Once in a Lifetime?

[Logo]

Have you ever felt that a relationship you were once in was a once in a lifetime occurrence?

Have you ever been proven wrong after you had that thought?

 

 

Why is it that when we set goals and work hard to reach them, we often do? They say if you put your mind to it, you will achieve it.

 

 

So why does it feel like the same idea doesn’t apply to relationships or, at the very least, finding someone you like and who likes you back just as much?

 

 

Perhaps it’s possible, but dedicating one’s life to finding a partner can be a futile and fruitless endeavor. When was the last time love put a roof over anyone’s head and food on their table? Right?

 

All the leaves are brown, and the sky is gray

 

Maybe I’m just California dreaming.

Edited April 23, 2019 by Logo

[basil67]

Have you ever felt that a relationship you were once in was a once in a lifetime occurrence?

 

No. While I am a very long time happy with my partner, I am sure I would have found a great relationship with someone else had he not come along.

 

Have you ever been proven wrong after you had that thought?

 

N/A

 

Why is it that when we set goals and work hard to reach them, we often do? They say if you put your mind to it, you will achieve it.

 

Have you ever seen how many small business start ups go bad? Very high stats. Not to say it's all bad.....there are other personal development goals which are easier to reach.

 

So why does it feel like the same idea doesn’t apply to relationships or, at the very least, finding someone you like and who likes you back just as much?

 

Because in a relationship, the feelings of another can derail a plan no matter what we think about it.

 

Perhaps it’s possible, but dedicating one’s life to finding a partner can be a futile and fruitless endeavor. When was the last time love put a roof over anyone’s head and food on their table? Right?

 

With the property market where I live being as it is, it happens every day all around me. Salaries of two people required to keep a roof over their head and raise a family.

 

Maybe I’m just California dreaming

 

Great song.

[chillii]

Yep , and no feeling it needed , it was a no brainer.

And although l certainly can't complain now , l've always known that won't be happening again in this lifetime.

Buttttt, what can you do.

[Mr. Lucky]

No. While I am a very long time happy with my partner, I am sure I would have found a great relationship with someone else had he not come along.

 

I'm with Bailey. Still love my wife after 30 years together, and appreciate her unique contribution to my life. But neither of us are a group of one, there's others out there could have made both of us just as happy.

 

To me, holding out for a "soulmate" just means one doesn't want to do the work necessary to make a good relationship a great one...

 

Mr. Lucky

[some_username1]

Have you ever felt that a relationship you were once in was a once in a lifetime occurrence?

 

Yes.

 

Have you ever been proven wrong after you had that thought?

 

No.

Why is it that when we set goals and work hard to reach them, we often do? They say if you put your mind to it, you will achieve it.

So why does it feel like the same idea doesn’t apply to relationships or, at the very least, finding someone you like and who likes you back just as much?

 

Because we can have no control over another person's feelings. You can squinch your eyes shut as much as you like and mutter under your breath "she likes me, she likes me, she likes me" to your heart's content (and God knows, I have) but while sheer force of will can help you achieve many academic and career related goals it will never change someone's feelings towards you unless *they want them to*.

 

 

Perhaps it’s possible, but dedicating one’s life to finding a partner can be a futile and fruitless endeavor. When was the last time love put a roof over anyone’s head and food on their table? Right?

 

That would be a fool's errand in the first place because again you are putting your life in the hand's of others who have no obligation to put you out of your misery and end your noble quest. Your search for meaning in life should not be centred on love. Well, it can be if it's a search for love for yourself. It is in fact arguable that some truly cannot be loved until they have found that love and acceptance of themselves. Everything you *need* in life you need to find it from within.

 

Ten chars.

[alphamale]

when it comes to eastern cultures life is all about practicality

[Logo]

I'm with Bailey. Still love my wife after 30 years together, and appreciate her unique contribution to my life. But neither of us are a group of one, there's others out there could have made both of us just as happy.

 

To me, holding out for a "soulmate" just means one doesn't want to do the work necessary to make a good relationship a great one...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

 

Forget soulmate. I’d settle for someone normal at this point. It’s easy to say “just means doesn’t want to do the work” when the last time they dated was in the 1980s.

