I still feel affection from her, but i don't know if i can pursue it.

[Backtolife]

My ex left me. I was being toxic to her. A lot of things happened to us and instead of growing with her, for a period i grew apart.

 

She got enough and left. I have told her since then in many ways that i wish it didnt go like that. She talks like she is moving on, but she keeps sending me hearts in text. Maybe it stupid, but every single text message between us is full of hearts. And she still calls me our old nickname from the relationship. I just feel like the trust in me is destroyed, and she wants to believe i can be better. But how do i show her? What can i do. I dont know if a grand gesture is the right thing, a ticket to travel the world, a wedding ring. Maybe its to keep my head down and grind for months. But the little signs of affection for her keeps me stuck in hoping to get a second chance.

[preraph]

No, a grand gesture isn't what the relationship needs. If you were toxic to her, you need to change. It sounds like you don't know how. Grind for months, not sure what that means, but it sounds more realistic than a grand gesture.

 

Be honest with yourself. Can you change what it was about you that was the dealbreaker? Can you change it forever, not just for a few months? If the answer is yes, ask yourself, Why didn't I do that before she left? Did she call your bluff? Were you unable to change it? Were you resentful of her for something and too stubborn to change it?

 

You need to sit down with yourself or a counselor and answer these questions so you know what you can and can't do before you make any gesture whatsoever.

[smackie9]

Sometimes it's not you who is hostile normally, but the person you were with made you a hostile person. Are you a hostile person? Which one of these best describes you? Have you struggled with this in other relationships? Have you had trouble getting along with other partners?

[snowcones]

She's still talking to you, even though you broke up.... and that can only be for two reasons. Either she has firmly friendzoned you and wants to keep it that way, or she still wants to be with you, but you're too screwed up right now. So if you have any chance at seeing if something romantic is going to rekindle, then fix yourself. Start with whatever it is that she complained about. Fix that. And then when you do that, she will notice or you can talk about it and ask to get back together. If she turns you down, then you were friendzoned and will never escape that. If I had to guess though, I'd say that she still feels something for you and you just need to fix yourself.

[Backtolife]

She's still talking to you, even though you broke up.... and that can only be for two reasons. Either she has firmly friendzoned you and wants to keep it that way, or she still wants to be with you, but you're too screwed up right now. So if you have any chance at seeing if something romantic is going to rekindle, then fix yourself. Start with whatever it is that she complained about. Fix that. And then when you do that, she will notice or you can talk about it and ask to get back together. If she turns you down, then you were friendzoned and will never escape that. If I had to guess though, I'd say that she still feels something for you and you just need to fix yourself.

 

Yes, i hope this is true. Thats how it feels to me. Time will tell if she still has that hope when i have fixed myself but im gonna work every day to better myself.

[Backtolife]

Sometimes it's not you who is hostile normally, but the person you were with made you a hostile person. Are you a hostile person? Which one of these best describes you? Have you struggled with this in other relationships? Have you had trouble getting along with other partners?

 

I can be. I have been for some time. Ive always had temper but normally its under control and im a kind person. A lot of things went ****ty. We tried to make a life work in our countrys capital for some time, but got set back many times due to external factors. It all broke when we moved back to our hometown and i felt depressed and set back. So i internalized it as anger and lashed out at her. We were together for 6 years and most of that time was pure love. I am not a hostile person, but i have been, and i will try my damn hardest to never be again.