AmyHershaw Posted April 27, 2019 Share Posted April 27, 2019 (edited) There's a guy I've been friends with for almost four years. Two years ago, he made the decision to move from England back to Canada where he was born to improve the relationship with his dad and be with other family members. Prior to his move, him and I dated for a little while and although I respected his decision to leave as he felt there weren't any opportunities for him over here, I was very upset. A few weeks after he left, I got into a relationship with someone whom I had been close friends with. A little while back, I ended it, because he had been emotionally abusive towards me. Throughout the time I was with my now ex partner, my friend who had moved to Canada talked to me over video chat almost every day. A couple of months ago, he came over to visit for a few weeks and in that time, we had a friends with benefits thing. He was aware that I was heartbroken after I broke up with my ex, because I loved him a lot and I have been finding moving on difficult, but he started saying that I never actually loved my ex and I only believed I loved him. The day before he left to go back to Canada, I broke down infront of him and told him I had missed having him around and I had feelings for him, to which he told me he liked me as well and we would probably be together but more serious if he wasn't going back. He has recently gotten a girlfriend and he boasted about her to me a lot, and at one point, he posted about something him and her had done sexually on a group chat I'm in with him, his friends and her. I was already upset about the comments he made about me and my ex, especially when he said he's right about everything and I will one day realise he was right when he said I only thought I loved my ex, so I had a go at him for it. The argument got heated, he removed me from the group chat and we didn't talk for a few days. Then I messaged him asking him if we could talk without quarell, but he said he wasn't ready to talk as he was still annoyed with me, which resulted in another argument and now we haven't spoken for almost three weeks. We still have each other on social media, we just haven't spoken and I miss him and think it was fatuous that we were arguing over my ex who isn't in my life anymore. It probably is taking me longer than it should to move on, but he meant a lot to me despite the way he treated me. I understand why my friend dislikes him, but I felt it wasn't his place to tell me what I feel. I don't know what to do. Edited April 27, 2019 by AmyHershaw Extra information Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 27, 2019 Share Posted April 27, 2019 I don't know what to do. One plus of getting into a romantic relationship with a friend is that you know a lot about them, theoretically removing a number of variables. You see how they treat other people, women included, how they conduct themselves and what their values seem to be. And yet, despite this advantage, you seem to be 0 for 2. The last guy was an emotional abuser, and this guy seems to be a pompous *ss. Might be time to question the qualities you look for in a partner. I'd let this guy go back to Canada and out of your life. You can do better than someone who'll cheat on his GF with you and then lecture you about it... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmyHershaw Posted April 27, 2019 Author Share Posted April 27, 2019 One plus of getting into a romantic relationship with a friend is that you know a lot about them, theoretically removing a number of variables. You see how they treat other people, women included, how they conduct themselves and what their values seem to be. And yet, despite this advantage, you seem to be 0 for 2. The last guy was an emotional abuser, and this guy seems to be a pompous *ss. Might be time to question the qualities you look for in a partner. I'd let this guy go back to Canada and out of your life. You can do better than someone who'll cheat on his GF with you and then lecture you about it... Mr. Lucky What you say is true and he (my Canadian friend) did treat me well during the time I was with him. I did think it was arrogant of him to tell me he's always right and I'll eventually admit to him he's right when I know he isn't. I tried explaining to him that the only person who knows what I feel is myself, but he wouldn't listen. Friends of mine and his suspect it's jealousy and bitterness that has resulted in him saying that, because he likes me and he has been jealous whenever I've started dating someone. He didn't cheat on his girlfriend with me, he was single when he came over to visit and he started seeing her about three weeks after he went back. Some friends of ours think he's doing it to move on, which isn't the correct way, but it was very rushed and he was talking to another woman on Tinder not long before. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 He didn't cheat on his girlfriend with me, he was single when he came over to visit and he started seeing her about three weeks after he went back. Some friends of ours think he's doing it to move on, which isn't the correct way, but it was very rushed and he was talking to another woman on Tinder not long before. I'll just observe you seem very vested in someone far away and too self-absorbed to really be a decent candidate for a relationship. Aren't there any decent guys in Rotherham? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmyHershaw Posted April 28, 2019 Author Share Posted April 28, 2019 I'll just observe you seem very vested in someone far away and too self-absorbed to really be a decent candidate for a relationship. Aren't there any decent guys in Rotherham? Mr. Lucky Can I ask why you think I'm too self-absorbed? Also, not that I know of, no. