How Do People Even Get A Girlfriend?

[GuitarGuy7]

I know that this seems like a really dumb question, but I really have no idea how people even get into romantic relationships, considering that I never even been in one before. All of my life, I have wanted to be able to have a dating life and a sex life but have been deprived of the opportunity of doing so. I'm 24 years old and i'm still a virgin with no end in sight to my dating woes.

 

And then there's the people who can find relationships so easily, I envy them so bad... I envy the pretty girls who can find boys with the snap of their fingers, I envy the men who never had a problem finding girls. I want to know what it's like to feel wanted, to feel loved by somebody. I have never felt wanted in my entire life...

 

I did everything that I could to escape the loneliness...

 

I tried joining clubs at my local college. I joined a film production club, an improv club, and even joined a church, just so I could meet people and meet girls. And although I have gotten some friends out of it, the majority of women there ignore me and arne't very receptive and I don't know why. The women who are nice to me either have boyfriends, or are not romantically or sexually attracted to me. I have asked out girls only to be ignored and for them to pursue other guys. Do you know how emotionally draining it is to do all of the pursuing and initiating conversation? It sucks, I wish I could be a hot girl and just sit back and let everybody pursue me.

 

I plan to ask out this one girl at my church knowing full well that there is a very high chance that she is going to say no. And when she says no, it will be very painful. But what choice do I have?

 

 

 

To all the people in relationships, all the people who have ever had a dating life, a sex life, any sort of romantic validation from the opposite sex, I envy you. I envy every single one of you. Iv'e never felt wanted in my life, iv'e never had the opportunity to have a dating life, and to be honest that's what I truly want.

Edited April 29, 2019 by GuitarGuy7

[preraph]

I see by your user name you may play guitar? Playing any type of gig will get you women. So if you play guitar, you need to get in a band of any type and just play wherever you can. Church, even.

[thefooloftheyear]

You don't "get" a girlfriend, you attract one....This aint Amazon...

 

TFY

[TheFinalWord]

Well, that's a loaded question. I'll give a few pointers. Not that I'm any expert...

 

The basic advice is that you have to have the type of life that is compatible with a girl. Similar hobbies, life philosophies, vision for life.

 

Some of it is just luck. You have to meet a girl that is mutually attracted to you, is single, and emotionally healthy (not hung up on an ex). Most attractive women are only single if they want to be, so you have to catch her at the right time.

 

Then you have to have the confidence to ask her out, and then when you get the date, you have to attract her enough that she wants to keep going on dates with you. The problem for most guys is asking women out. Those are the factors you can work on the most: looks maxing, game, and personality.

 

Also access to women. You can control some of this. A lot of the "luck" factors is a numbers game. If you ask out enough women, you'll probably meet one that is attracted to you (at least enough to give you a chance), single, and emotionally available. OLD is where you can get the most access, but it's a pretty difficult task to actually pull dates from OLD. Do you live in a big city/urban environment? I think that is another possible factor you may want to consider. Living in a larger city, you will have a lot more access to single women.

 

 

Once you've dated her enough, you can then ask for commitment. There's conflicting advice because most dating coaches say the woman should bring it up because she's slower to gain attraction and if you ask too soon, she will get scared and ghost you. I would say that you just have to take that one on a case by case basis.

Edited April 30, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[divegrl]

Hi!

 

My guy friend has a saying.... “ cast your net far and wide”. He asks out 100s of girls. He doesn’t care if they say no. He is only concerned with the one that says yes. He is average looking, average career..... but he always has a girlfriend.

 

On a side note I think he is amazing because he is my friend.

 

I would give the same advice to you. Just keep asking women out. Don’t worry about their response. One will say yes.

 

Have a beautiful day my friend!!!!!

[chillii]

You haven't said anything basic about yourself looks, personality and stuff , so it's a bit hard for people to figure out what the problem is.

Back at your age and earlier l just met gf's , my first one l was 15, she was my cousin haha. We were just crazy about each other.

l use to ride horses back then too and a lot of chicks ride horses so after her there was usually someone around l liked .

Can't effg believe they have dating coaches these days how sad is that but eh, maybe ib your case you should look one up because your def' doing something wrong and maybe that'll help show what it is.

