How likely will I make real friends in meetup groups?

[Oceansfun]

Okay, so I attended a meetup event 2 weeks ago, which I’m proud of because it’s out of my comfort zone. Everyone was friendly and welcoming for a first timer-but isn’t everyone friendly at first? I do plan on going to a next event if there is something scheduled and see if I get the same reception. I decided to look on Facebook and search for these ppl and noticed they are all fb friends and some of them obviously hang outside of meetups. One of the girls that I met told me she was going on vacation with other girls in the same meetup group-so they became close friends. I notice these group of ppl that I met are regulars and they have known each other for a long time so it makes sense they are real friends. How likely will I be friends with them?

 

Or are they really cliquey?

Edited April 17, 2019 by Oceansfun

[d0nnivain]

Based on a post I can't tell you if they are clique-y. Only time will tell.

 

No, not all groups are friendly to new comers. I went to a professional women's group last night & stood around for about 10 minutes before anyone other then the bartender talked to me. Finally one woman approached & she was kind enough to introduce me to a few others. It was worth it because I got several business leads but it was tough to break the ice.

 

To take the introductions to the next level, keep going to the Meet Ups. Find a way to exchange #s with the people you meet & then eventually make a plan to do something together outside the Meet Up.

 

Later today I plan to e-mail the 4 women who gave me their business cards. I suspect one of them will beat me to the punch but she's trying to sell me a service. That's OK. I actually need the service & my group thing was about generating business, not friends but I do hope to turn one of them into a friend because I really liked her.

 

Good for you for getting out of your comfort zone & attending.

[snowboy91]

I'm saying this having been to only one meetup group, but I know many who have been to quite a few.

 

If a meetup group is cliquey, then it defeats the purpose of it being a meetup group in the first place (for people to meet each other). That being said, not all groups actually behave this way - unfortunately you can't control how others behave.

 

If you want to make friends in that group and there are regulars, it's well worth going to more than one event. Try different groups as well, the vibe is very different just like every friendship group in the "real world" (for lack of a better term) is different.

[elaine567]

It can take months if not years to make real friends but you need to just go, hang out and enjoy the meet up with no real expectations.

Find a few groups to attend so that you are not putting all your eggs in one basket.

[maxi105]

hi there oceans, first up, congrats for steppin outta your comfort zone, its not always an easy thing to to. you realise you gotta get an meet folks so that is a start.

 

 

I think what others are saying here is also 9can also be the case too, it takes time, sometimes the ones you think are ok are still ok, but you just find that one or two others are more your thing naturally and it goes from there.

 

 

id say keep going for at least 2 or 3 more times to see how you get on. is it a place that you have a general interest in anyway regardless of the kind of folks there?

 

 

its not the only club that's out there so don't restrict yourself if you like other stuff too or want to try new stuff. some things are cheaper or free too if you don't have much money so maybe check them out too.

 

 

I think the fact that one fo the girls is going on vacation tells you that it is possible to get closer, jus tbe careful not to get too close too quick if some are very protective of those friends they have, be open to them all and see how accommodating they are to you as well, that's always a good clue as to if people are looking for new friends etc.

 

 

maybe be open with them and say you don't have many friends or are looking for new friends, or invite them out to a different event or meal our and see if any within or all of the group are interested.

 

 

I think you can meet people. and being the new one can give you some advantages too...they will allow you to screw up!

 

 

GOOD LUCK WITH IT....ah at last a nicer message from me. its more preferable to write positive stuff (but hey, sometimes it doesn't always go that way) but its nice to hear of your post. it sounds like this season can be a great time for you to get out and about and enjoy some great weather/company.

 

 

best wishes with your goals. maxi

[alphamale]

Okay, so I attended a meetup event 2 weeks ago, which I’m proud of because it’s out of my comfort zone. Everyone was friendly and welcoming for a first timer-but isn’t everyone friendly at first? I do plan on going to a next event if there is something scheduled and see if I get the same reception. I decided to look on Facebook and search for these ppl and noticed they are all fb friends and some of them obviously hang outside of meetups. One of the girls that I met told me she was going on vacation with other girls in the same meetup group-so they became close friends. I notice these group of ppl that I met are regulars and they have known each other for a long time so it makes sense they are real friends. How likely will I be friends with them?

 

Or are they really cliquey?

 

they are only as "cliquey" as you make them to be - just go back on a regular basis and you'll naturally meet people

[preraph]

My last women's group brunch meetup, I thought I was finally making progress because as the group broke up and most went home, a couple of them lingered and we were all in a discussion, but then turned out they were probably really there to promote their favorite politicians, and they couldn't even talk about specifics, really, just rah, rah. So that type crap happens.

 

I remember decades ago I needed support after having a bad outcome in my career and I thought it would be great to talk to women about it, other women with careers. I went to a NOW meeting (this is prior to internet -- so it was slim pickins) and this one woman dominated the entire evening and she too was only there to promote a local (crooked) politician. I couldn't believe the other NOW members just let her do it and didn't cut in and say, This isn't a political rally.

 

On this more recent one, I was going to let the meetup group organizer know, but shortly thereafter, she disbanded the group anyway.

 

Another group I joined was ruined for the same type reason, going off topic for why the group is there. It was a paranormal group and I loved the once a month meetings until these two women who were partners joined and they completed hijacked the whole conversation from paranormal to sports and nerdy Harry Potter type stuff and I kept thinking, Well, people come and go and they'll leave, but they didn't, so I did. I did let the organizer know I got bored because it was never on topic anymore and I didn't enjoy listening about sports and nerd stuff.