[mark clemson]

I think HappyLemming likes to say "there's a lid for every pot". Something like that. I think he's right. Keep looking. Don't make it your only/all consuming goal, just one of many so you'll never feel you wasted your life or anything.

 

IF you never find at least you know you tried.

[basil67]

Forget soulmate. I’d settle for someone normal at this point. It’s easy to say “just means doesn’t want to do the work” when the last time they dated was in the 1980s.

 

I know we're not talking about you here because you've written posts about dating this year.

 

But for the imaginary someone who hasn't dated in 30 years and wants to - they are likely to have some kind of social skill/mental health disorder....or is so extraordinary choosy that they rule out everyone they meet. More likely to be the former and yes, it's possible that they truly are undatable.

[Mr. Lucky]

But for the imaginary someone who hasn't dated in 30 years and wants to - they are likely to have some kind of social skill/mental health disorder....or is so extraordinary choosy that they rule out everyone they meet. More likely to be the former and yes, it's possible that they truly are undatable.

 

Or they could have been in a recently-ended relationship all that time. I may be wrong but I thought that's where Logo was going...

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

Ah yes, it could be that too. Have no idea of the relevance to Logo though.

Edited April 23, 2019 by basil67

[chillii]

Personally , l don't believe you can make it happen like other things in life. You can work hard or smart and make money or buy nice things or get into hobbies you always wanted or travel or whatever .

To a lot of degree we can control things like that and make them happen.

 

But genuine love and feel between two people, isn't something you can just go out and find, and money can't buy it either, and you can't make it or manufacture it.

Although l suppose you could try what a lot of people in forums seem to do, meet 100s of people, although in real life , well here anyway, l dunno anyone that does that or was doing that when they met their other.

Personally l do think it often comes down to senses, some people just find that trail and follow their nose, making the right choices, but luck, coincidence, timing right place right time has a lot to do with it too.

There was a thread somewhere on how did you meet and l think even in that from memory , most of them were just a long the lines of coincidental , right place right time and stuff

Edited April 23, 2019 by chillii

[basil67]

Luck, timing, right time, right place accounts for a whole lot more in our lives than just dating too. It's the whole sliding doors thing.

[Stillits]

Yes, I've had this feeling. I've been single for more than 7 years now since then and haven't found any connection that was reciprocated evenly in that time despite meeting many new people. I guess time will tell if that feeling is wrong or not - but that being said, each relationship is different, anyway.

[Logo]

Luck is an enigmatic concept. The world can appear both chaotic and orderly at the same time. They say luck favors the bold. Maybe. I can think of a few opportunities that I could have pursued had I been paying attention.

 

How did I meet my ex? It was unplanned, by sheer accident and happenstance.

It was as though a plan had been set in motion. Looking back, two to three events had to occur before I met her and they were completely random.

 

 

But I had a feeling I was going to meet someone. Maybe I went there with the intention of meeting someone no matter what. Maybe that’s why she’s my ex now. Still, it was amazing while it lasted and then, like Humpty Dumpty, it fell off a wall and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men..

 

 

A deliberate search has produced no results so far. I have resigned myself to go about my life as normal while I dabble in dating here and there.

[chillii]

That's the sort of thing l meant in senses, or some people picking up the trail and following their nose.

That's exactly what happened to you that time , you sensed it and followed your nose, even if you didn't know you were doing it.

l knew and felt they were near when l met the most important women in my life, like ex now, w , but things just went wrong, life, gf , and l knew which way l had to go and do for it to happen.

Not something in words , just a feeling.

 

So there ya go , you do have that, you can relax and enjoy life . And l'd say the only reason you haven't felt it again since, is because she's not near yet , but when she is you'll probably feel it again l'd say when the time comes and you'll know what to do.

Heard lots of stories with others and that stuff too.

Pretty cool .

Edited April 24, 2019 by chillii

[2.50 a gallon]

I have been in 3 loving relationships.

First and most important, of a dozen grandchildren I was the only one who could pass on the family name. From about age 21 I began to get family pressure of when are you going to get married and have an heir.

