Tim87 Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 There's often alot of articles online about various theories on how a man can win a woman's heart over. Well it works both ways. If a man has to work to win a woman's heart then women have to work to win a man's heart. Women don't come easy and neither do men. So if a woman is serious about winning a guy's heart what is she to do? I think the answer is simple. She has to give him a reason to believe that his life is going to be at least a little easier if he accepts a promotion to a boyfriend/committed relationship. Life is hard enough and overwhelming enough as it is. I'm certainly not looking to sign up for life to be harder than what it is now. A relationship should not make life harder. This is how a guy should be thinking. Is being with her going to make my life any easier or harder? What reason has she given me to believe I'm getting just a taste of heaven being with her? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 You are right; it is mutual. I think many people are so terrified of being perceived as clingy that they refrain from communicating the fact that they like the other person. You want to give a new SO reassurance, & part of that if making sure they understand what benefits they get out of having a relationship with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 Yeah, I don’t really want to be with someone because they think I’ll make their life easier. Better yes. But easier no. Frankly, in my opinion, it’s a lot easier being single, especially if you can hire people to help with the yard, housework, car maintenance, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 I'm with Veronica. Being around to make a man's life easier is not something I want to be chosen for. I'd much prefer to be chosen because he enjoys my company and I add a certain dynamic which he seeks more of. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 I'm another vote for not wanting a guy to want me because I will make his life easier. I'm not looking to be his mother or maid. But there do seem to be plenty of men looking to be taken care of and women willing to fill the position. Just as there are plenty of women who want to be taken care of (so I'm not man bashing). Winning someone's heart isn't a one size fits all proposition. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 The question I ask is is my life better with her or not and no that does not mean I need a mother or a maid. It means that I have partner in crime, a companion and a lover that I can put my full trust in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 I've no interest in a man who thinks it's my job to make his life easier. I've no interest in a man who is driven by the pursuit of easy living, period. Pretty much anyone who has a family to support and was not born into privilege can tell you that having a family requires a lot more work and material hardship and sacrifice than not. Any man looking for a relationship that makes his life easier, does not have his sights set beyond his own physical and material gratification. I would not want to win the heart of such a man. I'll take a man who understands that having the better things in life is worth working harder for. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 life is a challenge but so is love and i don't think being coupled makes it easier as different challenges come along being part of a couple... i believe to win a mans heart or a woman's heart you have to open your own heart and not expect life to be easier as a couple.....but be open to sharing all that life and love has to offer...good and bad..side by side....and to have some humour in there......with open honest hearts and minds.....that communicate every single day.....with warmth compassion and love....and humour...laughs go a long way to solving world peace....and tension and if people do that......there will be more love, more won over hearts and happy relationships in the world.........ps being able to cook a meal goes a long way to winning a mans heart over if you cook with passion...... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 Yeah, not sure about the whole "to make their life easier" thing. I know women don't want to think a man just wants them for sex and to do housework and men don't want to think you just want them to pay for dinner and do plumbing either. I'd be looking for someone who could and would basically handle all their own responsibilities and then I would do the same and that would make a stronger union. And honestly, here on LS lately, seems like the only way to a man's emotions is sex, according to a quite a few guys on here, so....all that other stuff is pretty much redundant, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 Sex is part of the picture. It's a major part but just a part. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 Life is simple... food and sex.... that's all it takes to win us over... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim87 Posted April 30, 2019 Author Share Posted April 30, 2019 I've no interest in a man who thinks it's my job to make his life easier. I've no interest in a man who is driven by the pursuit of easy living, period. Pretty much anyone who has a family to support and was not born into privilege can tell you that having a family requires a lot more work and material hardship and sacrifice than not. Any man looking for a relationship that makes his life easier, does not have his sights set beyond his own physical and material gratification. I would not want to win the heart of such a man. I'll take a man who understands that having the better things in life is worth working harder for. Well you are either making his life easier or harder. There is no neutral zone to this in relationships. I would hope that my girlfriend's life is a little easier for my being with her. If it's not then the only other option is being an extra stressor in her life. She either sees me as a stressor or as a breath of heavenly fresh air. There is no neutrality. I think this applies in other human relationships too not just in dating. When friends or family or coworkers or aquaintences think about me they either have positive or negative thoughts going through their mind. I'm either bringing some relief whether big or small in the lives of others or I'm an added stressor and burden and taking up space on this planet. If I'm not making someone else's life easier then quite frankly I have no reason to live. The world is either better or worse off for my presence here. So yes a relationship is a mutual effort to bring relief to one another in some way. If it is an added stressor then one or both of us is better off being single. Having said that what makes a person's life a little easier is subjective because everyone has different needs and is built differently. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 What is the purpose of a relationship if it doesn't make your life better? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rotaglia Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 Sex is a feature of most well functioning romantic relationships, but not an end unto itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 Frankly, in my opinion, it’s a lot easier being single... 