 

So meetups can go wrong, but you might get lucky. I still think it's best to join a group where there is a focus activity, such as paranormal or collecting whatever or photography or music or whatever. I think it has the best chance of surviving. I've also had trouble with groups where there were couples, because they all cliqued together and left the single people there who didn't know anyone just dangling on their own.

[alphamale]

I run a dining out meetup in the Detroit area. Our thing is eating good food at different restaurants. We never go off topic

[preraph]

I love eating out. Wish I was in Detroit!

 

You know, I believe that last meetup group that the organizer folded it up was actually her getting paid to market some restaurants, maybe. Only I think sometimes she found one to pay her and then sometimes she didn't. Because she was a marketer. And she didn't take part that much in talking.

[Oceansfun]

It’s also better to be in group that’s within the same age range right? The one I went are 20’s-30’s-both genders. So maybe that’s something in common and I can relate to them. However I noticed there are some groups that are older then me and I couldn’t even relate to them. I guess I’m basing it off age instead of hobbies if that makes sense.

[alphamale]

It’s also better to be in group that’s within the same age range right? The one I went are 20’s-30’s-both genders. So maybe that’s something in common and I can relate to them. However I noticed there are some groups that are older then me and I couldn’t even relate to them. I guess I’m basing it off age instead of hobbies if that makes sense.

 

some meetup groups are for specific age ranges and some are open to all ages, do your research including contacting the organizer

[Oceansfun]

they are only as "cliquey" as you make them to be - just go back on a regular basis and you'll naturally meet people

 

I think I’ll go to 2 more events with the same group. Even if they are friendly still, if they don’t bring up exchanging numbers or adding me on social media then it’s a no go. I mean I don’t want to just be “that warm body” who goes to events. I would just feel left out if that makes sense. Or feel not part of the in crowd. I mean, 1 girl in a different meetup group hosted an event (I didn’t go to this)and I saw she posted a comment about how great it was to meet everyone and she wanted to exchange numbers to keep in touch. See what I mean???

[alphamale]

I think I’ll go to 2 more events with the same group. Even if they are friendly still, if they don’t bring up exchanging numbers or adding me on social media then it’s a no go. I mean I don’t want to just be “that warm body” who goes to events. I would just feel left out if that makes sense. Or feel not part of the in crowd. I mean, 1 girl in a different meetup group hosted an event (I didn’t go to this)and I saw she posted a comment about how great it was to meet everyone and she wanted to exchange numbers to keep in touch. See what I mean???

 

you get out of it what you put into it...

[darkmoon]

form your own meet-up group...

[alphamale]

form your own meet-up group...

 

indeed darkmoon...I pay $95 every six months for my group on meetup. so that's almost $200 per year.

[basil67]

I mean, 1 girl in a different meetup group hosted an event (I didn’t go to this)and I saw she posted a comment about how great it was to meet everyone and she wanted to exchange numbers to keep in touch. See what I mean???

 

No, I don't see what you mean. Seems like she had a great time and asked if she could exchange numbers. Is there anything stopping you from doing this?

[Oceansfun]

No, I don't see what you mean. Seems like she had a great time and asked if she could exchange numbers. Is there anything stopping you from doing this?

 

I don’t want to be the one to “initiate” asking for numbers. I’ve had bad experiences with people who offer false promises, flakes, fake friends, not real friends-just bored and will talk to anyone. I’ve tried very hard to make friends on my end. Friendship is a 2 way street.

[preraph]

Well, if you're going to refuse to initiate anything, I don't see the point. If you have a good time talking to a certain person at the meetup, we're not talking about asking for a date here, before you leave, just give her your number so she can text. "Here's my number if you ever want to do anything." I wouldn't be giving my number out at meetups without the clear understanding that it was use if they want to get out and go do something because I don't want to be getting nonsense texts for no reason. If I were doing it for myself, I'd say, "I'm not much of a texter because I'm always typing, but if you ever want to go do something, holler."

[basil67]

I don’t want to be the one to “initiate” asking for numbers. I’ve had bad experiences with people who offer false promises, flakes, fake friends, not real friends-just bored and will talk to anyone. I’ve tried very hard to make friends on my end. Friendship is a 2 way street.

 

Yeah, that's life. For every BFF, there will be 10 which don't last. The girl who reached out is probably going to get a better outcome than you simply because she's prepared to take a risk.

 

As Alpha said, you get out of it what you put into it.

 

Edited to add: good friends don't start out as good friends. They start out as casual friends and you see if a deeper friendship develops. If you're not willing to start with casual friends, you won't get good friends.

Edited April 21, 2019 by basil67

[Oceansfun]

You guys don’t understand. I ALWAYS would initiate making that first move when making friends. I’ve reached out to former “friends” to see if they want to hang or talk, or anything. I would get either some half assed attitude or comment like, “I’m fine. Thanks” whenever I would call someone. Or they never follow through with plans. I’m not going to Constantly call or text someone 20 times to “reach” out first. If that person doesn’t make the effort to reach out to me ever then I’m done.

 

Waiting for someone that wants to exchange numbers with me first tells me they have interest in me and want a friendship.

[basil67]

Sorry you're having such a tough time of it.

 

As a rule, former friends are former for a reason. Don't waste your time reaching out. Also, nobody has suggested that you reach out 20 times and try to force a friendship.

 

Someone wanting to exchange numbers doesn't show they have interest and want a friendship. It simply shows that they are open to getting to know you better...the close friend thing will happen if getting to know you better forms a connection. It often won't happen.

 

Asking to swap numbers shows interest on your part. You could ask them once to catch up in the near future. The next catch up is on them. Love and friendship is all about risk. If you are too risk averse, then you won't get off the starting line.