Meeting girl abroad, how to move to next step?

[warp123]

I was thinking of having some vacations this summer (dont have any particular dates, any time since late may) and chose Ukraine because theres also many LTR oriented girls there.

 

So i setup an account on an online dating website, on my profile i specify that im not a sex tourist and that i would like to find a possible candidate for relationship. I did this to have a couple of options (girls) ready and interested in meeting, so i can both travel (dont mind the city, just want to travel) and hopefully meet someone special.

 

Well theres this one that we have been talking for almost 3 weeks. She wants LTR and she knows i want LTR too.

 

We have the same points of view, things in common (healthy lifestyle, favorite sports, tastes...). In my favor, she has always wanted to learn my language. And also she would like to live abroad near the sea on better climate (which i happen to do!) because she gets sick often in her country due to way colder temperatures.

 

 

 

I would like to think that she is interested in meeting, but i see things that i dont know how to interpret (i put both good things and bad):

 

- We talk every day. She is very relaxed and friendly, we can speak about any subject, has good conversation.

 

- Sometimes she reads my messages and wont reply for hours (specially in the morning until afternoon). For example sometimes i write her "good morning, have a nice day", she reads but doesnt reply. But then unexpectedly a few hours later, she will randomly send me photos of where she is or what she is doing and tell me about it, or sends me photos of things we have talked about in the past. She just moved back to her city and is jobless, so its not like she is busy working. And maybe she doesnt reply, but stays for short periods of time online in the dating app, so she is checking the phone, but not writing me.

 

- Following the previous point, she talks way more from the evening until night and will say good night every day. Sometimes she is curious of why im not writing her back because im busy.

 

- We have our "inside jokes" and nicknames. Aside from that, i lightly flirt sometimes and she responds well but she doesnt do it back. The most i got out of her are things like "good night my spanish teacher" but not any flirt in regards to my physique (eyes, smile, or whatever). Im not sure if its a cultural difference and she is not supposed to do it, or plays hard to catch.

 

- She added me on social media and by the looks of her private account, she seems picky (not the kind that adds everybody). Also exchanged phones.

 

- Sometimes she will ask personal questions, but doesnt feel likes she goes very deep. Could also be cultural (i read that you shouldnt ask certain things on a date).

 

- She is comfortable sending voice notes, she didnt at the beginning but now seems to get used to it now. Also voicenotes of the things i teach her in spanish, she does well and laughs. I have hinted her that we could try a videocall but didnt seem very crazy about it, first she had guests at home and i told her to wait until they are gone, but i dont want to bring the subject again. Either she doesnt want or is shy. I dont feel like suddenly calling her and forcing it.

 

- One day i told her i would watch a movie with a friend, she asked "girl?"

 

 

These girls are a bit colder and dont show as many signals as in other countries, so being just online text makes it harder to know. Also online chat cant go forever, when thinking about meeting in person, i dont know when its the right time to propose a date.

 

How much should i wait until i propose to meet? Wait until she brings it up? Or visit her city without telling her and use the surprise factor?

 

(if anyone asks, if everything went well after some dates, i could stay for longer periods in her country OR keep visiting back until we talk about moving her here)

Edited April 20, 2019 by warp123

[ExpatInItaly]

Doe she know you're planning on visiting Ukraine this summer, OP?

[Garcon1986]

So people in the Ukraine sometimes are so desperate to get a man they will do any type of trickery to get you in a trap. Other times, the person you are talking to on the other side is actually a con man. The third thing is, you are going to a country that is actively at war (or at least high military tension) with Russia. The fourth thing is, you are likely to get robbed in lots of places.

 

Hence if you are really going to go there, you need to have some assurances of your safety. Meet in a well known public place. You had better learn the language at least somewhat, otherwise you'll be hard pressed not be cheated just by people taking advantage of you not reading the road signs.

 

Be safe if you really do this man.

[BaileyB]

So, you’ve fallen in love with a woman you have never met.

 

Please, whatever’s you do, don’t propose to this woman before you meet her. Do not even propose to her the first time you meet her.

 

You don’t actually know this woman until you have spent time together in real life - lots of time together.

 

If you decide to go there’ll, be safe, take things slow, and do not give her money.

[warp123]

So, you’ve fallen in love with a woman you have never met.

 

Please, whatever’s you do, don’t propose to this woman before you meet her. Do not even propose to her the first time you meet her.

 

You don’t actually know this woman until you have spent time together in real life - lots of time together.

 

If you decide to go there’ll, be safe, take things slow, and do not give her money.

 

I think you read it wrong

 

I meant "propose a date" or meeting in person. Not proposing for marriage. Sorry english isnt my first language.

Best case scenario we keep having dates.

Worst case scenario i have a free local guide for a day.

Dont worry about the money, im very careful about "parasites" even in my country.

 

 

 

Doe she know you're planning on visiting Ukraine this summer, OP?

 

Yes of course, since the beginning i told her i planned to go.

In fact she asked me when again, one week ago.