100% Agree with you... It is easier and less expensive to be single, but if I want to have sex, I have to jump through the appropriate hoops, spend money on dates and entertain her with activities and witty conversation until I'm given the "green light". I've never dated a woman that made my life easier. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 If you don't have the intangibles then work on your body....Hard....:laugh: TFY Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 If relationship is a mutual effort to reduce stressors in their lives, I suggest they never get a mortgage, have children, go through job changes, renovate, move house, have someone close die. In other words, avoid the grown up stuff and stay living in their folk's basement. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 If relationship is a mutual effort to reduce stressors in their lives, I suggest they never get a mortgage, have children, go through job changes, renovate, move house, have someone close die. In other words, avoid the grown up stuff and stay living in their folk's basement. There is no way to avoid having any stress in life but in a relationship your life should be better with them in it than not and if not it is not worth it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 There is no way to avoid having any stress in life but in a relationship your life should be better with them in it than not and if not it is not worth it. Indeed. It's about the overall good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim87 Posted April 30, 2019 Author Share Posted April 30, 2019 If relationship is a mutual effort to reduce stressors in their lives, I suggest they never get a mortgage, have children, go through job changes, renovate, move house, have someone close die. In other words, avoid the grown up stuff and stay living in their folk's basement. Not everyone wants children. It does not mean they are avoiding grown up stuff if they choose not to have kids. I don't know why you included that in your examples. Not everyone takes out a mortgage. Some of us are quite happy to rent a trailer. Job changes are a matter of choice. If I like my job I'm keeping it. Having someone close die is about the only example beyond anyone's control since nobody knows whose turn it will be to die next. There is no promise that you nor I will be around tomorrow. That's all the more reason to avoid as much stress as we reasonably can. I never said a stress free life is possible but that does not mean we have to knowingly open the door to more stress than necessary. For the record I actually like where I am in my life. The only objective is to do what I need to do to keep it the way it is for as long as possible. If a woman comes along and expresses an interest in being a part of my life she has to give me a reason to believe she's not going to bring trouble and distress my way. I've got enough trouble to deal with already without the stress of relationship problems. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 (edited) Tim, I gave you examples of adulting. There are examples of adulting which I didn't include and not everyone will do all the examples I did give. As for your examples, job changes are not always matter of choice - you can lose your job due to illness. The business you work for can fail. The business can get sold and the new owner sacks everyone and brings in cheaper labor. A restructure can see the end of your job. And renting can bring stress....especially if you become ill or your job fails and you can't pay your rent. Or if the owner gives you notice and you've got nowhere else to go. And how does one pay their rent when they're old and have little income because they didn't progress above that dead end, stress free job they had? If you want to avoid stress as for as long as you can, that's great. Just don't try anything which involves taking on responsibility or personal progression. Edited April 30, 2019 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim87 Posted April 30, 2019 Author Share Posted April 30, 2019 (edited) Tim, I gave you examples of adulting. There are examples of adulting which I didn't include and not everyone will do all the examples I did give. As for your examples, job changes are not always matter of choice - you can lose your job due to illness. The business you work for can fail. The business can get sold and the new owner sacks everyone and brings in cheaper labor. A restructure can see the end of your job. And renting can bring stress....especially if you become ill or your job fails and you can't pay your rent. Or if the owner gives you notice and you've got nowhere else to go. And how does one pay their rent when they're old and have little income because they didn't progress above that dead end, stress free job they had? If you want to avoid stress as for as long as you can, that's great. Just don't try anything which involves taking on responsibility or personal progression. There was no reason to include children in your examples. Comparing having children to a job is apples and oranges. Everyone needs a job to survive but having children is not necessary to survive. Your example about paying rent in old age assumes everyone is going to live out a normal lifespan. Single people are more likely to die younger from something else because they don't have an obligation to fight and take care of their bodies. So the old age thing is moot. Edited April 30, 2019 by Tim87 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 (edited) Sure it goes both ways and if some women think it doesn't they're gonna be in for a nasty shock down the road guaranteed, But you have a pretty mechanical way of looking at a relationship though, life easier , no stresses , no complications , they do bring some of everything . But what you really get out of it is spending your life with someone that makes you happy , that hopefully you love and love being around , talking to and being with and sharing life with that supports you and has your back, a companion, lover, best friend, partner. lf you get that right it sure beats living life solo. Some ways life will be easier, but in some it will def' be harder and more complicated too. Even if you don't do any of that stuff, a relationship alone is far more complicated that flying solo. But eh , most of us like to think that hopefully it'll be well worth any troubles l guess. Edited April 30, 2019 by chillii 4 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 i agree with chilli good relationships are more effort but a good relationship so worth working at....deb..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 (edited) OP, it sounds like you're saying (howbeit in a sort of combative way ) that a relationship should be fun. With my most recent ex-GF, we both looked forward to spending time together because we had mutually shared hobbies and interests. She didn't add stress, she added joy and fun into my life. More fun that I had doing those activities alone. In another relationship, (years ago) the girl I was seeing and I had nothing in common but physical attraction. It was stressful to hang out with her and I didn't look forward to spending time with her. Even basic things like finding a movie to watch together was stressful because we had totally opposite preferences for movies and TV shows Edited April 30, 2019 by TheFinalWord 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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