 

ln all honesty though , there's not much to know, not much at all. It's about the most basic of human instincts , what could be more natural than a girl and a guy. When you meet someone you like and you click and she likes you back all you gotta do is hold her hand put an arm around her, cuddle or kiss her whatever but one way or nother she needs to know and feel your interest and if that goes ok it just naturally builds from there .

Of course sometimes ya read her actions wrong and she just likes you but not in that way,

That's ok , thats how it goes, nothing to be ashamed of and there's plenty more fish in the sea.

One common thing l notice with people having trouble is they take it to heart if he or she doesn''t feel the same and often seem to give up after that and hence get nowhere. but it happens to girls it happens to guys , just how it is, no pain no glory right , don't take it to heart it's just the natural scheme of things. Just move on and who knows the next one you like likes you back

Edited April 30, 2019 by chillii

[Curiousroxy86]

how to get a girlfriend

 

step 1. be confident. even if you dont feel it fake it till you make it. also look good and smell good

 

step 2. talk to girls thats not ugly to you online and offline. simple introduction. get to know her. have a conversation. try to make her laugh and smile. if she seems to be giving good feedback and responsive. ask for her number. rinse and repeat.

 

step 3. if you get a number or numbers. call the girl. if she dont pick up dont call again. she can return your call or tell you via text when she is free for you to call again. dont waste time on girls who dont respond, dont call back, or dont apologize for missing your call. if she is not returning your interest DO NOT chase her. pursue girls who return your interest. simple as that.

 

step 4. attempt to talk to multiple girls until one or a manageable few is reciprocating interest

 

step 5 the ones that reciprocate interest in responding to your calls, call back, text back...ask them out. reserve asking girls out that reciprocate your interest first.

 

step 6 go on the date and continue getting to know, be respectful, have good manners, try to make her laugh, and flirt with her. if she seems to be receptive and warm and flirt back then at the end of the night try to kiss her

 

step 7 if she kisses you then call the next day and ask her out again. rinse and repeat. get to know this girl. if she doesnt show any deal breaking red flags and you have been consistently talking and going on dates for at minimum a month at max 3 months then ask her to be your girlfriend.

 

at any point of time if she doesnt reciprocate your interest or says no to being your girlfriend or you maybe not feeling her then try someone else until one pans out. good luck.

[guest569]

Don't envy me. I was in the exact same position until 25. Now I've experienced all those things and am happily single again.

[Foxhall]

this approach will work well in a bar or nightclub environment,where you have just met and got talking,

 

it will also work well after a date or walk in the park,

 

when you are chatting a girl, building rapport, making her smile (hopefully)

 

you then pop the simple but classic line " Can I give you a kiss"

 

give it a go!!

 

"you have nothing to lose only your virginity"

[d0nnivain]

Have you ever read the books or watched the videos from the dating gurus & pick up artists? I think Corey Wayne is one of these guys. There are others. Somebody on LS recommends the 2% man or something like that.

 

Go review some of that stuff. You need to improve your social skills & confidence levels. Do NOT take anything these snake oil salesmen say as gospel. These guides should be followed as suggestions not some sort of script or recipe. Also do not pay for any of these so called coaches.

 

Do this before you ask out the woman at your church. Another tip might me to speak to the pastor to see if he had some insights into the lady in question.

[SevenCity]

you then pop the simple but classic line " Can I give you a kiss" give it a go!! "you have nothing to lose only your virginity"

 

Never, ever, ask a girl if you can kiss her. The majority will be completely turned off. It’s akin to asking a girl if you can have sex with her. Anyone do that??

 

Just go for the kiss and see how she reacts.

Edited May 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SevenCity]

Have you ever read the books or watched the videos from the dating gurus & pick up artists? I think Corey Wayne is one of these guys. There are others. Somebody on LS recommends the 2% man or something like that

 

Several guy posters recommend Corey Wayne. Check out his videos on YouTube. His material changed my life, and my gf has commented how awesome I am compared to any other guy she dated as a direct result of lessons I learned from him (which are similar to/evolved from Tony Robbins)

 

And I continue to be disappointed you poo poo material you have never read.

