GF went back to ex last year during a break

[johnson2349]

Last year I started dating a girl in February. We were together almost daily until November. I have known her for 4 years, but timing was never right for us to be together.

 

During our relationship last year, I was newly divorced, and she was extremely needy. Which pushed me away. We never officially "broke up", but we stopped seeing each other in November. I wanted to see her still, but not every single night. She took this as major rejection.

 

During November, December, and January we saw each other a few times. It was always her initiating. But we were not "together"

 

Now during the end of January I reached out to her that we should try again. She agreed, and wants to be with me also. And we have been. Now for the bad part.

 

In February of this year I found out she was with her ex boyfriend in November, December, and January. However not in a relationship. He actually has a gf. She would just see him for sex. I got over it, and we remained together.

 

For the past couple weeks she has been very jealous of me, although I did nothing wrong. So I made the mistake of looking at her phone and this is what I found.

 

She actually reached out to her ex mid October of last year. So while I thought we were "together", she was already talking to him.

 

Secondly, she has always been very over the top with her compliments to me. I am the hottest guy on Earth. She will do anything for me. She thinks of me every day. Etc.

 

And when I read her emails to her ex, they were saying the exact same things!!!!

How hot he is. How intelligent. How much she loves sex with him. How she will do anything for him etc.

 

Her explanation is that I hurt her very badly when I know longer wanted her, so she contacted her ex.

 

The problem is that at this point, whenever she compliments me, I know she was saying the exact same things to another man. Not sure where to go from here.

[FMW]

If you can't trust her there's no future for the relationship. FWIW, I wouldn't trust her either.

 

You know she's needy and so she was probably reaching out to the ex while you were still together because she needed more attention. And she's over the top complimenting both of you to make sure and keep the attention - from both of you.

[johnson2349]

Yes. And after reading her emails to him, and looking at the dates, she would come over to my home to give me and my son Christmas gifts/ Valentine's Day, yet be telling this man how he is a god in bed. How she needs him. How she is so sorry for screwing up the relationship. How she was the luckiest women in the world etc.

 

I do not understand her. The following occurred last week.

 

She was extremely jealous that my accountant called me. That my neighbor texted me about her son who plays with my son and coordinating when he will be home. She found an old christmas card at my home from a female friend. Totally irrational jealousy.

 

Then she tells me that a man approached her while in line at the fast food place. A married man who complimented her purse. It was a 650 dollar NASA designer bag. This man said he has a daughter who likes space.

 

So she told me "I was hoping to see him again. I wanted his daughter to have my bag. So I saw him at the fast food place again. I emptied my bag and gave it to him to give to his daughter. He then asked for my address and number so she can send a thank you note". Which she gave to him. She never saw his daughter. His wife.

 

Now if I did anything like that she would go ballistic. Why is she giving away her favorite possessions to complete strange married men she just met? Along with contact info and address.

 

She claims she wanted to do something nice for his daughter. I told her he is married and his wife would not appreciate.

Edited April 28, 2019 by johnson2349

[preraph]

All that extreme complimenting is how she has learned to manipulate men. It's a big smokescreen for what she's going behind their backs. I am 66. I learned a long time ago that women who flatter men are often manipulators and unethical women. I mean, even you knew it sounded extreme. It works on many, many men though. They think she thinks they're the greatest. She's just not a very good person. Men are so hungry to be thought of as supermen that they are willing to believe this BS. It makes me wonder if she's ever been a sex worker, because they teach prostitutes/strippers to do that type of thing to get money out of guys. Pump them up. Flatter them. Tell them they deserve better than their wives, etc.

[johnson2349]

Yes. It now makes me see her differently now.

 

I mean the same exact compliments I have been hearing for years, are now given to another man immediately after we took a break.

 

Our cycle has been the following.

 

A. Things are good. See each other daily.

 

B. After about a week or so, she feels I don't kiss her "hello" with enough passion. I am not constantly touching her. I am not complimenting her enough. I don't treat her like a Gf. I don't text her back quickly enough or deep enough.

 

C. I tell her I am with her every night, and I can't sit next to her constantly as I have a home, business, things to do etc. I become irritated.

 

D. She then says it is ok. Maybe she is just feeling needy. And I am the most amazing man on earth and she will do anything for me.

 

But at this point I feel, if she feels I am not giving enough extreme attention, she will seek it elsewhere.

