None. Consider going away if you can. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 What do you mean by your no saint? Also, why have you continued to subject your children to his abuses? If you can't be strong enough to walk away for yourself then maybe you should put your children first and walk away for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Youngestdaughter Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 I cannot help but notice you didn't say you loved him or what he's like when he's not angry. Why is he in your house? If you had ANYTHING positive to say, I would suggest telling him to leave until he gets anger management therapy. Not all abusive people, male and female, are monsters. Some of them just can't control their tempers. But your guns has no remorse. Interrupting him hurts his feelings? Cry me a river. Tell him if he doesn't leave you will go to the bank and close the account and open another one and he will go to jail. I would bet he will harass you with phone calls. That's good. Because then you can file harassment charges and a restraining order. This is not a decision. You cannot expose your kids to this man anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 I cannot help but notice you didn't say you loved him or what he's like when he's not angry. Why is he in your house? If you had ANYTHING positive to say, I would suggest telling him to leave until he gets anger management therapy. Not all abusive people, male and female, are monsters. Some of them just can't control their tempers. But your guns has no remorse. Interrupting him hurts his feelings? Cry me a river. Tell him if he doesn't leave you will go to the bank and close the account and open another one and he will go to jail. I would bet he will harass you with phone calls. That's good. Because then you can file harassment charges and a restraining order. This is not a decision. You cannot expose your kids to this man anymore. I disagree. It's not relevant as to whether she loves him or not, or whether he has redeeming qualities or not. And, yes, abusers are monsters. They may hide in sheep's clothing at times but, deep down, they're monsters, sub-human. Most people have some redeeming qualities; that doesn't mean it's smart to stay in a relationship with them. She doesn't need to get caught up in that head game. She needs to just leave. And telling him about her plans to leave - changing bank accounts, etc - could actually prove detrimental. It's rarely wise to give these people any warning. Their worst fear is to be abandoned and when they realize that it's about to happen, it's often 'all bets off' for them. My advice is to never underestimate an abuser. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 (edited) It is an abusive relationship and the guy is busy ruining your reputation (your credit). Honestly, from what you have said, you need to get out as quickly as possible and get a divorce so that you are no longer liable for any debts he incurs after the divorce. Ask yourself: is this relationship going to get better? Don't you deserve a chance of a better future? Edited April 16, 2019 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 What do you get from this person? sex? people will never change. nothing you can do except get out and divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
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