Welp, it could be over soon :( Possible Broken Engagement Upcoming....

[Leigh 87]

You should start being more honest with yourself, Leigh.

 

Children aren’t suppose to be used to fill a void. How could you dare to place such high demands on an innocent, little person?

 

A baby won’t save you, only you can do that.

 

I am happy with my life. I am in the relationship I want, with the man I actually always wanted and wished for.

 

It is the fact I faced the PCOS diagnosis and the possibility of ending up childless that broke my spirit. Bleeding for a year straight and being bed ridden did NOT help me and put me in dire straights mentally, as well as physically.

 

But I am happy with my life at large - I am doing everything exactly.. exactly how I would want ----- I am achieving a degree and have never given up on it, get good grades, and have found a field of work I love and am good at during this degree.

 

I know I am meant to be a mum - and no amount of self work will ever make me change this direction. The seed is planted. I will always wish to experience motherhood.

 

Maybe right this moment poor mental health means putting it off for a while, but I believe I will make an excellent parent, as would my fiance.

 

My desire to be a mum is the same as any good parent out there felt pre conception. My fiance happens to be great father material albeit like my own dad and many men - he does not want is AS badly as I do, but is still happy with the prospect of children.

 

This is about working together with my partner and as an individual to get my hours up at work again and get this degree finished - to get out of the slump I was in. I was in bed a solid YEAR due to my chronic health condition and hormonal consequences, so it is just taking me time to get back into life again. I did lost my main client throughout this ordeal, but have kept part time work on and off even during my bed ridden state - I tried to the bitter end to maintain my job and my degree - I even failed a semester due to being bed ridden - I did 0 study whatsoever, was too ill to read lectures at all yet STILL showed up to those exams and got over 70 in them, and only failed by 2 marks. I STILL showed up here despite extenuating circumstances.

 

I do not think anyone here is giving me enough credit as to the kind of mother I am going to be.

[Leigh 87]

I don't personally know of any cases, but I've seen movies and television where when the woman is so obsessed with having kids, it turns the man off and he just doesn't want to participate in the process anymore.

 

 

 

You keep focusing on what you don't have and that makes you miserable. If you continue this way, and you don't ever have kids, you will always be miserable and giving off miserable vibes.

 

 

Please find happiness in your current relationship without bringing up the issues of kids, go see a doctor and have tests done, but don't go back to your boyfriend with the nitty gritty details, believe me, he doesn't want to hear it.

 

 

I think a man just wants you to show him a positive pregnancy test and that's it. He doesn't want to know anything else. If his sperm is fine, great. Go and test yourself, use herbal methods to ovulate, change your diet, and especially change your attitude because you are down-trodden. Keep a positive mind and positive soul. Your brain affects your body, you're placing and focusing on what you DON'T have and that alone will give you more DON'T.

 

 

Close your eyes and visualize rubbing your pregnant belly and feel those wonderful emotions. Write it down, "I'm so happy, today I found out I'm pregnant." "I'm 6 months today and I can feel the baby kicking." And feel happy about that.

 

 

 

You constantly lament about what you don't have. It's not healthy.

 

 

If you and this guy break up, guess what, you have to go the IVF route or the adoption route or the sperm donor route so try to focus on keeping the spark alive and stop the baby talk. It's not doing either of you any good.

 

 

Yes In my other thread in the getting married section I have worked with therapy and alongside my partner we have both decided to focus on my blessings in the moment rather on what I do not have.....

 

This is the first issue we are addressing in therapy and it is also what my partner has voiced -- in fact, he has told me pretty much word for word what you have said.........................

 

He wants kids with me - the thought is a positive one. But he just wants to see the positive test. He does not want to obsess about when or how it will happen.

 

He certainly told me I have to start living again irrespective of outcomes.

[Leigh 87]

I don't understand the problem except for slightly different timing on having kids. People that are so in love, once in a lifetime kind of love, don't just break up for vague reasons.

 

 

I am just happy that after a lifetime of having pets, I have found "the one" in my current cat. Best pet ever, in every way <3

 

What scared me the most when I discovered and was diagnosed with PCOS and one tube --- was the possibility of childlessness.

 

I would feel deeply, deeply guilty for depriving him of the opportunity to be a father EVEN though he has stressed that he would not leave me over that issue.

 

I'm doubtful I would find the love at first site type of love with true chemistry and a true connection again with a man who I have this deep connection with - the true love and stability in a man is rare, and you are right, I am an idiot for even thinking for a moment that I would let fertility issues tear us apart.

 

I will add - IF you felt the innate urge to experience motherhood at the level I do and a lot of women do - it is a weird feeling when the possibility of infertility is thrown into the mix. Love alone just is not enough at times to survive infertility - it really can be soul destroying particularly for the woman......