The thing is the initial plan was going to kiev, but she wouldnt be there yet until she goes to visit some relatives. So i either wait for that moment (could be too much time) or i visit her city, which is smaller, but also cheaper.

 

So people in the Ukraine sometimes are so desperate to get a man they will do any type of trickery to get you in a trap. Other times, the person you are talking to on the other side is actually a con man. The third thing is, you are going to a country that is actively at war (or at least high military tension) with Russia. The fourth thing is, you are likely to get robbed in lots of places.

 

Hence if you are really going to go there, you need to have some assurances of your safety. Meet in a well known public place. You had better learn the language at least somewhat, otherwise you'll be hard pressed not be cheated just by people taking advantage of you not reading the road signs.

 

Be safe if you really do this man.

 

Im aware of this, but its always good to remember.

For now i havent seen anything suspicious. I think that if she wanted to take advantage she could do way better with fake crystal clear signals, dont you think?

Also the war thing is only on a region, not all country.

Edited April 20, 2019 by warp123

[snowcones]

I have a friend from there and yes they are a bit colder, but they are no less interested in a relationship than a warmer girl. You're just not going to get much emotion out of them, so accept that and learn to deal with it. As for the things you don't know how to interpret, please understand that texting is boring, especially if "Hey, how's your day?" is the most exciting thing you can say. This is why she doesn't respond to that for hours. It has no substance and tons of guys text the same thing to women. From what you wrote, I can tell she is going to get bored with your text-only long-distance relationship. Figure out something different to do.

[warp123]

I have a friend from there and yes they are a bit colder, but they are no less interested in a relationship than a warmer girl. You're just not going to get much emotion out of them, so accept that and learn to deal with it. As for the things you don't know how to interpret, please understand that texting is boring, especially if "Hey, how's your day?" is the most exciting thing you can say. This is why she doesn't respond to that for hours. It has no substance and tons of guys text the same thing to women. From what you wrote, I can tell she is going to get bored with your text-only long-distance relationship. Figure out something different to do.

 

I dont need to ask about her day, she just tells me. I just tell her to have a nice day, its not a question, but an answer would be nice. She will just keep having contact and telling me what she did in the day even if i dont write her anything.

 

The thing is, since they dont show much emotions there, how in hell do i know if she really wants to meet. I mean its internet, if she didnt have interest she could just stop talking, but keeps having contact even if i dont always initiate. Should i take that as a good signal considering the possible cultural/behaviour barriers ?

Edited April 20, 2019 by warp123

[snowcones]

I dont need to ask about her day, she just tells me. I just tell her to have a nice day, its not a question, but an answer would be nice. She will just keep having contact and telling me what she did in the day even if i dont write her anything.

 

 

It's the same thing, what you said. Uninspiring text. And by uninspiring I mean she feels nothing from it.

 

 

The thing is, since they dont show much emotions there, how in hell do i know if she really wants to meet. I mean its internet, if she didnt have interest she could just stop talking, but keeps having contact even if i dont always initiate. Should i take that as a good signal considering the possible cultural/behaviour barriers ?

 

 

Ask her if she wants to meet on such and such day. As for the continued contact, you could just be filling her time. You need to figure out if there is something deeper than mindless chatter. If you don't know how to do that, then you will have to meet her and see what happens in person.

[warp123]

Ask her if she wants to meet on such and such day. As for the continued contact, you could just be filling her time. You need to figure out if there is something deeper than mindless chatter. If you don't know how to do that, then you will have to meet her and see what happens in person.

 

She would meet me in Kiev where she plans to go visit her relatives. But i dont know when would that be, could be june or could be august.

 

It would feel more "natural" to meet there, but it would be also more expensive specially the later into summer it happens, and dont know if it would be in a month or in three. Thats too much time of texting for me. Its not that i cannot afford it, but if i can save money...

 

I could visit her town, it has way cheaper lodging options. But depending on how you see it, its either a sign of good faith on my side (that i go for her and dont want ONS) or feels a bit weird to just go for her. I dont know whats on her mind yet, maybe she is more oldschool and thinks its a nice gesture, or maybe its uncomfortable. Like i said worst case scenario, i get a local guide for a day and i could visit the nearest country too, since she lives near the border.

Edited April 20, 2019 by warp123

[snowcones]

I get it, you're looking for more feeling from her, but you're not going to get it, brother.

 

So yes you have to take a leap of faith.

 

The good news is that at least you know she's not faking anything.

[BaileyB]

Lol. I’m so relieved that you are planning to propose a date to her, not marriage. That’s much more reasonable...

 

You are reading a lot into these interactions. More than you should. Remember, this woman doesn’t know you. For all you know, you are one of many that she is communicating with... not to mention, the men she meets down the street at the local bar.

 

If you want to meet her, that’s all well and good. I personally wouldn’t invest a ton of time or money... it could be that you are chasing rainbows. My best advice is to manage your expectations and remember that you are communicating with a stranger - despite the fact that she has a nickname for you. Unfortunately, some women (and men) are very good at doing what is required to hook lonely and well meaning individuals into believing something that isn’t reality - it’s pure fantasy. Be safe.

