I didn't ask for this **Updated**

[Redhead14]

Listen, it shouldn't be a struggle. When it becomes a struggle, you can and should make your exit. This woman is confused, at best. It's one thing to want a couple of days to get organized, recharge, etc. Everyone needs a little me time. This woman is not taking "me" time, she's taking YOU time. Don't give it to her by fretting and mind-f'ing yourself and keeping yourself in a holding pattern. End this now. She's treating you like a doormat. Pick up the mat and close the door once and for all.

 

 

I mean she doesn't have to respond at all so i guess responding "i love you so much too" is showing it.

 

You need to require more for yourself. Words need to be backed up with matching actions. When that's not happening, all you have are empty words.

[Mr. Lucky]

Ok, how about thinking about this in the context of her wanting space?

 

ashteller, she doesn't want space from the relationship, she wants space - and distance - from you, a message you either can't or won't accept.

 

Been with my wife for 30+ years, never once in our initial time together did I experience the square peg/round hole obstacle you're up against. There's a lesson here, might as well learn it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[alphamale]

dude, your relationship with this woman is over

[basil67]

I don't agree that she got 'pumped and dumped' in her two day absence. Post-breakup regret is a thing. Often a foolish thing - but a thing nonetheless.

[basil67]

the times i am busy and its over 30 minutes without responding to her, she sends me a "hello?" Text or "alright i got you" as if because i'm taking so long to respond and if that happens she becomes irritated.

 

When you were too busy to respond, I hope you didn't apologise for the delay. A simple, 'yes I'm fine - just busy' is more than sufficient.

[ashteller]

If someone is unsure whether they want to remain in a relationship with you, but they are giving you the chance to talk with them and talk about it and talk it through.

 

What do you say to keep them? Like i know everyone will probably say to just walk away, but what if you really love this person and you believe in an "us"

 

What do you say to keep them?

[BaileyB]

Ashteller, you really shouldn’t have to convince someone to be in a relationship with you.

 

I would walk away, with my dignity and self respect intact. I’m sorry.

[Mr. Lucky]

What do you say to keep them?

 

Do you really want to be with someone you have to "keep", to somehow convince them to stay with you? You're going to market yourself like a package of soap or can of diet soda? "We interrupt your day for another message about why ashteller is a great BF".

 

I'll gently suggest that's not love...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Logo]

I look at relationships as being all in or all out. Anything in between is not long lasting and not worth it.

[ashteller]

Does it change anything for the fact this is a long distance relationship? We have seen each other 4 times in person so far with another one planned.

 

She has visited me twice and i visited her twice, -she was supposed to come see me this time but different circumstances in her life changed it to me going instead.

 

What's everyone's view and opinion now knowing it's a LDR?

 

I left that out at first because i knew everyone would focus that

[Orokotikki]

It means you really, really should move on.

[ChatroomHero]

A long text pouring your heart out and explaining too much is never the way to go. It will always seem needy and clingy. Her slow and dismissive response tells you a lot.

 

 

You ask why a relationship is so hard. It's only hard when at least one of the parties don't want it. It's hard for you to 'give her space' because you can't justify or rationalize in your mind that she actually wants space as opposed to not wanting a relationship with you. If someone is really into you and wants space, you can tell. You are not sitting there wondering why and what it really means. When she is stringing you along, you will always be stressed and wondering what the real deal is and you will be wanting a legit answer that makes sense. If she does not want to be with you but also gives strong signals that she might, you won't get a legit answer and you'll be twisting away wondering where you stand.

 

 

If it seems difficult, you can probably scrap it. It's not the movies where the guy proves himself and how great he is and the woman realizes it and falls for him. I think that's what you think is happening. If you can show her how great you are for her, she will suddenly change. In reality, if you think of other women that are nice, pleasant, into you, good to you etc., but you are not attracted or just not into them, is there anything they can do to suddenly make you think she's the one? You might string her along because she is nice enough or she fills some of your needs, but she will no doubt be twisting in the wind and wondering where you stand because you'll know in the end it isn't going to happen but might not come out and say it until you're up against the wall.

 

 

Analyze her actions without the words. If she says I love you but waits a day to respond to you, the I love you is not very meaningful. If she says she wants to see you or be with you, but she never makes it happen, what she says is meaningless. If you judge her on her actions purely, I bet you'll notice a lot less signals of interest if any.

[Logo]

Does it change anything for the fact this is a long distance relationship? We have seen each other 4 times in person so far with another one planned.

 

She has visited me twice and i visited her twice, -she was supposed to come see me this time but different circumstances in her life changed it to me going instead.

 

What's everyone's view and opinion now knowing it's a LDR?

 

I left that out at first because i knew everyone would focus that

 

 

LDRs are probably emotionally consuming. I haven't been in one, but think about how much you're investing and what you're getting back and ask yourself if it's worth it.

 

 

 

If the other person was all in, it might be worth it. But in this case? Ask yourself what would you say to a friend or someone you know if they presented you with the facts you presented here. Set your emotions aside.

[mightybop]

This is an LDR and you two have only seen each 4 times and you're saying "I love you" already? And there's already been a break up? You're putting yourself through too much stress in a situation like this. I would tell her it's probably not gonna work out and move on. She's probably thinking the same thing. Date someone closer who you can see more often.

[spiderowl]

She obviously likes you but is not interested enough. She says 'I love you' rather too casually for my liking. This is something the 'casual' guys I've met have tended to do; the ones who are serious are not so easy to express their deep feelings.

 

Honestly, withdraw with dignity and tell yourself this is over. Someone who wants you will not be asking for space. And even if they do need some personal time, they will want to see you within two or three days. As an introvert, sometimes I need a rest from people in general. But a day is enough of a rest.

 

She is just messing you about, maybe because she is young and does not know which way to turn, if she's getting attention from others. Regardless, if she wanted to be with you, you would know it and you would not be hanging on waiting for her attention. You need to disentangle yourself emotionally and then move on.