FMW Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I hate to say it, but it's sounding like you are going to have to get burned a few more times by your wife in order to be ready to let her go. We all have our rock bottom limit, you just haven't reached yours yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostwithouther1980 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 I hate to say it, but it's sounding like you are going to have to get burned a few more times by your wife in order to be ready to let her go. We all have our rock bottom limit, you just haven't reached yours yet. I know what you mean, I thought I was there and had started to move on then she pulls at the heart strings and it makes me want to go back. I guess I am a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 A lot of us are fools when we love someone. It doesn't die easily. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I’m just finding it so tough, on one hand my new girlfriend is everything I have ever wanted. She’s kind, caring, funny, actually left me a little love note in my wallet for going away on holiday as she misses me(my wife never did anything like that). For all the positives and no negatives I just keep coming back to the fact that she’s not my wife. What the hell is wrong with me?? I’m honestly on the brink of cracking up I’d hate to be the one dating you - that’s hardly fair to your GF. You need professional help to understand where your boundary is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostwithouther1980 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 I’d hate to be the one dating you - that’s hardly fair to your GF. You need professional help to understand where your boundary is. I know what you are saying, I have been totally honest with my GF, she knows how I am feeling and is so understanding. She gets why I am feeling that way and doesn’t judge at all, she is really supportive and caring. Everything my wife hasn’t been for years so why the hell am I so torn?? Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Frankly, it doesn't sound like you are torn. You obviously love your wife, you want her and you even though you say the other woman is everything you've ever wanted, she isn't the one you want. You know who you want and who you love, and that's not the other woman. You've said you are a all or nothing at all person, so either you commit to waiting out for your wife or you commit to moving on from her. You shouldn't continue to string on the other woman, it's incredibly selfish to let her hope and fall deeper for you when you know clearly, that at the end of the day, even if after the divorce is finalized, you'll still go running back to your wife when she pulls you. Let the other woman go, let her find a man who can adore her and love her like she deserves. You know how soul crushing it is to wait on someone to love you. Don't do that to her. She deserves to be someone's plan A like your wife is to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Commongoal123 Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 You can't fix her and you can't fix this situation. She is using you as validation for herself and as a safety net. She'll have sex with you and meet her needs... but not meet your needs. What does this tell you? She is not concerned with your needs; only hers. The best thing you can do is show her what life is like without you. She has to learn herself. Don't chase. Dont fix. No I love yous. No validation or support. Support yourself. Find a good therapist if you don't have one. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 23, 2019 Share Posted September 23, 2019 I think you need to end things with your new girlfriend. She does not deserve this vacillation and it is clear you want your wife back whether she will ever come back or not. This is not fair on your girlfriend and deep down you know that. She is hanging around hoping you will change your mind and become committed to her. Sadly, I do not feel you will ever be committed to her. You may stay with her but if your wife pulls strings, you will drop your girlfriend like a hot cake. Ok, so imagine this: Your new girlfriend decides she's had enough and leaves. She will not contemplate getting back together with you again because she knows you are hankering after your wife. How would you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
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