Youngest Child Leaving Not Doing Great

[Youngestdaughter]

First of all, I wanna say, if I were giving advice on this subject, I would tell the person that this was a new phase in her life she could focus on herself etc. And I am very fortunate that my job is also my passion: writing for the local newspaper. I'm involved in civic and charity work, have a good marriage, a nice home and two dogs.

But it all seems meaningless.

I was working on a book, but I thought, "I couldn't get the last one published, so why bother?"

And, on top of all my other unhappy emotions, I feel horribly guilty. I am blessed. I have friends who have lost children! And I never thought a woman's life was meaningless without children. I never even planned on having children. I married their father who had custody.

But I spent 14 years of my life raising them. And the the closer it gets to graduation, the nearer I find myself to the abyss. And I don't know how to keep from falling in.

Edited April 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Artdeco]

Oh, sweetie, you will do just fine!

 

First of all, your life seems to be so interesting, full of activities, and creativity (writing is awesome), and you are loved. You raised great stepchildren, and your bond must be so strong, which is why you feel sad that the last one is leaving the home. But you raised them to be independent, and your bond ist strong. That's a great accomplishment! Kudos to you.

 

Now you'll have more time to focus on your book. You must be a such creative mind, given your job and all, and as a writer you can be even more creative. Maybe you can turn that fear of yours, and that dull feeling of emptiness into something even more creative. I have heard many times that songwriters write their best music and lyrics when something traumatic happens to them. Not that I'm expecting or hoping that for you, but just turn your thinking around, and make lemonade from lemons!! How is your hubby coping? I am sure he is excited to get more "alone time" with you.

 

The children will miss you, too, believe me. You are a great stepmother, have been their rock for many years, and you will continue to be just that while they live elsewhere. They will still need you, call you, ask for advice (and money )......Don't be sad!

[anika99]

I definitely got depressed for awhile after my youngest left home. It was a sad time for me but I knew I had to set him free to fly. Took about a year for me to get my bearings and get comfortable on this new path but I did and now I so enjoy having my own place and life. It is as it should be. My sons are both independent men taking care of their own families now. I'm very proud of them and glad they don't have any weird attachments or neediness for me. Leaving me to live their own lives was right and healthy. Also it led to grandchildren which is pretty freaking awesome! I get the fun of being with little kids without the responsibility. Total win.

[Mr. Lucky]

But I spent 14 years of my life raising them. And the the closer it gets to graduation, the nearer I find myself to the abyss. And I don't know how to keep from falling in.

 

You certainly don't lose contact with them after they leave and, in this day and age, they have a tendency to bounce back home for stretches anyway.

 

I really enjoy "adult" relationships with each of my kids. They'll always be your child, but there's something rewarding on a different level watching them navigate life's victories and challenges. It's been fun getting to know them as people rather than as kids...

 

Mr. Lucky

[mrs rubble]

My youngest has recently left home too, I know how you feel!! Today I had to pick up my oldest son and take him to a medical procedure and drive him home again afterwards, on Friday my youngest also needs driving home from an eye clinic appointment, so I'm feeling needed again. I'm sure your stepchildren will still need you too in the future.

Keep writing that book! So what if the last one hasn't been published, the next one may be "The one" that kick starts your future as an author.

[Gaeta]

When my only child moved out of my home I cried all the way to her new apartment and cried all the way back. I didn't want to let go even if she was a big 22 at the time. I was afraid our closeness wouldn't be the same. What I didn't know back then is that our relationship would change yes but it would remain close and meaningful and so rewarding. My daughter is 31 now, we speak every day and she drops by 2 times a week, we go to brunch each month, we vacation together. It's different but as rewarding.

[noelle303]

If it helps you - I feel like my relationship with my parents has gotten even closer since I became an adult. We talk all the time, visit each other as often as we can, have coffees, lunches, dinners, take trips etc.

 

It's really not about the quantity of time you spend together, but the quality of it. And actually choosing to spend time together not because you have to due to the fact that you live together, but because you truly want to.