TooBad Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 I just have one question: Are you absoluty sure she is real and not just someone, maybe even a guy, getting off at this? From what I understand there's a facebook page, but no voice or videochat whatsoever? Have there been spontaneous pictures in the messaging? Anything at all that proofs she is flesh and blood? Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 fred123 for your own sake, I urge you to be less trusting. https://www.scamwatch.gov.au/types-of-scams/dating-romance https://www.police.nsw.gov.au/crime/frauds_and_scams/fraud_categories/dating_and_romance_scams https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_scam 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 ... when i tell her found tickets to come to her city to see her every time she says its better to wait first how the trip to london goes. If she likes me as much as she says she does and wants me to visit her then why doesn't she let me book flights and plan? Because she may take one look at you in person or spend a few hours in your company and go "Nah, no chemistry, let's just be friends" or "I don't even like this guy." If that happens then the last thing she would want is for you to show up in her city. BUT and it is a big BUT - this as the others have been telling you for weeks, has scam written all over it. Be very careful here. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 i asked her when is the right time to ask you to be my girlfriend. Not until you have Skyped / face timed AND met several times in real life. Never ask somebody you haven't met in real life & at least kissed to be your GF. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 Call it off. She won't Skype with you, hold a phone conversation with you, and she wants you to come and visit her when it's been nothing more than just conversation over the internet. She keeps putting you off. Even if it isn't a scam, it still isn't worth it. You would be better off meeting people IRL instead of the internet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 but still no skype or phone call. i even said 10mins before u go sleep il call u in bed but she always has excuses. shes booked her flights to london she told me and says shes so excited to see me and promises she will like me. but why she not excited to speak on skype or phone call? i am excited to do so. Because she is more than likely not who she says she is. You could be talking to a man, for all you know. Or a married woman. Or a teen. Or an elderly lady who is a bit lonely and looking for company. You're getting far too caught up in a fantasy that so far has no basis in reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 Has she given you date and arrival of her flight yet or sent you a pic of her ticket , if she really did it she should be so exited she might wanna do that.? Anyway yeah no sending flowers or booking anything or spending anything or gf stuff, none of any of that until she at least actually turns up , if ! And even if she does you gotta see how that goes first of all anyway. And 10mins before she goes to sleep is a terrible time to talk to someone for the first time even if she is real. l know how nice it is to feel all this stuff developing between you but man you gotta know who she even is first and if it's even real. Really, you've gotta just forget all the rest to protect yourself for now and try not to get your hopes up. When l saw the accident stuff l thought the money ask was coming with that but if it is scam they can also spend months building up a thing between you first too, getting your trust. Really , until she'll at least skypes a few times or steps of a plane, really for your own good, you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted May 22, 2019 Author Share Posted May 22, 2019 Has she given you date and arrival of her flight yet or sent you a pic of her ticket , if she really did it she should be so exited she might wanna do that.? Anyway yeah no sending flowers or booking anything or spending anything or gf stuff, none of any of that until she at least actually turns up , if ! And even if she does you gotta see how that goes first of all anyway. And 10mins before she goes to sleep is a terrible time to talk to someone for the first time even if she is real. l know how nice it is to feel all this stuff developing between you but man you gotta know who she even is first and if it's even real. Really, you've gotta just forget all the rest to protect yourself for now and try not to get your hopes up. When l saw the accident stuff l thought the money ask was coming with that but if it is scam they can also spend months building up a thing between you first too, getting your trust. Really , until she'll at least skypes a few times or steps of a plane, really for your own good, you know. we have had a 5 min convo a few weeks ago on the phone but was super hard to actually get to know her as she was in a festival so very loud. well yes surely i have to put pressure to want to meet cos thats what i want to do. i dont want to waste my time. also she is the one saying how she hopes i visit her when she moves to her one bed flat. shes the one saying how excited she wants to see me and if the weekend goes well i can fly over and stay longer with her. not sure what exactly im doing wrong? if the girl thought i was too much why is responding still in a postive manner saying all these things about wanting us to work etc? i have seen her tickets she is def coming. its not a catfish. i have been reading all threads on long distance and meets for first time, and people who have met for the first time they have stayed the the first nights together and not had a friend accompany them. is this the action of a girl who likes me and wants to sleep with me? am i wasting my time taking a 2 hour train from north england to london to visit her? also where would i stay? what about plans? im.not going to london and not spend the whole weekend with her. thats stupid no? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Your expectations are completely out of whack. You are thinking about meeting her & having sex & staying overnight after that 1st meeting. No. No. No. It's too much & you are going to be disappointed. You cannot assume that she's DTF immediately after meeting you. If you come in with that attitude she will know you are only after one thing. If that one thing is your goal, there are so many easier local ways to get it. Stop with the LDR girls. You need to assume that you are taking a 2 hour train ride, you are going to spend maybe 2 hours with her & her friend having a drink then you need to be prepared to leave. Your plans should be flexible enough that if she's all that & you two click that you have the option to stay but you have to expect & plan for that not to be the case. If you really want to hedge your bets you can bring a buddy & get your own hotel room in that town for the night. You & your buddy can meet her & her friend for a drink but then you have the option to walk away & hang with the buddy for the 2 of you to have an out of town adventure. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 You are basically expecting first date sex, from some girl you hardly know. She is bringing a "chaperone" for a good reason. She has I guess come to see London, not to spend her time servicing some guy off the internet... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 shes been saying how i make her happy and promises she will like me. but why she not excited to speak on skype or phone call? I would be less concerned about the lack of video call (which is a HUGE red flag) than I would be about her professing that you make her happy and she promises she will like you - she hasn’t met you! People don’t do that with people they have never never met before and with whom, they have no real relationship. HUGE red flag. You are way.... too trusting for your own good and it is going to cause you a lot of problems and you are going to be frequently taken advantage of/disappointed. Save your money Fred, cancel that dinner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 Fred, you do not want to waste your time but how much time have you invested up until now? It would be a waste of all that time to not go meet her with her coming this close to you!!! LDR can be hard, I've been there done that and it worked for me. There were lots of questions on is it all worth it? First time we met, she came to me, it was a little frightening for her coming from the other side of the world by herself. I had promised if she ever asked at anytime I would take her to her friends place a 4hr. drive away, that was her Plan B if it did not work out. We did visit Plan B for a few days but it was never used. 2 years and after all the paper work completed it was me traveling to her side of the world, I am still there 19 years later..... It is your choice to do your part of the meet up, you will never know if you do not make the effort..... Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 Great story gaauug. But yeah l agree you've put in this much time she showed you the ticket you may as well meet her if she does come why not. Take it from there , you might not even like each other or she might be a he or not come or god knows what but eh, if she does , see what happens, Keep us posted eh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 Fred, you do not want to waste your time but how much time have you invested up until now? It would be a waste of all that time to not go meet her with her coming this close to you!!! LDR can be hard, I've been there done that and it worked for me. There were lots of questions on is it all worth it? First time we met, she came to me, it was a little frightening for her coming from the other side of the world by herself. I had promised if she ever asked at anytime I would take her to her friends place a 4hr. drive away, that was her Plan B if it did not work out. We did visit Plan B for a few days but it was never used. 2 years and after all the paper work completed it was me traveling to her side of the world, I am still there 19 years later..... It is your choice to do your part of the meet up, you will never know if you do not make the effort..... firstly your girl came by herself. that is what my point i was saying. my girl came with a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 sorry i havnt been on here. this is the update to my thread. yes i did like the girl and we had chatted a lot on messenger texting etc. what has happened a few things. we were chatting on messenger and she was reassuring me about the fact that height doesnt matter to her ( she is taller than me) and age doesnt either ( she is younger than me) and was telling me how much she likes me and misses me and reassured me that "if i didnt like you i wouldnt want to come to london and see you etc" when i asked her when shall i ask her to be my girlfriend she replied " when it is the right time (cheeky smile)". i had booked a restuarnt, a nice romantic frnech one as she told me she likes french food and likes to be romanced and hopes i romance her. so if a girl tells you this what am i supposed to do?! she told me that we would have time just the two of us to do some things like dinner and clubbing and that her friend can meet her other friends. she said that maybe i could stay with her and her friend in the room but to keep it spontanoeus and then asked me what i thought. i said ok. anyways what happened after this was i added her freind who was coming to london with her on fb and sent her a message asking if the restaurant i had booked was fine and her thoughts as she knows her better than me. she replied that she thought it was too much. i replied again but never heard from her. anyways i then cancelled the restaurant and booked a more basic one. everything is goin ok atm. still havnt skyped her as she has no time apaprently and after a few days she stops replying. i hadnt heard from her in a few days. so i sent her a text saying " i thought you said you dont play with poeples feelings and play games. i think you are better off finding someone you really into clsoer to home. thanx i enojyed chatting with you" she replied " dont block me. i will explaoin everything in a bit. im just on my way to my grandmas" so i unblocked her and she sent me this " the reason i havnt written you much the last few days is because i wanted to make sure my feeling for you were real and they are. i want to visit you and i really like you and see you. what do you want?" i replied " i want the same and i want us to work. i have feelings for you too and want to visit you in your country and stay with you in your new flat. you want the same?" she replied " yes i want the same too. i cant wait to see you kiss kiss" so i bought tickets also to a nightclub for the three of us and booked a tour of london for the two of us too as a suprise. the last 10 days before she flew in things got weird ( if they werent weird already). she didnt talk to me as much. her replies were short and colder. i was trying to make convo as normal like how we used to talk. she told