Why am I feeling more worthless the older I get?

[tonyp56]

First in a happy marriage, love and affection is great.

 

I'm a male and 42 now and for the last 1 1/2 years or so my sexual performance(ability to get and/or maintain erection) has been in the dumps. Feel that issue here (plus age) was doctor put me on TRT (that alone is a kick in my balls) this actually made things worse (sexual performance wasn't even the reason for trt, it was deminished but still could 3-4 times a week.) Anyways this started me down this road of no self worth, feeling worthless all the time or at least most. Also gym performance dropped (even after trt) and this just added.

 

I give everything I've got to please my wife, she is very thankful but since things don't work for me, I don't feel the connection with her (yes I'm male and feel connected with inter course) which makes me feel even worse. Thanks to trt my "sex drive" is almost as high as when I was a teen, but again can't do anything, so it just drives me insane, which again knocks me down yet more.

 

Finally, though I know it's a weakness to get anything from how others accept or reject you, I feel worthless/unwanted/ugly/etc. because honestly I get no attention from others. I don't want anyone but my wife but be nice to get a look once in awhile. (Also know women are better at this than men and be very hard to catch in my state of mind/catch on.) Anyway, communication is key and wife and I talk about this aspect too.

 

It just seems way I feel is getting worse, I try my best to snap out of it along with my wife being extremely supportive of me in all regards, but my brain just keeps going negative. When I was younger I could honestly control how I felt by using logic, but it simply don't work now for whatever reason. (It comes in cycles, not being negative/doing ok and then like a truck I feel hurt and worthless.). I want to change this state of mind for myself and even more so for my wife. I know "go to therapist" but for short term at the very least that's simply impossible ($ is short, yet another reason to feel this way). What can I do when I'm feeling this way?

[d0nnivain]

It's sounds very frustrating. You want to have sex but the equipment doesn't work the same. Can you take little blue pills while on TRT? Can you change the way you & your wife experiences each other, more oral & manual, more toys, things you can do together that don't absolutely require conventional sex on your part but will enable you to stay connected to her?

[snowcones]

Your self-worth is not found outside of yourself, but inside of yourself.

[preraph]

Well, you need to let your doctor know. Your desire is up but your function isn't, so that means you likely need to see a urologist and be sure there's nothing physical going on somewhere.

 

And for these self-esteem issues where you don't feel like you are anything unless you are getting looks and feel like having sex all the time, you should see a psychologist. No one should have their self-esteem tied to sex.

[FMW]

Definitely talk to your doctor about what you're experiencing and see what she/he suggests. Be completely open and honest like you were in your post. Unfortunately doctors don't always follow up with questions that deal with these side effects so you have to initiate the conversation.

 

Talk to your wife and let her know you're feeling the lack of bonding because of the issue and share physical intimacy as much as you can. I know it's not the same as actual intercourse, but hopefully it can alleviate some of the problem.

[mark clemson]

It's tangential to your main issues, but one thing that may help a bit is to find a social group centered on an activity you enjoy and participate with them. It won't help directly, but may be a buffer psychologically WRT some of the other issues. There are many ways to be of worth.

[Mr. Lucky]

What can I do when I'm feeling this way?

 

Not only are you narrowly defining success, you're waiting for someone to deliver worth to you like it was a Chinese take-out order. Your wife, others at the gym, women around you, according to you if only they'd do their part you'd feel better about yourself. As you've found out, doesn't work that way.

 

What do you contribute to the immediate world around you? Do you help, volunteer, mentor, assist, coach, contribute or motivate in some way? Were I you, that's where I'd start. Being of service does more than help others, it fills your bucket also. Something to think about...

 

Mr. Lucky

[tonyp56]

Ok. Thank you everyone for replies. However, nevermind and forget about it.

 

1st) I could care less about others at gym... What bothers me is my inability to go and when I do go I feel like crap/weak/unable to complete training etc...

 

2) guess to some I came off like all I care about is sex. Well went over a year where things did NOT work, I don't mean, I could only have sex 1 or 2 times a week, I mean 365.25 + days of not having sex with my wife because I had no feeling at all. Like I said on my post I did everything i could to please my wife during this time, without being able to feel anything physical myself! Now in last few months id say things are about 70-80% normal, but still struggle. Sorry if that got to me, if that made me feel worthless, guess I'm not as grand as others.

 

3) June 17 2017 is when I was put on TRT, things are better now, however, Dr (I changed Dr s because wasn't getting better.) Is finally getting things straight, only after almost 2 years. I am seen and doing blood work every flippen 3 months, since starter longest inwent was 4 months between labs and dr visits. Mood swings and feeling worthless comes in cycles.

 

4) like I said in my post I KNOW relying on anything external is a sign of something/weakness whatever. Also like I said, I can't go to therapist right now and what i was looking for was short term fix/advice on how to overcome these feelings so that I can give more to my wife. Like I said too we talk about everything, but thought I'd come here so not to make her feel badly or what ever because she can't help. And besides don't want to always be complaining.

 

Anyways. I'll figure it out on my own, don't know what I expected here.

[pepperbird]

I don't know a lot about testosterone replacement therapy, but I do know it's a really powerful hormone. Is it possible it is what's causing some of your psychological angst?

 

I would also suggest to you that you stop comparing yourself to others. Your wife obviously loves you and is attracted to you. If you feel a need for a self esteem boost, can you compare yourself to yourself?

 

 

My husband did that with weight loss. He tried really hard to lose weight, but felt really bad when he would compare his progress to others. He felt a lot better when he began to only track his own progress and stop comparing himself to others. He saw how he was making small but noticeable improvements, and it made a big difference.

 

 

Also, is it possible your issue is sort of feeding on itself? You feel bad, which makes the issue worse, which makes you feel worse and so on and so on. Do you think talking to a counselor who can help you break this pattern might be helpful to you?

 

I would also advise you to try and relax about this, if you can. The stress will just make it worse. It sounds like you have a lot to offer, so don't sell yourself short.

[Foxhall]

Make an appointment to go see a herbalist.

 

 

Buy a nutribullet and start drinking green smoothies,

 

 

take a spoon of maca powder and a half teaspoon of cayenne pepper daily.

[d0nnivain]

You are making sense. What you are going through would knock anybody's self esteem for a loop. Do you have a therapist you can talk to? I sincerely hope that the improvements you are now seeing help restore your confidence.

[Tristian]

Anyways. I'll figure it out on my own, don't know what I expected here.

 

 

With that we'll close this one up. Thanks everyone for your replies and advice.