Is it finally over this time?

[loverainydays]

I am just curious to know opinions of what people here believe to be true.

 

If you used to see your AP daily, you both were utterly and completely into each other, and then all a sudden (due to job change) you don’t see each other daily anymore.....(so no visible temptation as previously) which most likely would apply for you/your situation

 

A) Out of sight/out of mind (and if so, at what point)

B) Absence makes heart grow fonder

[mark clemson]

I'm in that situation (EA only) in that I saw her at the facility where she worked.

 

In my case it's been out of sight, out of mind, BUT keep in mind that we NEVER got together away from the facility and never went physical, etc. Also, she turned on me to a certain extent for several weeks before she changed jobs and got very cold, passive/aggressive, etc.

 

So, not only was there no precedent for seeing her anywhere but there, but also she had made me start to really not like her before going "out of sight"; also my (full-blown, extremely strong) limerence for her was fading and that had been such a mind-**** that it was a relief for it to not keep getting triggered as well.

 

So all those factors came into play.

 

I do still think of her occasionally, but it's very lightly; not anything like what it used to be.

[Bittersweetie]

I am a little confused...

So things ended earlier this year and you confessed to your husband. You said you were going to leave the job or AP was. Then what happened? Did you start the affair up again? Does your husband know this happened? Did you tell you husband that you were in contact with your AP again?

 

There is currently a lot of focus on AP right now, and I understand why, I've been there. But what steps are you taking to work on your marriage? You continued to engage with AP, continued the affair, and couldn't end your job until it was ended for you. So what actions ARE you doing to move forward?

 

I'm not trying to be harsh, but please take a look at YOURSELF. Not what AP is doing/thinking when he sees your car/etc. You have disrespected your marriage, your husband, and mainly yourself. Is that who you want to be?

 

I say this a lot but I think many MW become obsessed with AP, especially after the A ends or a dday, in order to not face their own actions toward themselves and their marriage. I know I did it, and I can see some of that here. Or else why would you be worried about AP seeing your car or whether he thinks you are "trying to be close to him." Unless you address the root problem---which is within you---you will make the same choices again and again, as has already happened.

 

Good luck.

[stillafool]

I agree. You need to direct your attention to your husband and family rather than focusing on if this guy is missing you or not. As a matter of fact to keep him out of your mind, you might try keeping his name out of your mouth and not talk about him. Pretend he is dead.

 

And to answer your question:

 

a) because this is the method I've always used to get over people. It usually takes 2 weeks.

[BaileyB]

I’m also wondering why you continue to focus on your affair partner. It seems like a very counter productive thing to do.

 

It’s not possible to drive a car if you are looking in the rear view mirror. If you have made the decision to end the affair, you need to focus on your family.