Why is my friend still talking to his daughter?

[MindyJJ]

My older friend's daughter is currently jailed for assault. Apparently the girl didn't like being asked who she's dating and where she's going and they argued. She's 19 years old.

 

She kicked her own father in the privates. What type of daughter does that? Yet, he still visited his daughter and is trying to seek help for her. Why? Isn't that enough to stop talking to his so called daughter.

 

That's one of the worst things someone can do to a man (not in self-defense), esp a father. Why is he still talking to that disgusting daughter? He was literally on the ground in pain for like about 15 mins or so.

[Mr. Lucky]

Why is he still talking to that disgusting daughter?

 

Because she's his daughter...

 

Mr. Lucky

[MindyJJ]

Because she's his daughter...

 

Mr. Lucky

I know but that was a serious attack. I'm not sure if I can ever forgive if my own child attack me in that manner.

[d0nnivain]

What difference does it make to you?

 

She's his daughter & he still loves her. That is all you need to know.

 

More people could use somebody in their corner even when they don't deserve it.

[Mr. Lucky]

I know but that was a serious attack. I'm not sure if I can ever forgive if my own child attack me in that manner.

 

My daughter is several months clean after a decade of drug addiction. While she was using, she stole my car and wrecked it, broke into our house and took money, sold a car for drugs I bought for her and told us she hated us and we were the reason for all her problems. And trust me, that's only a partial list.

 

While I certainly didn't like her very much, I never stopped loving her. It's not a switch a parent can turn off nor a supply that can be exhausted.

 

MindyJJ, do you have kids of your own?

 

Mr. Lucky

[MindyJJ]

MindyJJ, do you have kids of your own?

 

Mr. Lucky

Sorry to hear about the headaches your daughter gave you. Nope, I got no children yet.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I know but that was a serious attack. I'm not sure if I can ever forgive if my own child attack me in that manner.

 

 

Then it’s a good thing you aren’t this girl’s mother. You don’t know exactly what happened only the daughter does. People can change you know.

 

Apparently you missed out on the mother’s unconditional love thing.

 

I find your thread perplexing, and quite frankly none of your business.

[Wallysbears]

Because she’s his daughter and that love is unconditional.

[preraph]

Hey, that's his daughter. You have no notion of what being a parent entails emotionally, the investment of emotion, care, devotion, protection, of someone who is part of you. You don't just walk out on them. Not much he can do except press charges if he wants. She's not a minor anymore.

 

Also, my guess is there's her side that you're not seeing as well. Teens between say 16 and 20, that's a natural part of the adulting process, rejecting your parents and pulling away and not letting them tell you what to do. He may have hit her in the past, making her feel it was fair game.

[chillii]

You obviously don't have kids, and he's an older friend of yours , there's sooooo much you don't know or realize about being a parent or the depth of having a child.

He won't know what to do either, he probably felt like kicking her back and knows she needs a kick in the ass herself , but that doesn't mean that's the answer or something you would do.

This would be one of the hardest heartbreaking situations a parent could go through , you couldn't even imagine. He's trying his best right or wrong who can say , and anything he can , he knows how this could end and that is the last thing on this planet he wants for her.

[RecentChange]

It’s his daughter.

 

He raised her did he not? So where was the failure? Does she have untreated mental illness? Did he not set good boundaries during her formative years?

 

Why did he raise a daughter who is disrespectful and violent towards him?

 

There is usually more to the story.

Edited April 25, 2019 by RecentChange

[MindyJJ]

His story is sad:

He was in his early 20's when he became a father. His then gf (the girl's mother) got ran over by a drunk driver, dying instantly. His daughter was 2 years old at the time.

He admitted to spoiling her during her early years. Basically giving her all she asked for (toys, clothes, McDonalds, etc) but she started getting rebellious at the age of 15 and more difficult to handle.

Edited April 25, 2019 by MindyJJ

[basil67]

It sounds like he did the best he could with the tools he had. And as a parent, I too understand the unconditional love a parent gives a child.

 

I would also not be quick to blame a parent for their child's behaviour. While it is sometimes obvious how parenting can impact a child, I've seen just as many good parents who's child goes off the rails. Another friend used to be a teacher in juvie. I asked her about the parenting and she said the same thing.

[RecentChange]

Okay, so she had a difficult upbringing, wasn’t given good boundaries.

 

And now you think he should cut her out of his life because she has been acting out as a result of the way she was raised?

 

If you don’t teach a dog how to walk on a leash, are you then going to throw away that dog because it pulls on the leash?

 

And I agree, it’s not all the parents fault.... but neither is it all the child’s fault. It’s usually a mix

[preraph]

He should by no means cut off contact with her. What they should both do is get in family counseling together.

[Citizen Erased]

Going to take a wild guess that you don’t have children.

[Mr. Lucky]

Going to take a wild guess that you don’t have children.

 

Asked and answered...

 

Nope, I got no children yet.

 

Mr. Lucky

[Wallysbears]

The best thing you can do here is stay out of their business.

 

Be a good friend and offer support and tell him that it must be hard and you can't imagine what he is going through.

 

But do NOT bad mouth his daughter or try in any way to convince him not to help her. That is a surefire way to put a quick end to your friendship.

 

The love of a parent is basically unconditional. We may not like our children and decisions they make at times...but there is really nothing that they can do that will make us stop LOVING them.

[stillafool]

Because parents who love you will not leave you alone. Even if you want them to.

[Youngestdaughter]

I totally understand that you're angry for your friend, and you probably want to kick his daughter yourself. But normal parents do not stop talking to their children. In fact, I would go so far as to say one doesn't turn his back on family period. My mother is toxic. And her favorite subject is what a bad kid I was when I was growing up. But I still make my obligatory calls and visits. I have a nephew to whom I don't speak. But if he called me needing bail money or stranded on the side of the road, I'd be there. "Whatever else we are, it begins and ends with family"... George Bernard Shaw (I think, not positive who said it)

[bathtub-row]

Not only because she’s his daughter but he also probably believes that he had something to do with the way she is - and that is most likely true. A parent isn’t likely to give up on their child.

[2.50 a gallon]

I come from a hard nosed German family. In the 60's my dad's brother screwed over his wife, and left her to fend for herself her with 4 youngsters. My uncle was kicked out of the family. My aunt and family were always welcome to family events. My uncle was not.

My grandparents stopped by his place once over then next decade. Other than that the only other time he saw his mother was at her funeral. The same thing with my father. I vaguely heard that my uncle might have made attempts to reconnect with my father. It never happened.

So for me it is hard for me to understand the actions of my GF of 23 years.

When we first started dating the first thing you saw when you entered her place was a large photo of her and her two kids. A boy and a girl.

Alas her daughter is totally evil. Because of her lies, her brother, my GF's son committed suicide at about age 25.

Because of her lies, the state took away her granddaughter at age 11. My GF did not see her again until she turned 18

The grand daughter now has a small boy. My GF's great grand son.

The latest thing the daughter got mad at her live in BF and she begged her daughter and grand son to move in with her. I told them not to trust her.

Sure enough 2 months into getting a lease and moving into together, the daughter decides to move back in with her BF. Leaving the grand daughter and small grand son and screwed financially. So my GF help them out with money. Alas she is past retirement and needs that money for her meds. But goes without as she gives it all to the great grand son.

"He needs it more than I do"

GF is a little upset with me, as I will not allow her daughter to come to our place. In fact has been told if she enters our housing park she is to be arrested.