Edited April 21, 2019 by BaileyB

[preraph]

I know a guy who's an expert on Ukraine women. They are in a terrible economy over there and there are college educated women who can't find work and become prostitutes. So many women over there and other places are so desperate to get out of there that they would say or do anything to get someone to marry them and get them out of there. There's entire websites for dating Ukraine and Russian women. Don't expect them to be lovey dovey. They're going to be practical minded just trying to make a better life.

 

This isn't a love story.

[warp123]

I know a guy who's an expert on Ukraine women. They are in a terrible economy over there and there are college educated women who can't find work and become prostitutes. So many women over there and other places are so desperate to get out of there that they would say or do anything to get someone to marry them and get them out of there. There's entire websites for dating Ukraine and Russian women. Don't expect them to be lovey dovey. They're going to be practical minded just trying to make a better life.

 

This isn't a love story.

 

No offense but i think your "expert in ukrainian women" is some random article you have just read on internet.

 

There can be cases of course but that happens on every country, people willing to move because of politics, work, weather... Ive talked with girls on the online site that stopped talking to me once i said i would be just visiting and not living there, others said they were not interested in a relationship with a foreigner because they wanted to live in Ukraine, and cut communication.

 

Im from spain and contrary to the stereotype, i dont like football or partying, i dont even drink alcohol. My point is, its not always 100% black or white.

 

If she wanted to catch me just she could put more effort in baiting me, otherwise i wouldnt have made this thread.

 

 

Trust me, when i see the first red flag i will stop communication. And im good at spotting them.

Edited April 22, 2019 by warp123

[elaine567]

Spain is full of women, why are you chasing this one?

[warp123]

Spain is full of women, why are you chasing this one?

 

Thats an easy question:

 

Spain women arent family oriented until their sudden urge for being mothers on their last fertile years, meanwhile they just care about "having fun".

 

They offer less but demand more.

 

Following the previous points, Spain in general is a hard place to date.

 

They are more likely to cheat.

 

Eastern european girls are in general more traditional and family oriented like i am.

 

I prefer the slavic type of face.

 

I dont drink alcohol and a lot of ukrainian girls also dont, which makes it easier to find someone with similar lifestyle. (healthy, no nightlife/clubbing)

 

I feel like i get more from a girl from another country because i can experience their culture and language. For example i had a polish ex. There one easter day in poland where they throw water at each other in the morning. Imagine how funny it is to visit your father in law's house, hide on the corridor and throw a glass of water at him and both have a laugh. I want to experience something different from spanish traditions.

Edited April 22, 2019 by warp123

[chillii]

My woman is Russian and, she is the most without a doubt, sensual women l have ever met.

She's also got more soul than most could even comprehend.

She's also kind, warm, very hard working , fantastic to talk to and has a killer sense of humor, and as smart as hell. Never known a girl that could even stand in her shadow to be honest.

 

lt's a shame about all the Ukraine hype because it's not all just that. There's many Russian people living all over the world as well , mine's been here 10yrs and her young son and his wife also met and live here.

A friend of mine coincidentally has been married to a Russian girl 25yrs , she moved over here early 20s and they met a few yrs later,

Couldn't really think of a happier couple and she's such a special lady this one he's a very lucky man.

 

So yaknow , just some of the other side of the coin.

[chillii]

Oooops , deleted.

[elaine567]

Do Ukrainians like being labelled as "Russian"?

[warp123]

Well, i just brought up the subject. I kept it simple because now she will stay away for a week for orthodox easter. She agrees that we should meet.

 

Looks good for now

[Tamfana]

Good! I hope it goes well.

[chillii]

My woman always refers as Russian although they did live Ukraine for awhile too but she grew up in Moscow.

She moved over here with her ex H but they divorced a few years ago.

Sadly , l mean l can't speak for other sitches like the OP's it's totally different but, it's a lot like the Asian thing l suppose but we have many Asian families and people, just ordinary people that have moved over here some time or other and started new lives.

l can say l've met some of her family and rallies,lovely people too, and her sons about the nicest guy you'd ever meet.

Anyway , just food for thought.

Edited April 22, 2019 by chillii

[elaine567]

... she will stay away for a week for orthodox easter.

 

Are your religions compatible?

[warp123]

Are your religions compatible?

 

Yeah, she is not a hardcore religious person. Not an issue.

[elaine567]

Yeah, she is not a hardcore religious person. Not an issue.

 

What about her family though?

Seems to me a common problem is that religion is dismissed by the "lovers", "love conquers all" kind of a thing, to have it become a serious issue later when it becomes apparent that love doesn't actually conquer anything when religion, community and family become involved. The fact she at present is not a hard core religious person may be irrelevant.

Women given the choice of "love" or family will very often choose family.

A bit of thought now may prevent future heart ache.

 

This is not just a girl from down the road, assume nothing.

[oceanblue12]

For some reason, this does not seem overly safe for the OP. I would be quite careful