me her friends knew about me. she then started to get snappy and rude to me when i asked her how come we dont talk as much anymore and i was getting frustrated that we hadnt even skyped. i know she was moving out that weekend but still. anyways that weekend she was moving out i didnt hear from her once and then on the monday i sent a message sayign how it was and she replied. i suggested that we should skype before she flies in to talk about arrnagements and me picking her up from the airport etc and she said sure we have to do that. well we hardly talked that week also. ( literally it went from 50 messages a day at the start 2 months ago to like 1 message every 2 days). her nice sweet messages disappeared. well we ended up meeting and it didnt go well. she looked and acted like she wasnt interested in me in any way and when i spoke privately to her friend about what was going on and her thoughts about me, her friend said she only sees me as a friend. but she was just cold and distant towards me. dinner didnt happen and her wanting to dance with me in the club was bull****. what a F***** waste of time. im hurt i facnied her and really liked her. i got f***** over. when she returned home she didnt reply to any of my messages apart fomr saying she only ever thought of me as a friend and when she said she had feelings for me she meant it as a friend. so my fault? what did i do wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
lennyor Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 She may have confidence issues being on camera? I know I do! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 well we ended up meeting and it didnt go well. she looked and acted like she wasnt interested in me in any way and when i spoke privately to her friend about what was going on and her thoughts about me, her friend said she only sees me as a friend. but she was just cold and distant towards me. dinner didnt happen and her wanting to dance with me in the club was bull****. You had a first date in London with a girl from overseas off the internet. She was not impressed, there was no spark, she friend zoned you, in fact I would go further in saying she didn't really like you hence the coldness and distance. Relationships need to progress, she went from 50 messages a day to one every two days, BEFORE she even met you... Meeting her in London was a big mistake. She took a little trip to London with her friend as people do, you were of little importance and she made that clear long beforehand. You just weren't listening. Next time arrange a first date in your local Starbucks with a girl who actually shows some real interest in you. Put it down to experience... Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 You had a first date in London with a girl from overseas off the internet. She was not impressed, there was no spark, she friend zoned you, in fact I would go further in saying she didn't really like you hence the coldness and distance. Relationships need to progress, she went from 50 messages a day to one every two days, BEFORE she even met you... Meeting her in London was a big mistake. She took a little trip to London with her friend as people do, you were of little importance and she made that clear long beforehand. You just weren't listening. Next time arrange a first date in your local Starbucks with a girl who actually shows some real interest in you. Put it down to experience... thanx for the reply. yes i do understand you. a couple of questions tho. was it my looks she didnt find attractive? also its hard to arrange something like this when its a girl overseas. a friend told me that if you are meeting a girl for the first time after chatting for weeks and they live in another country she knows whats happening and what should happen. why else waste time?! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 a friend told me that if you are meeting a girl for the first time after chatting for weeks and they live in another country she knows whats happening and what should happen. why else waste time?! ...and what does that mean exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 so my fault? what did i do wrong? What you did wrong was ignore all the glaring warning signs that this was a bad idea and that she was just toying with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 ...and what does that mean exactly? when a girl and a guy are chatting online most days amd live in another country and want to meet she must know why the guy ia chatting to her wants to meet her no? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 Ok so she is obliged to give the guy sex... Um no... You assume too much. She is not an escort or a prostitute, unless she is advertising as such, she is a girl looking for a relationship. First date is first date. She didn't like you in that way on meeting you, in fact she had trouble even talking to you, so of course sex is not on offer. You need to change your expectations. Just because she comes from a different country does not mean she is up for sex on first meet... I guess she sensed your attitude and promptly shut you down... Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 Ok so she is obliged to give the guy sex... Um no... You assume too much. She is not an escort or a prostitute, unless she is advertising as such, she is a girl looking for a relationship. First date is first date. She didn't like you in that way on meeting you, in fact she had trouble even talking to you, so of course sex is not on offer. You need to change your expectations. Just because she comes from a different country does not mean she is up for sex on first meet... I guess she sensed your attitude and promptly shut you down... i didnt just imply sex. thats not what i meant. i meant romantic intentions on both parts 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 Any woman that's really INTERESTED in you won't play games, or make excuses. She'll make every last effort to stay in communication with you, and this clearly wasn't the case with this woman. Everyone who commented on this threat, myself included warned you over and over again and this is what happened. She wasn't nice at all. She saw an opportunity and she took it. You should have shown her the 'virtual' door since you never met her before until now and been done with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 11, 2019 Author Share Posted July 11, 2019 if i was more sexual and flirty with our conversations would that have avoided what happened? Link to post Share on other sites
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