[DKT3]

This isnt complicated at all. Simply put, she is not a keeper. Her behavior towards you is all red flags, and the behavior of a woman who is in constant search of Male attention. One man will never be enough for her without some major change on her part.

 

For the record, I would bet every time she complains about what your not doing there is another man in orbit. I'm not saying she is having sex with them (although I bet she is) but she is seeking thier attention.

 

Easy solution, dump her. Your coming out of a divorce, you've barely known her for a years and she has been inappropriate with other men at least twice that you mentioned.

[BaileyB]

This really isn’t complicated at all...

 

She is the kind of person who can’t be alone. She enjoys male attention and she is going to find it wherever and from whomever she can... She is excessively demanding of your time, she lacks a certain maturity in relationships, and she has no boundaries.

 

You are the kind of guy who likes to money branch from one relationship to another.

 

There is absolutely nothing about this relationship that says it’s going to be a healthy, long term relationship for you. So, why drag it on... If she wants to pursue other relationships, you should allow her to do that as a single woman...

[johnson2349]

Is it just me, or was giving her purse to a married man, whom is a stranger, also innapropriate?

 

Like why? Along with her address and phone number. She told

Me about this as if it was totally normal. And the contact info was so his daughter can write her a thank you letter.

[d0nnivain]

She is very needy & unable to be alone. She will say anything to anybody to make sure she gets the attention she craves.

[BaileyB]

Is it just me, or was giving her purse to a married man, whom is a stranger, also innapropriate?

 

Like why? Along with her address and phone number. She told

Me about this as if it was totally normal. And the contact info was so his daughter can write her a thank you letter.

 

And I quote...

“Then she tells me that a man approached her while in line at the fast food place. A married man who complimented her purse. She told me "I was hoping to see him again.”

 

What she did was give this man her contact information. The answer is in what you posted - she wanted to see him again. And now... he has her number.

 

Yes, it was weird and inappropriate. I know no woman who would do that.

 

The bottom line - if trust, fidelity, and personal space are important to you in a relationship... this is not your girl.

Edited April 28, 2019 by BaileyB

[johnson2349]

And I quote...

“Then she tells me that a man approached her while in line at the fast food place. A married man who complimented her purse. She told me "I was hoping to see him again.”

 

What she did was give this man her contact information. The answer is in what you posted - she wanted to see him again. And now... he has her number.

 

Yes, it was weird and inappropriate. I know no woman who would do that.

 

I totally agree. Especially how jealous she is over me.

 

My question is why would she tell me the story? And it was like she literally could not understand why it bothered me. She said she "just wanted to do something nice for a little girl". And the contact info was so she could write a thank you letter....but she never met the little girl. Or the mom.

[BaileyB]

I totally agree. Especially how jealous she is over me.

 

My question is why would she tell me the story? And it was like she literally could not understand why it bothered me. She said she "just wanted to do something nice for a little girl". And the contact info was so she could write a thank you letter....but she never met the little girl. Or the mom.

 

If she really is that naive, it just shows how poor her personal boundaries are that she would give away a costly possession to a stranger. Some may call it generous, I would say she has poor boundaries.

 

Why would she tell you, who knows... the better question - why do you stay with her if you dislike her behavior so much?

[johnson2349]

If she really is that naive, it just shows how poor her personal boundaries are that she would give away a costly possession to a stranger. Some may call it generous, I would say she has poor boundaries.

 

Why would she tell you, who knows... the better question - why do you stay with her if you dislike her behavior so much?

 

I would say she has been there for me. She is selfless when it comes to me. She spends lots of time doing things for me. She is always there for her mom. And her sister. Works hard. Doesn't drink. Doesn't smoke.

 

And I told her the same about boundaries. How can this man go home and tell his wife "oh hey. This girl gave me her purse from the fast food place to give to our daughter. I started talking to her. "

 

So in a way I am trying to understand actions like that. And is she so naieve? was she attracted to him? Does she want his attention? Was it purely naieve?

[DKT3]

Her actions were to please him and open up possibilities. To what ends, only she knows.

 

Point is, why are you still involved with this woman? Her jealousy is NOT a good thing because its completely IRRATIONAL. Irrational jealousy often goes hand and hand with serial cheaters.

 

A needy people pleaser qualities that you just cant build a relationship on.

[johnson2349]

Her actions were to please him and open up possibilities. To what ends, only she knows.

 

Point is, why are you still involved with this woman? Her jealousy is NOT a good thing because its completely IRRATIONAL. Irrational jealousy often goes hand and hand with serial cheaters.

