gwen uk Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Day 1 no contact. My choice but it hurts like a thousand shards of glass. We had a d-day - his side - a few months ago and limited contact since which has been slow torture and the main reason for me commencing nc. Meanwhile at home I am not happy. Husband and I have 2 children and I hate the way he talks to them. I’ve told him how much it means to me and it stops for a while then it starts again. Whilst I dislike it intensely I know they have a better and more stable life with both parents together. If it weren’t for them we would not be together anymore. I feel like I’ve cut all contact with my best friend and I am so very lost and lonely. No doubt I will now be barraged with messages about my selfishness. Maybe so but it doesn’t mean I’m not in pain. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Staying together for the children when you want to be with another man is not healthy. At present you are "alone" by choice. You have your kids. You have friends to talk to. End your marriage & go find a healthy relationship with a man you love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Staying together for the kids never works. The kids are not stupid and know that something is going on. They can feel the tension and lack of love between you two. Not healthy for them. Divorce and make everyone happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I’m sorry you are sad today. It will get getter. I agree with the other posters. Obviously, we don’t know your financial situation and things are complicated... but, if my mom stayed with my father when she was unhappy and he treated us badly, I doubt I would consider that to be in anyones best interest. I think I would rather live without my father than be treated badly everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I went back and reread your other thread Gwen to remember your story. It is good you have ended it. You have taken a positive step toward rebuilding your own personal integrity. Now the hard part: sticking to it. How do you do it? One minute, one hour, one day at a time. Each day of NC will clear your mind more, rebuild your strength slowly, and allow you to eventually face your issues with clarity and a healthy mind. You don't have to fix your whole life right now; get through the withdrawal from your AP, think about why you made the choices you did, then how you are going to make positive changes in your life moving forward. This road will not be easy or quick or painless, but it is worth it in the end, the ability to live honestly and authentically. Like I said in your other thread, you are at a pivot point in your life: what kind of person do you want to be moving forward? Think about it then start taking small steps toward that goal. You can do this. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I believe people in affairs use the staying for the kids as a copout. They really stay because they benefit from staying, not because it's a benefit for the kid. Were they truly looking for what's best for the kids affairs would never happen. I suspect that OP has more personal reasons that keeps her in the marriage. Fear of being alone, fear of struggling financially, shame of people knowing she damaged the relationship with her affair, feeling like a failure. I was divorced, I understand the fears. But I'm not buying the staying for the kids bit. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Kids aren't happy in an unhappy household. One thing divorce and a custody hearing would do is probably you could tell them about his parenting issues and both of you could be assigned to take a parenting class so that you're both on the same page, because otherwise, he's going to just do it however he wants when he has them. You'd be wise to get him and yourself into the same class through the court on the same page. He won't go unless they court tells him to. And you might learn some things yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I'm glad you came back to post. While the messages may have seemed harsh, you might begin to see some truth in them as the affair fog starts to dissipate. While your marriage may have issues, your H's temper being one of them, that's still not a valid justification to have an affair with a married man, and I'm sure you would admit that it has not improved anything about your life, it's made everything worse. What's your plan to move on from this in a positive way? Link to post Share on other sites
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