. Im driving myself crazy.

[Missinghim17]

Ok so after being involved in a really bad relationship for almost 10 years, I finally got out about 2 years ago and decided to try to date other guys. It was hard to get out, took a lot of courage as I was still in love when I walked away.

 

The guy I was with kept leaving me and abandoning me. He was also emotionally abusive. I have kids but they aren't his.

 

Anyways I finally starting dating again. I consider myself an attractive woman. I have a lot of men always trying to hit on me but I was always focused on the 10 year guy and was so in love with him I didn't give anyone else a try. So now I finally found this new guy. Friend of a friend. We went out last year on about 4 dates.

 

He was always texting, called a few times, seemed really into me, made plans, etc. At the time I think maybe I wasn't completely over my 10 year relationship so I didn't really give my all but by no means was I rude or anything. He also just got divorced 4 months before.

 

Anyways we didn't have sex back then. Conversation just died down. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, I ran into him at the grocery store with his son. We chatted a little. He looked smoking hot. We started texting again. He is still single and I really want to get to know him. So after texting a few days, we made plans to hang out. He picks me up, we go to dinner, and then go watch a movie at my place. I live down the street from the restaurant.

 

He's always been a gentlemen. He knows im not the type to just jump into bed with anyone. Ive been to his place twice last year and he didn't even try anything. We just kissed. So anyways here we are at my place, cuddling, we both fell asleep. Woke up later and he asked if he could spend the night and I agreed even though we both had to work the next morning. So we ended up sleeping together twice. It was great. All through the night, he held me close and kissed me. I really enjoyed it. He made no quick exit, stayed until it was time for me to get ready for work. Kissed me goodbye.

 

In general a really good guy. Goes to church, is great with his son and family. Has a good job. So that leads me to where we are now. Ever since that day he stayed over, I'm usually the one who texts first. He text twice on his own. When he does, he sends photos of himself or his baby or we talk a few minutes. But it's mostly me. Or he'lI take a while to get back.

 

It's been 4 days since he stayed over. I have been trying to be nice, offered to bring him lunch at work the next day but he said he was too busy with clients. Maybe im suffocating him. So I guess I'm getting mixed signals? I for sure want more. But was it just a one night stand? It kinda makes me feel used.

 

Im going crazy trying to figure it out? Do I just leave it alone? I mean wouldn't he have left after we had sex the first time? Would he have kissed me goodbye and held me all night? I just don't want to risk losing him send seeing him on fb with some other woman cause I didn't try hard enough since he's a good guy. I have severe abandonment issues. Last time I text was yesterday and ive not tried at all today. Going to see if he notices.

Edited April 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[clia]

How did things end the first time? Did it just fizzle out or did something happen? It sounds like he was more interested in you than you were in him back then, so it's possible that now he's a little gun shy.

 

That said, it's only been four days.

 

You say that "maybe I'm suffocating him." How much have you texted him in the past four days? I would suggest taking a step back and giving him the opportunity to reach out to you. It's really hard to say what's going on, but IMO it's not a good sign that he hasn't asked you out on another date yet. (Or has he?)

[kendahke]

He didn't use you. You wanted to have sex with him so you did. Nothing wrong with that.

You have assigned more importance to the sex than he has and perhaps you need to walk that back and just let things develop organically.

 

At the time I think maybe I wasn't completely over my 10 year relationship so I didn't really give my all

 

So right now, he's not giving his all.

 

Ease up on this a little--he might be willing to be your eff buddy, but doesn't want a full on relationship with its attending obligations.

[Missinghim17]

How did things end the first time? Did it just fizzle out or did something happen? It sounds like he was more interested in you than you were in him back then, so it's possible that now he's a little gun shy.

 

That said, it's only been four days.

 

You say that "maybe I'm suffocating him." How much have you texted him in the past four days? I would suggest taking a step back and giving him the opportunity to reach out to you. It's really hard to say what's going on, but IMO it's not a good sign that he hasn't asked you out on another date yet. (Or has he?)

