How is a rebound relationship different from a genuine relationship?

[ieele]

how do people treat a rebound relationship?

 

Do you find the first person your slightly interested in and get into a relationship with him/her?

 

Did you show them a lot of affection like you would in a honeymoon phase? Do you show them minimum attention?

 

Would you call the person late at night? Go out on dates?

 

Basically how is it different from a real relationship?

 

Ext...

[preraph]

It varies. Lots of times it's just to get validation that you can still get a date or get sex or whatever, in other words, to make the person feel better. That sometimes morphs into them leaning on you for comfort and you starting to feel they really care about you because you're getting all this personal stuff from them. Most of the time, it's just sex and something to distract them and buoy them up emotionally. Most of the time, once the divorce is final, it's as if you barely existed and they're off to play the field and be single again with no strings.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

Basically how is it different from a real relationship?

 

 

The difference lies in the person's actual readiness to be in a relationship in the first place. In most cases, they think they are ready because they think a new person will take away their pain. It doesn't really become obvious that it's a rebound until the relationship fails because the person was not actually emotionally healed/ready for a new relationship.

[basil67]

I agree with CO. A person doesn't usually realise it's a rebound until it fails because they weren't ready. With this in mind, a rebound starts out like any other relationship. in 1992 I was separated from my ex-h only two months when I met my next partner - it could be argued that it was a rebound except for the fact that we're still together.

 

As far as your questions go:

Yes, proper dates, proper attention giving. And if a person is inclined to make late calls, I guess they'd happen in a rebound too.

[d0nnivain]

The person doing the rebounding, going from one relationship to the next before they are ready doesn't really think this through. They just know there is a hole in their life / heart from the EX's departure & they want that hole repaired. Rather then wait & heal, & do some soul searching, they just start intensely dating the next willing person who comes along because anything is better then being alone & experiencing the pain or having to do the work to figure out their role in what went wrong.

[kendahke]

How is a rebound relationship different from a genuine relationship?

 

 

Sustained and consistent emotional availability

[mortensorchid]

Depends. I think most people get into them not knowing that that's what it is unless they marry the person barely a year or two after breaking with the first person. They are motivated by trying to show the old person that they can get a date quicker or before the old person can. Or they were ready to take it to the next level and look at me now! I did it!

 

Watch out of the person talks about the ex a lot saying things like "Bob and I always wanted to go to Hawaii" or "Jane liked white wine at all times", etc. It's sad. Some people are so eager to have someone in their lives that they will get into rebounds and make terrible mistakes doing so.

[Hopeful30]

It's not about the relationship, its about the *intentions*. Both real and rebound relationships can include building a future, being good to each and getting to know each other better. The difference is when you're in a rebound relationship, you're doing it to fill a hole. In a real relationship, you are already whole.

[Hopeful30]

Depends. I think most people get into them not knowing that that's what it is unless they marry the person barely a year or two after breaking with the first person. They are motivated by trying to show the old person that they can get a date quicker or before the old person can. Or they were ready to take it to the next level and look at me now! I did it!

 

Watch out of the person talks about the ex a lot saying things like "Bob and I always wanted to go to Hawaii" or "Jane liked white wine at all times", etc. It's sad. Some people are so eager to have someone in their lives that they will get into rebounds and make terrible mistakes doing so.

 

Bolded. Happened to two of my exes. They wanted marriage and kids, but I didn't want that with them. Few months later, they each knocked up the next girl they dated and started a life together. Worst part is they were still calling me and wanting to see me. Told them how pathetic they were, and to focus on their family, which was their life now. We went our separate ways, so why were they still contacting me? Go live your life and let me live mine.

 

From what I know, they are still with these women. Rebounds? I don't know. Maybe initially, but I believe that even rebounds can turn into good relationships. One of my exes was a rebound, but he was the best bf I ever had and I'm still grateful for that experience, because it genuinely made me a better person. So you never know! All is possible.

Edited April 12, 2019 by Hopeful30

[smackie9]

Rebound is just full on infatuation to burn off the residual of a breakup...pretty much to get past the hurt and feel desired. About 3 months later they come down from that high and lose interest. It's kinda like a drunken one night stand. The evening is wild, you think they are hot a %^&*, then when the morning comes and you look over....ugh! I slept with that?!

[mortensorchid]

Rebounds happened to not 1 but 4 guys I was with. One was very cowardly (the break up was all by email btw), he met and married a woman barely a year later. From what I understand they are still together, but good riddance to everything he put me through. The second was the second love of my life - we were on the rocks, then I went away for 2 weeks and he took up with a much younger woman while I was gone. I returned and he was with her, and didn't bother to tell me that he was with her. Yet, we remained friends (only former bf I stayed friends with). I was at their wedding even though everyone said it will never work after they had been together for three years. Seven years later she divorced him and both he and her are remarried (him to Wife #3 and her to a woman). The 3rd treated me very badly - emotionally and verbally abusive to me - and barely a year later he married a woman he had known for 6 weeks. That lasted three years, she divorced him, married her lover the day after the divorce was final who became Husband #4 for her, and barely 6 months later divorced Husband #4. That was ten years ago, I think she's been married twice since. Then another? He and I were together for about 6 weeks if that, then he dumped me. About six months later he was engaged to be married to someone else, their marriage lasted 7 years.

 

SO the lesson here, kids, is don't get into a rebound. Give yourself time to heal and do things the right way.

[Lotsgoingon]

My experience of rebound is that instead of going through any grief and loss ... all of a sudden I was with someone and feeling blissed out infatuation.

 

My critical brain was totally shut off ... and I was just going out and enjoying the high of going out ... You will crash in a rebound ... because you're sorta floating in air ... feet are not on the ground ... there is little substance to the relationship.

 

Another possible sign of rebound: I remember being the feeling of being in love and infatuated with a woman who was nothing like any of the women I tended to like. We had so little in common ... but I didn't care ... I was riding those rebound fumes.

 

Rebound is like dating while high ... the high will ear out in not too long ... and you'll look up and wonder, what was I doing with this person I don't really even know.