 

A needy people pleaser qualities that you just cant build a relationship on.

 

Exactly. She is a people pleaser.

 

For her job. Her family. Strangers. And me.

 

Part of it is good for me of course. But at the same time she tries to please everyone. And yes. The irrational jealousy is a red flag to me. Which is what led me to look at her phone.

 

I suppose I just discovered much of this info. Which led me to post. I am trying to piece things together.

[bachdude]

She is extremely jealous for you because she projects her own behavior onto others - she OBVIOUSLY has no boundaries and craves attention from men (I wouldn't trust her) so she assumes other women are doing the same to you and perhaps even you to other women.

 

Her duplicate fake compliments to you and her ex, the txts to her ex about sex while you were together (for this alone just drop her, bro), the bizarre incident with the man and her purse, her trying to make you jealous by saying she was hoping to see him again, and who knows what else, are enough of a picture that this gal is not a keeper. She's trouble and she will break your heart, besides being a high maintenance PITA.

[Marc878]

Dating is a tryout. Not every woman you meet is going to work out.

 

You really need to read the signs. If they're bad you cut it off.

 

You can't change or save everyone. Some people will always be drama and aren't good relationship material.

 

They don't have to be perfect but you do need to be mostly compatable

 

Learn to let them go. If not you'll waste your time and a good one might get away because you didn't have the time to explore.

[BaileyB]

I would say she has been there for me.

 

She is also there for other people, which is exactly your problem...

 

It goes without saying, but there are lots of women who would love to be “there for you” that won’t make you worry and wonder about who they are texting or giving their contact information in a fast food restaurant...

[BaileyB]

She is extremely jealous for you because she projects her own behavior onto others - she OBVIOUSLY has no boundaries and craves attention from men.

 

Possibly. But, it’s also a terribly insecure and immature thing to do - everything - the needing to spend every night together, jealousy, seeking male attention, lack of boundaries...

 

Women with any kind of self confidence and maturity just simply don’t do any of these things.

Edited April 28, 2019 by BaileyB

[Lotsgoingon]

During our relationship last year, I was newly divorced, and she was extremely needy. Which pushed me away. We never officially "broke up", but we stopped seeing each other in November. I wanted to see her still, but not every single night. She took this as major rejection.

 

The above is its own answer. Why are you resuming dating someone who had to see you everyday ... and when you didn't ... accused you of rejecting her?

 

It's totally expected that someone who needs to see a guy everyday ... will want to fill in all her time with a guy's attention. So her current behavior ... or behavior with her ex ... fits the neediness.

 

Dude, get out while you can easily do so. Unless this woman underwent a miraculous personality change, why would you dare resume a relationship with someone who had to see you every day? All the flirting and sex with the ex (even starting before you broke up) is just icing on the cake.

 

Get out! Yesterday ... and do some thinking about why you would put up with such a needy immature person? Don't you want to date an adult? That you are willing to put up with this kind of person says that you're about as needy as she is. But you're clearly more mature ... so trust your maturity and move on.

[johnson2349]

And I can't address any of this with her. It just leads to "you hate me. You won't forget. This is stressful"

[Poutrew]

And I can't address any of this with her. It just leads to "you hate me. You won't forget. This is stressful"

 

That's when you say, "No, I don't hate you but you are right that I can't forget, so to remove the stress from both our lives, I'm gone. Have a nice life..." Problem solved.

[mrs rubble]

She was having sex with her ex who has a gf!! Those actions alone show she has no respect for a monogamous relationship......run!! Unless you want to catch something, you can't rely on her to be faithful to you.

[kendahke]

And I can't address any of this with her. It just leads to "you hate me. You won't forget. This is stressful"

 

Then live with it.

[lolablue17]

I don't think that anything bizare or extremely inappropriate have happened.

 

BUT!! You nailed it yourself: She is needy, she needs constant validation, she needs attention. She is much weaker than you. She have already showen it. When your relationship started to bump, she immediatelly contact her Ex.

 

My experience signal me that this kind of character is essential and crucial. It's not a minor think. It's a major weakness she has, that you need to concider. It will not go away so fast, if ever.

 

It means that in your next fights, crisises, bumps, she will do the same. and more... Talking to her won't do any good because she can't help it. That's who she is. Don't throw your inability to take a decision. You should decide whether you want to deal and bear it or not. She may change when her confidence rises, but she my not and the chances are not very high for you in that matter.