 

Yes definitely no plans for meeting up so far. I was a little shy in the bedroom as this was my first time with him and I was nervous. Im not sure if that had anything to do with it. I starting feeling funny when he said I didn't need to go bring him lunch but he was really nice about it. Ive text maybe twice a day. He responds but hours later. Last year he used to respond within minutes for the most part.

[fishlips]

I would let him make the next move. He knows how to get in contact with you, so it's his turn. If he doesn't act interested, well you have your answer.

 

It's possible that being a parent, he's busy with his child.

[mark clemson]

One possibility is that he's simply quite busy at work. Projects have ups and downs and for many people there are times when they have to be very involved and focused and then times when they can hang back and might have 15 min for texting or meeting for lunch, etc.

 

A few texts a day doesn't sound smothering to me + the fact that he's texting you pics is a fairly good sign IMO.

 

You describe him as "smoking hot" - so he could be seeing other women as well as you. Nothing wrong with that when dating as you know. Suggest you don't be shocked/upset if that's the case.

 

If it's just his work schedule then presumably he'd want to see you again. You should find out for certain if he asks for another date. IF he doesn't in the next day or two, suggest that you do - e.g. ask him if he's like to do anything this coming weekend.

 

Try to not get TOO emotionally invested yet, as it does sound like it could go either way from here. From what you write I'm thinking better chance that it DOES continue than it doesn't.

[smackie9]

Yup you are making this out more than it should be. Like I always say sex is not currency that buys you a relationship. You both had a nice time. It's not the time to visiting him at his work, or having long conversations over text. It's too much too soon. I agree you need to back off, and let things happen organically. If he's into you, he will contact you for a date. If he doesn't you simply move on. Don't make things more complicated than they need to be.

[Redhead14]

I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, especially early in the scenario, she should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows her otherwise. Don't reach out to him first. Wait this out.

[Missinghim17]

Im kicking myself for not showing more interest and trying harder last year when he wanted to. I re read all our texts from back then and I wish more than anything I had all that attention now.

[chillii]

But you hadn't slept with him back then right ?

At any rate , it's a bit soon to say , your cert more into it than him right now on the surface though, but he could be busy , only been a few days.

Been a few days since your thread though now, heard from him yet ?

l'd say it's a bit of a time thing now but if he doesn't show much interest soon or over the next week or so then it's probably on the fizzle.

Cuddling all night or being so nice in the morning doesn't mean much in this way, niceties , politeness, enjoyment.Should let us know how he's shaping up over the next week or so .

[TheFinalWord]

Chances are he didn't feel you being closed off the first time you started dating. It was only 4 dates. There was probably something else that caused it to end.

 

Whatever the issue was that caused it to die off then, may still be there and he may be uncertain or not want anything significant.

 

To him, sex does not mean you have a relationship, or even will. At the same time, it doesn't mean it's meaningless to him or he doesn't care about you. But it is separate from the relationship forming. It's confusing if you're the type that wants to develop a friendship before getting intimate.

 

But now the door is opened and it will be hard to put that genie back in the bottle. If it seems he wants to go out with you and date you you could try telling him you got caught up in the heat of the moment, but would prefer to slow down physical intimacy while you get to know each other. Then you'll find out if he is really a good guy.

 

Chances are he's probably going to expect sex before there is any commitment. Where the frustration can come in is if you continue giving him sex thinking that is going to lock him down. Will not work. You have to decide what is best for you and protect your heart. Put your heart first, especially when sex is involved. Because there's an equal chance that while you're having sex and getting to know each other, he may decide he does not want a relationship. Will you be okay with that? Is that risk worth it to you? Only you can answer.

 

Don't kick yourself about not being ready before. Think of this as a brand new dating opportunity. Both of you are not the people you were then. You don't want to compare past to present.

Edited April 24, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[Redhead14]

Im kicking myself for not showing more interest and trying harder last year when he wanted to. I re read all our texts from back then and I wish more than anything I had all that attention now.

 

 

This line of thinking is flawed, IMO. You showed a ton of interest by sleeping with him and he disappeared anyway. The guy was interested in only one thing and he got it. This would have happened last year too.