My divorce is finally going to happen

[Trail Blazer]

I've been separated since December 2017. It's been a tumultuous time, with 2 kids involved and myself having found a new partner a few months after separation.

 

Nobody separates without there being issues. Communication has been a huge problem for many years. The divorce was something I've held off discussing until other things were in check.

 

2019 has been a rough year, until the last month or so. I have been trying to engage and interact with my ex in an effective manner for some time.

 

What's the saying... time heals all wounds? Maybe it's a bit from column a and a bit for column b. My ex has been more cooperative and also accepting of things lately. I think it's helped that my kids really like my girlfriend.

 

So, I had been waiting for a good time to bring up divorce. Easter went really well. My ex and I chatted for a good few hours at her house Easter Sunday, about the kids and just general stuff.

 

I decided to call her the other day and broach the topic of divorce. She had told me she'd been thinking about doing the same. She's a qualified laywer, so she knows how the process works inside out. I had done my own research, so it was good that we had an understanding.

 

We had agreed that no lawyers are needed. We had very few assests to divide, so adding any sort of complexity was just unnecessary. My ex has assured me she has no interest in trying to get alimony from me, or to try and screw me over in any way. She wants the kids to see two parents engaged in their best interests, not fighting with one another. What a relief! I just want the same...

 

Hopefully in the next few months I'll be a divorced man. I am relieved as I thought broaching the topic might be stoking the fire. However, as recent history has shown, my ex was extremely cooperative.

Edited April 27, 2019 by Trail Blazer

[Happy Lemming]

So your wife is an attorney and you are not??

 

When and if you decide on a final divorce decree, I think I would take it to my own independent 3rd party attorney to just read through it and make sure everything was OK (before signing it).

 

Just my two cents...

[FMW]

I agree with Happy Lemming - don't sign anything without consulting with an attorney. It's money well spent (and just having them review an already drafted agreement shouldn't cost much anyway). You want to make sure you completely understand the ramifications of what you are signing and that there are no loopholes.

 

The fact that it's taken this long for you both to agree to divorcing indicates to me the need to be careful about trusting that you understand where things stand with her.

[Happy Lemming]

It's money well spent (and just having them review an already drafted agreement shouldn't cost much anyway).

 

Many years ago, I was doing a rather complicated real estate transaction. I (as the seller) hired an attorney to do the paperwork. The buyer did not. A few months after the transaction the buyer tried to come back with some grievances. I printed the e-mail correspondence and took it to the original attorney that did the transaction. He told me to relax that I was covered, the buyer had no recourse and I had no liability. I slept a lot better that night.

 

The fees I paid to that attorney... best money I ever spent in my life.

[Mr. Lucky]

Hopefully in the next few months I'll be a divorced man.

 

Will this put any pressure on you to broach the subject of marriage with your GF?

 

I am relieved as I thought broaching the topic might be stoking the fire. However, as recent history has shown, my ex was extremely cooperative.

 

It's never over till it's over, but certainly nice to feel you're headed in the right direction. Assuming you observe the cautions outlined by other posters, should get you to a better place. Congrats...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Trail Blazer]

Will this put any pressure on you to broach the subject of marriage with your GF?

 

 

 

It's never over till it's over, but certainly nice to feel you're headed in the right direction. Assuming you observe the cautions outlined by other posters, should get you to a better place. Congrats...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Not at all. My current relationship is suffering as it stands. Who knows what the future holds. Hopefully the divorce will help things to move forward, but as it stands there's no prospects of marriage any time soon. It's the furthest thing from my mind.

[Trail Blazer]

So your wife is an attorney and you are not??

 

When and if you decide on a final divorce decree, I think I would take it to my own independent 3rd party attorney to just read through it and make sure everything was OK (before signing it).

 

Just my two cents...

My soon to be ex wife is a non-practising lawyer who worked many years for the IRS.

 

We are lodging a joint application. The documents are all available online. There's no provisions for her to pull the wool over my eyes and shaft me in any way. We will both need to appear before the judge as a formality only. If the documents were filed as a sole applicant and the other party wishes to contest, that's when I'd need a lawyer.

 

There is nothing my ex can take from me, and nor do I have anything I wish to take from her. Child support and child custody won't change. We split with very few assets after years of financial mismanagement - one of the primary reasons we separated.

 

If I smell a rat I will move hastily to stop it. However, the documents are very clear and transparent. They outline in plain English the provisions and purpose with which they serve. My ex has a lot of poor qualities; impulsivity, attention seeking, anger issues, somewhat narcissistic - but she's not stupid and nor am I; she knows that if she shafted me, she'll lose out in the end.

[Rotaglia]

Getting a divorce without an attorney is possible but not recommended. It's like buying a house without a realtor, only worse.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Getting a divorce without an attorney is possible but not recommended. It's like buying a house without a realtor, only worse.

 

Disagree. If both people are intelligent, reasonable and cooperative there's no reason to involve a third party.

 

(I had an attorney because my ex-H is none of those three things).

[Wallysbears]

As long as you are happy with how custody of your children is divided.

 

Legal and physical.

[Rotaglia]

Disagree. If both people are intelligent, reasonable and cooperative there's no reason to involve a third party.

I'm not saying one should always litigate a divorce (and mediation can work really well), but I personally would never divorce without legal advice—and I'm trying like heck right now to stay married if at all possible.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Trail, good to know things are working in the direction you were hoping they would. Hope everything works out amicably with your soon to be ex. I wanted to know whether she finally made it into the Police Force as she was hoping to? Is she also in a new relationship or does she plan on staying single? Best wishes.

[Trail Blazer]

Hi Trail, good to know things are working in the direction you were hoping they would. Hope everything works out amicably with your soon to be ex. I wanted to know whether she finally made it into the Police Force as she was hoping to? Is she also in a new relationship or does she plan on staying single? Best wishes.

Hello friend. Good to hear from you again. She hasn't yet joined the cops. She's still in the process of it. Many set backs, apparently. She's staying single and according to her doesn't want to find anyone.