Just the human condition?

[Maniacal Rationalizer]

Perhaps it is just me. I am a great at analyzing things to death. Heck I'm an engineer. That is what I was trained to do! Right now my life is going very well. I have been graduated from college for a year and working at a great job. I have supportive friends and family. I'm moving into a new house in a couple weeks. And most importantly for the first time in my life I feel really confident in who I am and what I want.

 

So what is my problem? I would really like companionship in my life. I don't feel I need another person to complete me, but what is life without love? I think that I have thought more and more about my own situation as a lot of friends of mine are now getting married and moving on with their lives. I'm 23 and have never really had a girlfriend.

 

I try to rationalize this by telling myself "Well at least you have saved yourself a lot of pain from having bad relationships." and "It is just a matter of finding the right person." This may be true. I don't believe I'm afraid to try even though I've had my heart broken twice. Anytime you allow yourself to be truly seen it is quite risky.

 

It just seems that now that I am out of college I have an even harder time meeting people. My circle of friends is fairly static. I don't tend to meet new people through work. I'm not a frequenter of bars or clubs and frankly I don't think the kind of person that I would click with would be either.

 

So how do I find a highly intellectual woman who gets my humor, enjoys long in-depth discussions on life, listens to ecletic mixes of music, and is liberal, ethical, and incredibly honest (no this is not a personal ad)? Maybe I am getting worked up about yet another thing in my life I cannot control. I have heard many times that you can't choose who you fall in love with. From my limited personal experience I have found that to be right on the mark. Perhaps it is just the human condition and I shouldn't worry so much?

[Tony T]

You may not be able to choose who you fall in love with but you can certainly choose who you date and who you marry.

 

You're very young. If you just carry on the normal course of your life, by default you'll eventually meet someone perfect for you.

 

I don't think it's a great idea to change your lifestyle significantly just to meet women. Make minor adjustments so you can be in their presence.

 

The best thing in the world is to get into a circle of lady friends. They will get to know you well and will introduce you to other ladies who might be perfect for you.

 

Just don't worry yourself so much about this. As long as you get out and move about, love will find a way.

[sparkle]

I totally agree with Tony.

 

Don't worry too much, you'll run into a girl sooner or later that you're interested in.

 

Don't focus right now on meeting the perfect girl, or a girl that will meet all your expectations. Heck, don't even focus on trying to meet a 'girlfriend'. Right now, turn your attention to being friendly with strangers, meeting new people, and making friends with different women.

 

Once you make a couple friends and start hanging out with them (guys or gals), you'll end up getting introduced to many more people through them. Some of them may even hook you up with one of their wonderful female friends that will end up being the lady of your dreams.

 

You don't need to start going to bars or clubs, but what you could do is spend some time out of the house or office (if you don't already).

 

There's many different places where you'll meet people...every single day. I've never been to a club in my life, and I've never hung out at a bar, yet I meet people anywhere I go.

 

Wherever you may be, and you see someone that catches your eye, go ahead...take a chance. Strike up a short conversation, and leave with her phone number.

 

Again, you don't need to change your lifestyle to meet women. The following are everyday places where I've talked to people, and where you can too:

 

-post office--someone waiting in line with you. Once all a guy mentioned to me was...boy this line is long...from there, we struck up a conversation.

 

-bank--same as above

 

-grocery store--you can comment on something someone's picking up...or again, while waiting in line. I was buying a gallon of milk, and buying 2 more gallons for my neighbor...the guy behind me commented that I must realllly enjoy milk. We joked around..and before you knew it, ended up talking in the parking lot.

 

-restaurant--you can flirt with waitresses or other customers there..maybe that one girl that's sitting with 5 of her other girl friends at the table next to you.

 

-library/bookstore--can always talk about books.

 

-mall, other stores--just stop and talk.

 

-outdoors, the gym, etc--same as above.

 

-on the road..in the car next to you/in a traffic jam/parking lot.

 

So basically, you may find the girl of your dreams ANYWHERE.

 

But the key is...don't go out LOOKING for that girl. She'll come to you. But don't be afraid to TRY. Don't be afraid to go out there and chat with beautiful women on the street. Don't be afraid to give women compliments. Yes it is risky, but that's the only way you'll meet them.

 

Good luck!