 

Easy said than done. True love is great but it would take immense self work, therapy and soul searching for me to come out of the other side of possible infertility in one piece. It is naive to assume true love is enough. It would surely take work, therapy and will power to overcome involuntary childlessness when you feel you are meant to be a mum.

[Leigh 87]

I love pets. They truly are wonderful. They soothe your soul.

 

 

But like I wrote before, the more you focus on the DON'T have, the more you will receive of the DON'T have. Be positive in your thinking that a child will grow in your belly from your love with your current boyfriend.

 

 

 

Ever seen "Sex and the City"? All Charlotte talked about was "baby, baby, baby." Doctor, check his sperm, I went to the doctor today, he said this and that, and we have to do this and that, check levels, blood, the doctor said this, give me an injection, I'm ovulating right now, no we can't have sex right now because you need to preserve your juices, etc. It made Trey not wanna try anymore because that's all she ever talked about.

 

 

This other movie "Election" with Reese Witherspoon and Matthew Broderick, the wife just wanted missionary sex and said "put your seed in me." She only ever laid on her back and sex became monotonous and only did it during the time she might possibly get pregnant.

 

 

If you want a child with this man, stop talking about a baby and focus on the romance, the spark, take a mini-vacation together over the weekend, talk about the fun things you want to do. Keep your fertility talk between you and your doctor. And from your post it looks like this is the only thing that will break you guys up. You don't want that. Keep this relationship alive.

 

Thanks. We thankfully had natural chemistry at first site and the sex life is great and I do count of lucky stars that we do not have to work at it really.

 

I am actually adopting this approach lately and it seems to be, ahem, having great results in terms of our overall relationship.

 

When I think about the examples... Of which the movies and TV shows I have seen..... I do tend to feel that we will definitely conceive but it won't happen if I let it get to that point of obsession that is devoid of a true, actual loving relationship and sex life that reflects any actual desires outside of breeding.....

 

It'll happen I feel and medically, although one tube means it'll take longer, it will happen and you are right in that I need to do extensive work with the therapist to allow it to just happen as it should in its own time, be is 2 years or 6 years. Saying 6 years feels sad sure, but I am sure I will be a parent and negativity is not going to make it happen faster.

[Leigh 87]

I think this encapsulates everything and all the baby talk is a distraction.

 

You have not been working on your relationship, being obsessed with what you want, and this is the result.

 

It also seems as if you have abdicated all responsibility for your own life, dropping out of school, letting your home go, etc.

 

Girl you have some work to do.

 

I took a break this semester. Back to semester two this year and on the path to graduating next year.

 

I failed last semester due to being bed ridden, not looking at the course material yet still managing to show up to exams, maxi pads and super tampons in place, PASSING all the exams bar ONE and only failing by 2 marks at that.

 

I fought to the end despite extenuating circumstances. I did not merely drop out. I was looking at needing a hysterectomy if I did not get my bleeding under control.

 

I have not done things any differently than any other good student would have.

 

Not sure what else it is you feel you would have done differently to me under my same conditions at the time.

[Leigh 87]

And just what...maybe two weeks ago...he got some fancy ovulation device?

 

Although in all my experience with fertility, i never heard of a ovulation detecting device that required someone to keep a thermometer in their vagina for long periods of time to record a temp every few moments as was claimed in that thread. Perhaps that’s because I’m in the US and most women here merely used a BBT thermometer every morning at the same time orally.

 

 

This is what my friends who are infertile all used via the advice of their specialists. They fell pregnant using it. They all have PCOS too.

 

My fiance got me the device not for the purpose of conceiving ASAP... But he was concerned about my health, and wanted to see if all the naturopathic remedies and acupuncture I have afforded through my job - was working.

 

He wanted to see that my body was working (or not) so he got it for me. He is more concerned that I work properly.

 

As for the person who sad the honeymoon has ended - far from it. When you have natural chemistry, the spark does not die. Life events cause issues - true love is choosing each other during the worst times of our lives when you see each other in the worst possible states.

 

True love or whatever it is is not something that I am worried about here. This is not what this thread was ever about. Funny comment from the poster about the honeymoon phase dying and be ONLY wanting to experience parenthood to bring the spark back. Truly hilarious.

[Leigh 87]

Anyway can this thread plz be closed? I hit rock bottom and am working out of it now.

 

We have decided where to go from here, I am seeking the help I need and am undergoing counselling and the like and have a plan regarding the month/year I intend to graduate. I have a lot of staff and services at my fingertips I have set up to assist my journey through Uni should I need additional help to graduate on time.

 

Things are looking up with us and I feel like we are going to make it.

 

Towards the end of the year when I am mere months from graduating and providing my mental health is back up to a high level again, we want to try for kids. I am 32 with a blocked tube so we do want to try sooner rather than later, we are not the types who need our lives to be in perfect order before kids --- most people would wait to graduate and work a few years, get established etc etc but we go by what feels right and as long as he has a good job (which he does) we do not see the need to wait for any reasons other than mental health.

