Mariami Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 I started a relationship with a man who is living in another country (and he is 10 years older than me). We are dating for 2 month. We meet at least 2 times in a month and spend 4-5 days together. Recently I noticed that he was leaving me on seen and was not replying me for for hours. I kindly asked if everything was ok but he told me that sometimes he is busy. Later on he told me: Lets talk when something happens, when you feel bad or want to say something. I see he is not into texting but I see him mostly online on whatsapp. I feel that I am very interested in him and want to talk to him. Know about his everyday life. Just know him better with everyday life details. I tried double texting and I felt really bad when he again left me on seen. Send him good night text and just went to sleep. All he did was ignore other messages and tell me "goodnight honey". Second morning I sent him an amazing view from my office but he still left me on seen. He says he likes me a lot and does everything to keep this relationship alive but I want to see the effort he does to me. Every time I start to reply late or "being busy" he asks me if everything is ok and why I take distance. But he cant realize he is doing same. When we talk, we talk a lot, share our life, problems, goals. But what can I do when we dont? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 When somebody contacts me and I am busy, I put myself first and do not reply. Also texting itself is not enjoyable. He has not replied as he is busy, and you may lose him if you willfully continue to ignore who he actually is, and who he has shown you, namely - a busy guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 Could be his age. I'm older too and find text to be the most annoying communication method known to man. It's great if you want to send a quick confirmation or ask someone to buy milk on the way home - but as a method of broad communication, it's awful. Perhaps you could agree on a time at night for a phone call? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mariami Posted April 23, 2019 Author Share Posted April 23, 2019 He is on a vacation, how can he be busy every time? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 Does he make time to contact you on a regular basis outside of texting? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mariami Posted April 23, 2019 Author Share Posted April 23, 2019 Sometimes I fly to him, sometimes he does. We just text each other. If neither this how am I supposed to know him better? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 Sometimes I fly to him, sometimes he does. We just text each other. If neither this how am I supposed to know him better? As I said earlier, perhaps you could agree on convenient times to make a phone call. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 I hate to say it OP, but I don't think this is all down to him being busy. He doesn't like to have text chats with you; that much is clear. Whether that is because he just isn't that interested in you or because he doesn't love texting in general isn't yet clear. As basil suggested, I would see if he's available to take a call. Texting gets old and monotonous fast, so perhaps a live call would be better and help you feel more connected. If he's hesitant to do so, and if he continues to be less communicative with you in general, then I think you might need to concede that he is losing interest. How did you meet him? Dating someone who lives in another country is going to be very difficult even when both parties are enthusiastic and communicative, so I would take some time to ask yourself if this is really a viable proposition for you in the long-term. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 (edited) Depends on a lot of things like is he loving and fully into this , into you in every other way and as keen as you, is it only messaging stuff where he drops off. A lot of guys just don't like messaging too much. l was in a LDR for a long time but because of our hours and freedom most wouldn't have , and the fact that we just couldn't stop talking anyway, we'd message 24.7. But admittedly as much fun as we'd have, all that typing and messaging was a real pain though and very time consuming. l know most guys would rather figure something else out or just survive on your phone calls and whatever. Edited April 23, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 He is on a vacation, how can he be busy every time? Oh, for God's sake, are you kidding? When I used to go on vacation, I didn't contact a single person from my life and just enjoyed it. He's more mature than you about texting. He doesn't like doing texting for no reason, habitual texting. He's not your gossip buddy girlfriend. He doesn't want to make time for sitting there with his phone. He doesn't see the point in texting about nothing. And he's been refreshingly straight with you about that, and yet, you act as if that is not his right. This isn't going to last. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 (edited) People who use texting for the purpose of getting reassurance are just plain annoying, and constant texting is like spying on someone. What are you doing? Where are you? Who are you with? My last ex did it all the time. I'd be in the middle of a conversation with, eg, my boss, and 'ping', a text would arrive. Not a text asking me to pick up milk on the way home, or reminding me of an appointment, nothing valid like that, but just my ex sending me one of those stupid memes that are so popular with people who need to get a life. He wanted my attention - in the middle of the day while I'm at work, or when I was out for lunch with girlfriends, or when I was otherwise busy. As for expecting someone to be available for you because they're on vacation - I've been there too. On a weekend retreat with a girlfriend I haven't seen for a couple of years - and he's getting shirty because I wasn't answering texts quickly enough. This type of neediness can become very draining and is an indicator of a much bigger problem. Don't even start me on people who send Tolstoy novel texts and want to have a long texty conversation - I just think they're mental and shouldn't be allowed to have a 'phone because they use it as a weapon to harass sane people. Edited April 24, 2019 by MsJayne Error 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I started a relationship with a man who is living in another country (and he is 10 years older than me). We are dating for 2 month. We meet at least 2 times in a month and spend 4-5 days together. Recently I noticed that he was leaving me on seen and was not replying me for for hours. I kindly asked if everything was ok but he told me that sometimes he is busy. Later on he told me: Lets talk when something happens, when you feel bad or want to say something. I see he is not into texting but I see him mostly online on whatsapp. I feel that I am very interested in him and want to talk to him. Know about his everyday life. Just know him better with everyday life details. I tried double texting and I felt really bad when he again left me on seen. Send him good night text and just went to sleep. All he did was ignore other messages and tell me "goodnight honey". Second morning I sent him an amazing view from my office but he still left me on seen. He says he likes me a lot and does everything to keep this relationship alive but I want to see the effort he does to me. Every time I start to reply late or "being busy" he asks me if everything is ok and why I take distance. But he cant realize he is doing same. When we talk, we talk a lot, share our life, problems, goals. But what can I do when we dont? Yes the testing thing is a problem. More then anything the fact that he goes on WhatsApp and leaves your messages on read. I dated a guy long distance and he barely texted me. He was always on social media, but would rarely contact me. I honestly believe there isn't such a thing as a non texter or too busy to text. If someone wants to talk to you, they will period. I literally had to beg for him to text me more and gave all the excuses in the book for his lacking behavior. When he came to visit me, he was GLUED to his phone, answering his friends. He didn't want to text me, plain and simple. Also he will tell you he is interested even if he isn't. Go by actions, not words. I'd say save yourself the trouble and find someone local. The distance was hard, but his lack of interest was the worst. