Lost interest Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 (edited) I had an affair in 2009 that lasted 3 years. He broke it off in 2012. I am now 60 years old and he is 63. We grew up together, dated in high school and kept in touch. After college I took a job in Asia and stayed gone for 35 years. He stayed in the same small town we grew up in and married a local girl. I am single, he is married. The affair started as soon as I returned to the states in 2009. He contacted me. I was was heartbroken when he broke it off. I loved him and would have given up everything to be with him. We are not the same socioeconomic status. It bothered him, I did not care. Maybe I was just in the affair fog at the time. I have dated, none to serious, I am not interested in marrying anyone. He contacted me 6 months ago and the affair restarted. He told me he had decided that I would always be in his life and if his wife didn’t like it she could go, whatever that means, I never ask. Anyway to make a long story short, I find I have lost interest in him. For 7 years I have thought about him night and day but now, don’t really care. He is no longer good in bed, he has lost all of his hair. I find his complaining irritating, I don’t know. I know I am not in love with him. I am not sure what to do about him. I live in the city about 1.5 hours away. He is retired and has all the time in the world. His wife doesn’t care when he is gone. Has this happen to anyone else. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but it has become crystal clear to me e really don’t have anything in common. I still like to run, play tennis and golf and snow ski. He has a bad knee. What would you do? Edited April 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and formatting Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 I'd dump him. Who cares about his hurt feelings? He doesn't care about your feelings. He didn't care about you when he approached you for an affair the first time. If he did he would have thought you deserved better than being an OW. He didn't care about your feelings 3yrs later when he dumped you and broke your heart. His wife doesn't care when he's gone because she's probably sick of his self absorbed ass too. Once he gets too old and tired to carry on this affair he's going to dump you again and he won't care a bit about your feelings. So stop worrying about his feelings, you don't owe him anything. Dump him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 Why would you ever co solder staying on a relationship when you don’t love the man and you are not happy. Seriously. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 I agree. At 60 you know what you want and don't want. Just dump him. He's probably lying about his wife anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 What a blessing you’ve been giving to lose interest! So many here would do anything to reach that concession. May your days ahead be great ones! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 Ha,ha:laugh: I bet many OW would lose interest once MM become impotent and losing his hair. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 Agree, better late than never that you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 He is no longer good in bed, he has lost all of his hair. I find his complaining irritating Well, now you know why his wife is perfectly happy when he is away from the house. He becomes your problem. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 Tell him nicely that you are moving on. You could even lie and say you met someone, and you want to start with a clean slate. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 Well, now you know why his wife is perfectly happy when he is away from the house. He becomes your problem. Lol. This poor guy, he just wants somebody to love him... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 ^ Well, he does have a wife... Link to post Share on other sites
LIRR88 Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 What a blessing you’ve been giving to lose interest! So many here would do anything to reach that concession. May your days ahead be great ones! THIS!!! lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 ^ Well, he does have a wife... And yet, he is still looking for love... or somebody still willing to listen to his complaints... Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 He is no longer good in bed, he has lost all of his hair. I find his complaining irritating This made me laugh. I feel like this is a common theme with MM having affairs. With mine, it was almost as if he was incapable of actually being happy with anything he had. He reached out a couple of years later. We only exchanged a few texts, but a good 75% of those were full of complaints too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lost interest Posted April 19, 2019 Author Share Posted April 19, 2019 Thanks for all of the replies. I know I should drop him but I thought about leading him on a little so he will know how it feels to believe in someone and trust them and then be betrayed and dumped by them. I know he didn’t care about my feelings when he dump me. And what’s with all this old man complaining, he Is way more talkative than he used to be. Women have their problems. As we age we have issues to deal with. But men, they have it so much worse. They lose their hair, they can’t have sex, they start forgetting things and they repeat themselves over and over plus a lot of them really don’t know to take care of themselves. I have moved on. When he left before I got a dog and I love the dog. The thought that keeps running through my head is what was I thinking back in 2009 when this started. We have nothing in common 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 It's always best for your karma to take the high road. There's no need to lead him on and get revenge. Normally this tactic backfires in some way anyway. It's best to just move on, block him from your life and be glad you are no longer attracted or interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Thanks for all of the replies. I know I should drop him but I thought about leading him on a little so he will know how it feels to believe in someone and trust them and then be betrayed and dumped by them. I know he didn’t care about my feelings when he dump me. And what’s with all this old man complaining, he Is way more talkative than he used to be. Women have their problems. As we age we have issues to deal with. But men, they have it so much worse. They lose their hair, they can’t have sex, they start forgetting things and they repeat themselves over and over plus a lot of them really don’t know to take care of themselves. I have moved on. When he left before I got a dog and I love the dog. The thought that keeps running through my head is what was I thinking back in 2009 when this started. We have nothing in common In what sense is this an affair if he can’t do sex anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lost interest Posted April 20, 2019 Author Share Posted April 20, 2019 Stillafool, you are exactly correct, I should not even consider revenge. Thanks for pointing that out Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lost interest Posted April 20, 2019 Author Share Posted April 20, 2019 JuneL, I guess it is an affair because he is married. He would like to have sex, he tries but it is no good. It’s an affair to me because I am seeing someone else’s husband. It’s an affair to him because he is lying to his wife. It doesn’t matter, I am not going to waste any more of my time. I am going to wish him well and send him on his way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts