delvinDande Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 My girlfriend and i have a somewhat big age gap. She is 23 turning 24 in a month. I’m 29 turning 30 next year. My girlfriend post pictures of herself a lot on Facebook but, for the past few weeks it’s been more so breasts shots. She wears low cut shirts anyways. I don’t tell her what she can or cannot wear but for a heavier set woman i don’t think she should be wearing things that draw attention to her boob area but if she likes “U” cut shirts then okay! I logged in on Facebook and as soon as i got on a i saw a picture she uploaded with 90% breasts and 10% head in it. I’m really embarrassed and upset because not only is majority of her chest in the photo she’s wearing a strap over top ... Majority of her photos are like that. She has one picture wearing an extremely tight jumpsuit and she posted the picture with it zipped down past her boobs so it looks like her breasts are bulging out of her jumpsuit. What can i say? Is it even my position to say anything . Why does she post phots like this knowing some guys are going to give her attention from it ?!!?
Author delvinDande Posted April 18, 2019 Author Posted April 18, 2019 Id say adios Same thing i was thinking 2
Blind-Sided Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 Unfortunately... I have to go with the above... dump her now before you get really hurt. My brother went through this. His xW was the "Cheerleader" type, and needed attention. She wound up cheating on him when he was a way during ACTIVE SERVICE. (airforce) He thought that they had worked through it, and moved to a different state. Then... she cheated on him again. Girls who need validation of their bodies will always have that mindset. AND... there was a line from an old movie that has always stuck in my mind... "Marry a woman that is just pretty enough to turn you on. Anything more will just cause you heartache." (LOL) 2
d0nnivain Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 She wants to feel beautiful & desirable. This is her way of boosting her own self esteem. If you don't care for her methods, you are not required to stick around. You can tell her that it upsets you but she probably won't change because she's seeking validation. 4
LauraXX Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 I don't think there's anything wrong with what she's doing. If it makes her feel better about herself ... good for her. I also think that it's a long stretch to assume that somebody who likes to post sexy pictures is a cheater I personally don't post selfies (I don't see the point) but when I get compliments from guys or whenever guys approach me when I go out, I feel very flattered and it does boost my ego. However, I've never ever cheated on anybody. It's quite normal to enjoy attention from the opposite sex, isn't it? BUT.... if it makes you feel insecure that she's confident about her body and that she enjoys male attention, you should probably move on, yes. Just don't expect her to change her personality for you, that wouldn't be fair 2
bachdude Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 For me, I would probably feel embarrassed over those photos (I think they are juvenile) though I agree it doesn't necessarily mean she will cheat. Personally, she wouldn't be my type. 1
Highndry Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 Low self esteem and inappropriate behavior. She certainly wouldn't meet my standards for a number of reasons. 3
preraph Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 Here's what's going on. As you said she is a heavy-set person. She feels her best or possibly only asset or her boobs. Like everyone she wants attention, so she is highlighting her boobs to get attention. I would be embarrassed by it out in public as well as online, mainly because you can highlight your best asset without just putting it all out there. You can highlight your best asset and still leave your face in the photo. You can highlight a nice rack by wearing clothes that cover but just fit properly, and it's a lot more attractive and less sleazy, and that way it doesn't send the message that it's okay with me if all you care about is my boobs. As you wisely already know, you can't very well tell her what she can and cannot wear. I mean you can try and tell her some of the things I've told you, but before just going for it, I would instead look for times when she is dressed properly and make those the times that you compliment how nice she looks or sexy. It's always easier to change people by complimenting them when they're doing what you want than criticizing them. so next time you go out and she's not wearing a scoop-neck top and not showing cleavage, tell her how nice that outfit looks on her. do that a couple of times assuming she ever does wear something you like, and maybe it will open up a discussion. I wouldn't approve of her doing what she's doing even though I know why she's doing it, because it's going to give people the wrong idea including her future employers. But I know she's doing it out of insecurity. So take some time and see if you can find a way to encourage her to look more acceptable, but if she doesn't stop crying for attention from strangers after having you around for awhile, you have a legitimate reason to wonder why not and talk to her about it or just leave. Good luck. she's just going to tell you everybody does it, but everybody doesn't do it and half the people who do it are going to regret it.
Happy Lemming Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 I don't think there's anything wrong with what she's doing. I would tend to agree with this statement. Her actions are reflection of her and who she is, not you. I mean she is a girlfriend, not a wife and not the mother of your children. Girlfriends come and go. I never really cared what my girlfriends do or cared what my friends thought of who I was dating. Are you in a big hurry to settle down and get married, if so... move on. Otherwise, let her do what she wants. 1
Orokotikki Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 Sounds like she's trolling to trade up, I'd move on were I you. 2
kendahke Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 (edited) Why does she post phots like this knowing some guys are going to give her attention from it ?!!? because 1st and foremost: she wants to. Period. Full stop. She likes the attention and the validation from men she doesn't know. Your attention and validation aren't enough for her. There are women out there who will be satisfied and content with what you bring to the table and don't need to post pics of their boobs on social media. That's who you need to go find---this chick ain't that chick. Let one of those guys who likes her photos take up with her. Edited April 18, 2019 by kendahke 3
Ruby Slippers Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 She's advertising to attract attention from men other than you - not the behavior of a quality woman who's serious about her relationship and respectful of her man. It's the equivalent of a man liking and commenting on revealing pics of random women online. I'd move on. 4
stillafool Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 She sounds really needy, insecure and an attention seeker. Dump her. 3
smackie9 Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 Not appropriate behavior for someone who is in a relationship. We all talk about boundaries, well this is one that could be addressed. This isn't controlling, this is about respect. Respecting herself and him too. IMO women shouldn't have to exploit their sexuality to feel secure. Haven't we been fighting long enough about this stuff? OP you can address it in a tactful manner by telling her she is beautiful to you, and isn't that enough? rather than flaunting her cleavage on social media? just talk to her about it, be supportive of her insecurities, self image issues. The more loving and understanding, the more likely she will stop doing it. 3
TheFinalWord Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 (edited) My question is why are you a 30-year old man taking a "relationship" with a 23-old girl seriously. That's something you need to answer for yourself. You're with her because of how she looks, there's no way you can convince me its because she's a great conversationalists or has all this life experience to draw on. I get it bro, I've dated women that young. You just have to realize, she's not yours, it's just your turn. You aren't going to be able to wife her up or lock her down. She's already been corrupted by the social media world of beta male validation. It's a lost cause. That's the way women are these days. They want male validation and the easiest way to get it is by showing off their body and having thirsty simps liking and commenting how beautiful she is lol I dated a girl that age that also had a exhibitionist streak in her. Everything she posted was an indirect way of showing off her body. Even the most mundane things she somehow was able to sexualize. I never said anything either, but if you're in a relationship with someone it's hard to accept that your validation is not enough. Plus, honestly, guys don't want every other guy checking their girl out. Just the way it is. I wouldn't say anything, but I wouldn't take the relationship that seriously. Edited April 18, 2019 by TheFinalWord 2
preraph Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 OP, remember that she is still young (I don't think she's too young to date; that's not the big problem) but she is young and young people's brains aren't yet able to fully anticipate consequences. By 30, she'd know that this stuff is going to be googled by employers and wouldn't be doing it so openly at least. 2
Versacehottie Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 For me, I would probably feel embarrassed over those photos (I think they are juvenile) though I agree it doesn't necessarily mean she will cheat. Personally, she wouldn't be my type. What bachdude said ^^^^. It's kind of a character trait or maturity issue. Rather than try to control how she exhibits this character trait or her level or maturity--which you seem to totally get is not who you want to be or how you want to be in this relationship, i think it's time to decide if she is right for you overall. I don't think it will necessarily lead to cheating but it is evidence that she seeks validation from others, which is kind of sad, especially with how she chooses to do it. The real question is do you want to deal with someone who has such a validation need, seeks it with those means and is kind of embarrassing publicly?
mortensorchid Posted April 20, 2019 Posted April 20, 2019 Seems like she's insecure or wants to be the center of attention at all times. Tell her that this bothers you, because, it does. If she won't modify, it's because she values the attention she gets from others online moreso than she does your feelings. I think you best move on if that's the case.
chillii Posted April 20, 2019 Posted April 20, 2019 (edited) l dunno , more crazy stuff l see in a forum. My w was 22 when we met l was 31, so what. She had more smarts in one hand than any woman l ever met. Yours on the other hand, we'll in her case , she's obviously still just a kid doing bs like that and seeking out that kinda attention like the 15yr olds do. Hang on , so do a lot of 50yrs olds, ok , call it part of her needy personality. Edited April 20, 2019 by chillii
Noproblem Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 (edited) This is what she posts but how is she like in person Is she a good person or not because if she is a good person and kind gf. Who cares what she posts or not Maybe you are focusing too much on her cleavage because you are thirsty. Her boobs are there, it's not gonna go away. Some guys celebrate and show off their women beauty and attractiveness and some guys feel threatened by it and embarrassed by it. Just leave her be if you can't be proud of her, then you have no place in her life. and don't you dare tell her bad words when you break up! She did nothing wrong! Edited April 21, 2019 by Noproblem 1
elaine567 Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 Just leave her be if you can't be proud of her, then you have no place in her life. and don't you dare tell her bad words when you break up! She did nothing wrong! Agreed. Dating should be about finding people we gel with, not finding someone and then trying to mould them into the person we want them to be. She is who she is. Take it or leave it.
Author delvinDande Posted April 21, 2019 Author Posted April 21, 2019 And then it’s like she’ll post this stuff and then when guys start to message or inbox her she’ll post a status saying “Don’t message me I have a man/boyfriend” *
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 And then it’s like she’ll post this stuff and then when guys start to message or inbox her she’ll post a status saying “Don’t message me I have a man/boyfriend” * She wants the attention but from a distance. Suggest to her that in addition to the status disclaimer she should disconnect from followers who are only there for the view & who aren't her real friends.
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