The family was desperate as coming out of college I had a great social life and dated lots, but nobody special

Until about age 27, then there she was, for me it was love at first sight, but not so with her. It took me almost 3 months to get the first date, but after that it was easy sliding. After a year we got engaged, But there was one big problem. She was old fashioned Hispanic, and while the rest of her family accepted me, her older sister did not. In fact was determined that her younger sister would never marry a gringo. And while I loved her very much, until she got things settled with her sister I was not about to set the wedding date. After 3 years of waiting she threw in the towel and we broke up.

The best way to describe the feeling come from the song "McArthur's Park" and the falling apart of the cake and wondering would I ever that recipe again.

The answer to that was yes and no.

Five years later I did fall in love again, but alas the marriage only lasted 6 months.

That left me determined to never let myself fall in love again. I lasted over 14 years. Many tried, but the instant I felt the possibility of the return of love, I bailed.

Then first kiss, second date, don't know what hit me, when I took her home that night, I realized how lonely my life was. We have now been together for over 23 years and it is a great loving relationship. Yes I am in love with her.

BUT - there is still something that the first love had, that never came close to my later relationships.

[Logo]

Thanks chilli. I know she’s out there. I just need to pay attention.

 

 

BUT - there is still something that the first love had, that never came close to my later relationships.

 

What is it, that something?

 

 

Maybe it’s us, the way we remember first experiences, whatever they are, the first time we fall in love, the first beer we have, the first car we own, the first kiss, the first bike we had.

 

 

Maybe it’s something else?

[Mr. Lucky]

Maybe it’s us, the way we remember first experiences, whatever they are, the first time we fall in love, the first beer we have, the first car we own, the first kiss, the first bike we had.

 

Exactly, as much to do with where we are in life as the experience itself.

 

Look at the first time you had sex - it had as much to do with the anticipation as it did with the act. And since there hopefully wasn't as long a gap between subsequent sexual experiences, less time for that build-up to occur.

 

Especially if that gap was like 10 minutes between the first and second time. Those were the days ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Eternal Sunshine]

It is luck and/or low standards.

 

 

My brother has been in a number serious relationships for the last 20 years. He hasn't been single for even 6 months during that time. This had little to do with luck. He is very good looking, owns a large business and kind hearted. Women he was with were WAY below his league in every way. So of course, he found it easy to maintain a LTR with them. I equate this phenomenon with putting my house on the market and asking $1000 for it. I am sure I would sell it in an instant. He also has a chameleon type of personality where he adapts to whoever he is dating. I actually don't know one case where he went on a few dates with someone and said "he wasn't feeling it". If he goes on one date, they are together for at least 3 years. Completely different girls in looks, personality etc.

 

 

I am on the other end of the spectrum and am very picky. I am looking for that once in a lifetime connection or I will stay single.

Edited April 25, 2019 by Eternal Sunshine

[Woggle]

What I have now with my wife I can't see having with anybody else. When people dream of the perfect marriage or relationship this must be what they see.

[Logo]

It is luck and/or low standards.

 

 

 

 

 

Some men have women on reserve, as it were. They stay in touch with a woman or two and keep them simmering, waiting for the moment when they break up with their girlfriend. Or in short, they monkey branch.

 

 

 

Low standards are also a factor. I can't be with a person and fake liking them. But you say that your brother adjusts to whoever he is with, so that's how he does it. Is he into them? Does he truly love them? Or is it more of a relationship of convenience?

 

 

 

I know people who don't mind being in a so-called relationship, but they treat the other person as a FB bordering on FWB than anything else, while the other person wants a relationship. People lower their standards and that's how they end up in one relationship after another.

[2.50 a gallon]

Actually my ex-fiancé was one of a kind. Over my life time I have dated hundreds of women. And she alone stands out.

In some ways my Ex-W and current GF are far more attractive to me than she was

I am a leg man. Ex-W was total fold out material, strawberry blonde, with long legs. Almost 5'11" to my 5' 6"

Looking over the photos in the men's magazines, the Ex-W was far more attractive than most calendar girls.

And my current GF of 23 years, has skater legs and is two inches taller than me.

While my Ex-fiancé was barely 5'.

It was her attitude on life and our future.

Edited April 26, 2019 by 2.50 a gallon