Running on Empty

[ScoobyDoo19]

Been married quite a while. My wife and I get along pretty well. However, still feel very lonely at times. I have a few friends I talk to a bit. Never really feel complete. Is this normal? How do you feel fulfilled in life?

[chillii]

l had that feeling a lot when l was married .

For you , you gotta figure out what it is else you need l suppose and why your feeling this way.

[Mysterio]

Seems like from your speculation on your life. That you and your wife don't have deep conversations.

 

Sometimes. I don't think Marriage is a supposed to cure loneliness. I think joining some recreational activities might shake your mindset up. It may not be loneliness. It may be that you have too much time on your hands.

[FMW]

Our relationships with others are very important to a happy life, but our relationship with ourselves is just as important. Others can't fill every need we have.

 

Engage in hobbies and activities that make you happy and feel alive and excited - for you, not just as a way to interact with others.

 

I'm not sure how old you are, but the cliche of the mid-life crisis is true - it hits all of us and we start analyzing where we've been, where we are and where we're going. It can be uncomfortable but can also lead to important growth and gaining new joy out of life. You may just have to roll with it for a while.

[OatsAndHall]

Seems like from your speculation on your life. That you and your wife don't have deep conversations.

 

Sometimes. I don't think Marriage is a supposed to cure loneliness. I think joining some recreational activities might shake your mindset up. It may not be loneliness. It may be that you have too much time on your hands.

 

 

I agree, there's more to a fulfilling life than marriage. I suggest that a) you and your wife start finding new activities to enjoy together and b) find some hobbies/recreational activities for yourself.

 

 

 

I've often wondered how my dad and stepmom have kept things going for nearly 30 years but the secret of their success is simple; they have lives, friends and hobbies outside of the marriage. They still spend a great deal of time together but they both have healthy lives away from one another.

[snowcones]

New love and new sex should not be the only joy your find in life. I recommend that you work hard on finding other joys in life.

[preraph]

I recommend you go to pound and rescue two dogs.

[Foxhall]

as you mention loneliness, maybe you still need buddies,

 

 

I mean that you can meet for a beer, play a game of golf, watch football, whatever you American guys do,

 

 

lol, I like Americans, I know you like to talk,

 

 

do you want to climb mountains,

 

 

what are your passions, what goals do you want to achieve before you die,

 

 

If I married the Mexican girl I have mentioned here a few times, would that make me completely happy, I often dreamed I would win 1,000,000 on who wants to be a millionaire (I am good at quizzes-but think that show is over!)

would that make me happy,(not really what good is money without love or friends)

 

 

At the end of the day, If I have health, a loving partner and good friendships I think that would make me fulfilled,

 

 

your doing ok buddy.

Edited April 29, 2019 by Foxhall

[Happy Lemming]

Been married quite a while. However, still feel very lonely at times. Never really feel complete. Is this normal? How do you feel fulfilled in life?

 

Well, there's your problem (bolded part). You are not lonely, you are bored. Is your marriage fun?? Does she plan anything unique and exciting for you?? You don't feel complete because its the same routine day after day, waking up next to the same woman day after day, hearing the same blah-blah day after day.

 

Is this normal?? It depends what type of person you are... do you have the type of personality that puts down roots and stays put - like an old oak tree or are you like a Caribou that is nomadic... seeking new out new places and adventures?? The fact that you don't feel complete, I'm guessing you are more like the Caribou.

 

I had a very fulfilling youth by being nomadic. I never stayed in any one place too long. I never married. For me, variety is the spice of life. I played, had great adventures, dated A LOT of different women and really enjoyed myself.

 

That being said, I have retired and slowed down a little bit. I'm still not married, but in a long term relationship. I'm still traveling / adventuring a bit. I haven't decided if my present project home will be my "forever" retirement home, but I'm fixing it up with the idea that one day I will sell it and move again.

 

You only get one life, make it count.

[Foxhall]

when I was studying alternative health therapies, there was often mention of a book, mans search for meaning by Victor Frankl, as a good reference on this topic,

 

I have not read it now, I thought the storyline sounded too heavy in places, but perhaps there is some inspiration there

[caveman621]

As others have said, you don't give your age or duration of your marriage but, yeah, this happens.

 

I'm probably feeling close to what you are. When you get to a certain age aren't a lot of "built in" friend possibilities like there are in high school and college where you spend your days with lots of people your own age and some with similar interests. In adult life, we have work life and frequently make friends there. Then, when/if you change jobs they can fade.

 

I am very fulfilled in my marriage. My wife and I share activities and deep conversations. But your spouse should not be your ONLY friend. I do think that guys need (maybe not need, but at least enjoy) guy friends to hang out with. And once you've reached a certain age they are not that easy to find. I have a few of those, but wouldn't mind more of them and spending more time with them.