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I enjoy texting, and consider it an important tool to stay connected. Maintaining regular contact is important to grow or maintain a strong bond with your partner. It's a way of telling your partner, "You're important to me, and I'm going to make you a part of my day." You might want to talk with him to get more feedback from him. Explain why it's important to you, the frequency you want, find out his desired frequency, and find a way to meet half way, or listen to alternative proposals from him for communication methods and frequency. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I hate to say it OP, but I don't think this is all down to him being busy. He doesn't like to have text chats with you; that much is clear. Whether that is because he just isn't that interested in you or because he doesn't love texting in general isn't yet clear. As basil suggested, I would see if he's available to take a call. Texting gets old and monotonous fast, so perhaps a live call would be better and help you feel more connected. If he's hesitant to do so, and if he continues to be less communicative with you in general, then I think you might need to concede that he is losing interest. How did you meet him? Dating someone who lives in another country is going to be very difficult even when both parties are enthusiastic and communicative, so I would take some time to ask yourself if this is really a viable proposition for you in the long-term. True! People are rarely ignored by their partners due to business. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleiss Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 He doesn't sound to be really interested, otherwise he should respond some way or another during the day.. On the other hand, I think you shouldn't text him too often, just to say "Hi, how are you?"... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mariami Posted July 27, 2019 Author Share Posted July 27, 2019 I've been seeing this guy for 4 months and during this time we became really really close and to each other. Once he told me that he finished his past ''relationship'' (lasted just a month) because he didnt feel chemistry. I thought everything was amazing with us but then he asked me to talk about where we were and suddenly told me - I feel that you are falling but I do not feel that great sparkle in me and I do not want to hurt you. Of course I didnt admitted because I was scared of losing him, but he added - will you be upset if I text other girls? I do not want you to feel lied. He is 10 years older than me and says he feels responsible for my feelings. I never had any problems in relationship before. I was always the picky one who was breaking up with guys with silly reasons but now I really feel that he is the one and I am just confused about everything. I really need your advises. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 NO need for any confusion. He is not feeling it and he wants to move on to someone else. He has told you this, so you would be stupid to hang around any longer. Any chance you had of a serious relationship with this guy is now gone. If he thought there was a chance or he wanted to fix things he would never have told he wanted to contact other women... Its over. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 What are you confused about? He is point blank telling you that this isn't working for him. He is not unclear. The idea that you think you got "really really close" to somebody you have only known for 120 days confuses me. That is not possible. You need time -- I'm talking YEARS -- for intimacy to grow. Slow down. You also say you are afraid of losing him. You can't lose what you never had. Dating is a weeding out process. You see what (who) works & what doesn't. You move along until you both find in the other the right fit. While you may be thrilled with him, the feeling is not mutual. Let him go. He can text all the other women he wants but will need to stop wasting your time. You move on to somebody who does think you hang the moon. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 nothing to be confused about. he doesnt like you enough to be exclusive. move on and date other men till you find someone you like that likes you back and wants to be exclusive with you 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 I just read your other thread about this man. You two aren't even in the same country. This is long distance. Give up. Stop wasting your time. Find a nice local man & be happy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 There is nothing for you to do here but respect his decision and end contact. It hurts, but he doesn't feel the same way you do and is looking for someone else to date. Continuing to try to be in his life will only cause you more pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Don't ever be afraid to lose a man. There are millions more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Sorry to say but what goes around comes around , tables can always turn and this time it's his. There's really nothing you could do if it's just not there for him but especially as it's been getting even less rather than growing. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 I don't think you should ever go backward with someone. This sounds like moving backward. IMO, you should not agree to let him talk to others girls--so since that is what he's told you he'd like to do, you should kick him to the curb (that means dump him altogether). Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 I've been seeing this guy for 4 months I thought everything was amazing with us but then he asked me to talk about where we were and suddenly told me - I feel that you are falling but I do not feel that great sparkle in me and I do not want to hurt you. Your involvement is right at the point where weak foundation relationships begin to fail... that happens around the 2 1/2 - 6 month point. The "representatives on their best behavior" are being dismissed and the real you and him have come to the fore---and the real him doesn't want a relationship with the real you. Are you good with him texting and building intimacy with other women while seeing you (you do know you're being demoted to a FWB, right?) I'd say as long as you're extended the same latitude to text other guys, no harm no foul, that's if you insist upon orbiting this guy. If that's his position, all you can do is accept it, drop him and go find a guy who wants what you want. Can't make this guy want something/someone he doesn't want, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
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