 

Loads of women in my cohort have gotten pregnant and graduated - the college allows you to sit exams a month and a half late and makes allowances for birth and illness of any kind too. AT the off chance I CAN just conceive right away with the one working tube; highly unlikely!

 

I have a feeling though that statistically, I will be graduated mid next year before I even manage to conceive anyway but say I finish the degree whilst pregnant -- at least I can still graduate, and just focus on my career after the baby. Women do it every year, having a baby does not have to ruin your future career.

 

I am also not a big fan of having to start your new career and maintain a role in the industry for X number of years either before your first child. It is just not for me. I believe babies come when they want to, when the time is right. My belief and my fiance's belief system is going to differ with the majority of people, who believe both partners need stable jobs for years before planning; just the one partner having this is enough to feel responsible.

 

I know no one agrees with us trying anytime soon, but waiting years just to "try" for kids when we are already 32 and know we want a child together just is not something that we want.I feel if I get on top of my mental health then there is no reason having a new baby at say, age 34 or even late 33, would be a bad experience. We would make loving parents and at least have his secure job.

 

I am sorry I panicked for a moment and started this thread ---- - I only received the bad news that I may struggle to have children not so long ago and it sent me into an awful place that ONLY a woman in my position can ever possibly speculate on as to what is the wrong or right way to react to such devastating news.

 

As a final aside - not loving other peoples kids is not an indicator that you will not enjoy raising YOUR own child. A lot has changed since 4 years ago when I said I hated toddlers.... I did not even feel remotely ready, had NO partner I ever felt the need to have kids with..... Had not started my degree..... Had not started to act to turn my life around..... Of course I was not all about babies. Since then, in those years since I made the "I hate toddlers" statement, things have changed. As they do for many women who suddenly arrive at the place in their lives when they meet the right partner and wish to start families.

 

Not every woman knows they need to be mothers at a young age. The thought of doing it with my exes repulsed me in fact, and also the fact I was so, so very far off achieving a professional qualification....having a baby when you are close to graduating a degree with a 4 year relationship with a man who wants to marry you in the future and with whom you communicate very effectively with when it comes to solving problems - is really not the worst time for a baby.

 

My parents didn't like kids but loved HAVING their own child. I am much the same as my parents. I even started to want kids the same age as they did.

 

I hope things clear up from here and I have good news to report next year regarding nearing the end of my degree at long last, after a ten year struggle to commit to a degree at all.

 

Have a feeling marriage will happen after kids as we are very evidence based when it comes to marriage - had the right feelings early on but are the wrong sorts of people to jump into marriage. But we do not view marriage and children the same way most people I readily acknowledge - again, we feel babies are just meant to be when they come, and as long as you have the right kind of love for one another and a DESIRE to marry them, then mental health issues aside - we feel kids can gladly come before a marriage is established.

 

We are easy going people and so I would not even try to convince me how my life will be ruined if I apparently do not do X Y and Z in the order and time frame that most other couples adhere to.

 

Relationship first - a few months to get back on track and then we will see what happens baby wise. I am sure you are all breathing a sigh of RELIEF that I have only one working tube and PCOS, LOL, since it means having a baby will statistically be likely to be delayed a lot in any case:lmao:

 

We have had four wonderful years together don't forget - a low low in my life is not indicative or a cr@p relationship. We have been together happy, for 4 years:lmao:

 

Gosh it really is not as bad as people are thinking it is........ I sort of feel quite blessed on a daily basis at the love we managed to find. It feels the opposite of settling, basically. All the mental health in the world cannot create something that cannot just not be manufactured.

 

I like to think that the things that can be changed will be overcame. While the raw ingredients are just, "there" I guess......

 

After being here for so long I could never take this relationship for granted again over a scary health diagnosis and I hope he realises how sorry I am for appearing ungrateful and stalling in my life, when we both have so much to be happy about. I mean, the odds of finding true love (to ME and MY standard) is rare and uncommon, so I feel very foolish for giving up on life over one little health diagnosis and do hope my commitment and determination pays off and that this can be done.

 

I will take it one day at a time. Each day has to be done right. By the end of the year feels right for the relationship to be more solid and heading towards marriage again.

 

Thread closed please I have read a helpful comment or two, have taken a lot of value from those comments and am done accepting "advice" regarding nonsense at me not truly wanting to experience parenthood and only wanting it to fill a perceived void, from strangers who don't actually know the ins and outs of my life and whether or not I am otherwise enjoying it outside of the mental health episode I had.

 

I have been polite and responded to every single comment,despite not relating or agreeing with them bar one or two helpful comments.

[ExpatInItaly]

Was he thinking of breaking up with you? Is that what triggered this whole panic?

 

I’m getting the impression that underneath it all, this has little to do with fertility and having children.