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 I think he meant the guy from Canada was self absorbed. I think the two of you have really bad timing, so you're either in or out. As far as him getting involved with another woman three weeks after being in a fwb situation with you is not him moving on too quickly, your arrangement was not an exclusive one by any stretch of the imagination. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 I think he meant the guy from Canada was self absorbed. Yep. OP, one might almost speculate you're unconsciously undermining your chances of romantic success by picking unavailable and poorly chosen partners... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 (edited) I am sorry this Canadian guy has proved to be so shallow. I know he meant a lot to you but he doesn't sound a nice guy. Just because a guy pays you attention does not mean he is fundamentally nice. He told you you never really loved your ex. How arrogant of him! What does he know about YOUR feelings? Honestly, do not listen to that rubbish; the guy is getting above himself, interpreting your feelings as if he knows them. He also commented about his girlfriend in a very public way on social media. Maybe she likes such personal comments (in which case they are ideally suited) but I think many women would find his comments distasteful and intrusive. He was happy to be FWB but he has a girlfriend back home. What does that say about his character? I would imagine you were rather hoping he fell for you instead. I am sorry but this guy does not appear to have the empathy and caring to really be what you need. He has a harsh, uncaring side - have you not noticed? He is not in love with you. I know you want this guy and want to be loved. It is right that you should want to be loved, but please recognise this guy for what he is and grieve but work to get him out of your head. He is not going to be the kind of guy you need, even if he was over here and did not have a girlfriend. Please look after yourself. You deserve a loving guy and there will be one out there looking for a girl like you, once you have got over the Canadian and started to look outwards again. Edited May 6, 2019 by spiderowl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmyHershaw Posted May 10, 2019 Author Share Posted May 10, 2019 I think he meant the guy from Canada was self absorbed. I think the two of you have really bad timing, so you're either in or out. As far as him getting involved with another woman three weeks after being in a fwb situation with you is not him moving on too quickly, your arrangement was not an exclusive one by any stretch of the imagination. Yeah, that's true. That is also true. It lasted a few days then about two or three days after she ghosted him, he told me he was talking to someone new and I suggested he take a break, because he keeps being ghosted or the women he gets into relationships with don't stay with him for long. I got fed up with him being in and out of relationships and being hurt and I suppose it's none of my business, although he tells me everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmyHershaw Posted May 10, 2019 Author Share Posted May 10, 2019 I am sorry this Canadian guy has proved to be so shallow. I know he meant a lot to you but he doesn't sound a nice guy. Just because a guy pays you attention does not mean he is fundamentally nice. He told you you never really loved your ex. How arrogant of him! What does he know about YOUR feelings? Honestly, do not listen to that rubbish; the guy is getting above himself, interpreting your feelings as if he knows them. He also commented about his girlfriend in a very public way on social media. Maybe she likes such personal comments (in which case they are ideally suited) but I think many women would find his comments distasteful and intrusive. He was happy to be FWB but he has a girlfriend back home. What does that say about his character? I would imagine you were rather hoping he fell for you instead. I am sorry but this guy does not appear to have the empathy and caring to really be what you need. He has a harsh, uncaring side - have you not noticed? He is not in love with you. I know you want this guy and want to be loved. It is right that you should want to be loved, but please recognise this guy for what he is and grieve but work to get him out of your head. He is not going to be the kind of guy you need, even if he was over here and did not have a girlfriend. Please look after yourself. You deserve a loving guy and there will be one out there looking for a girl like you, once you have got over the Canadian and started to look outwards again. I can't comprehend it, because he has never been this way with me before, it has only been recently he hasn't been nice to me. A friend of his' told me he has had a lot of personal issues occurring and to leave him to allow him some time to cool down. It's been a month since him and I fell out and when I tried talking to him a few weeks ago, he was agitated with me and said he was still too annoyed to talk. I agree, it was arrogant of him to make such a comment. I tried explaining to him that the only person who knows what I feel is myself, but he thinks he's right about everything and he knows me better than I know myself. I have no idea how his girlfriend felt about him doing that, I've gathered that they're no longer together, seeing as he's been sharing posts about being single on Facebook. He got into a relationship with her three weeks after we did the friends with benefits thing when he came over to visit, he was single at the time. Thank you, I'll try and look after myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted May 10, 2019 Share Posted May 10, 2019 It seems there are more women than men in most Canadian cities and/or town. so they aren't having a hard time finding a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
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