Edited May 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

And I continue to be disappointed you poo poo material you have never read.

 

I have read some of it but I have read enough of the other side of the coin drivel marketed to women to understand that it is only part of the equation, not the sole solution. I disparage people who advocate following these "coaches" like they are offering a script or a recipe. To the extent that people can review the materials & extrapolate concepts which help them to be more self confident I think the advice has value. It's just not something that should be followed like it's gospel. Especially since I -- as a woman -- advocated that the OP review this material, I don't think you can accuse me of being completely anti-coach. Like most things, used in moderation it's OK.

[mark clemson]

Yes, life certainly isn’t fair. You didn’t invent the game of attraction, but as a human being you are struck trying to play it the best you can.

 

People in general are visual creatures. Suggest that, as best you can, make yourself really attractive by doing the following:

- Get a nice haircut that makes you look good

- Maintain decent facial grooming (no stray hairs, e.g. too bushy eyebrows, ear or nose hairs)

- Work out/exercise so you have at least a decent body

- Wear nice clothes (but not too corporate-drone) that fit well and look good on you (get a female friend’s opinion if that helps)

- Many women are quite sensitive to body language; work on your body language, including posture, gestures, and the way you walk, to the point where you appear to be naturally and casually dominant in most social situations (ie, energetic but relaxed, confident, poised)

- Smile and be friendly

 

If you do the above right, women will be quite interested in you right off the bat. Being a nice guy will be a big bonus to all of this instead of a liability. You won’t come across as an emo-ish beta male, but instead as one of the nice guy alphas (and hence desirable for many women).

 

Become good at reading women’s body language to tell when they are interested in you. Then get good at “making a move”. The simplest form of this is, during an extended conversation, slowly going for a kiss and reading her reaction to ensure you have “permission” from her body language reaction before fully going through with it. Make sure you’ve already established good rapport with her before you do this.

 

 

Believe that if you do most of the above well, your days of feeling like “other guys always get the girl” will eventually be long gone and you’ll have the opposite problem of too many good options.

 

 

To seal the deal long term, become an impressive (and therefore desirable) man in general:

- Learn a lot and becoming generally knowledgeable (the internet is great for this)

- Get a good job that either pays well or has good stability/security

- Learn some specialized skills

- Develop genuine and interesting ambitions but have a relaxed attitude in normal social situations

- Develop good social connections

- Genuinely support one or more causes

[emeraldgreen]

You want it too much for starters, so ease up on the urgency/desperation.

 

"Getting" a girl is like making a sale in some ways. First, you have to have something the other person wants. All the spiel in the world won't sell you to a girl if you don't have qualities she admires in a man. She has to see a potential partner, not someone trying to fulfil a lifelong dream of not being lonely. Girls detect what you put out, so put out positivity, energy, masculinity etc.

 

With the girl at church, just don't go in and ask her out. Create a connection first. Dating is not like being the lady in the supermarket asking people if they want to try a new brand of "pigs in a blanket".

 

If the girl has hobbies, engage her in them. Ask for her help in something.

 

"Hey Jenny, I heard you like stargazing. Can you give me some advice on choosing telescope?".

"Sure, Johnny. I recommend this store".

"Oh cool. Wanna come with me when I pick something up?"

Then take her our for lunch afterwards for helping you out.

 

That approach is really simplistic, but you're not gonna go from virgin to PUA. You have to operate within your sphere of comfort while also working to get beyond it bit by bit.

 

We were all born virgins, so get that pressure out of your head and just start engaging with women.

[guest569]

While I love the advice "go read a book", nothing beats real social interactions. Yes a bit of reading and thought helps too.

[Foxhall]

Never, ever, ask a girl if you can kiss her. The majority will be completely turned off. It’s akin to asking a girl if you can have sex with her. Anyone do that??

 

Just go for the kiss and see how she reacts.

 

 

I am not going to get into a silly squabble with you on this, but to the OP do take my advice on board,

 

it is perfectly ok to ask for a kiss, do build rapport thou first!

 

I like Mark's post here actually, good advice.

[SevenCity]

I am not going to get into a silly squabble with you on this, but to the OP do take my advice on board,

 

I’m picturing a guy in a foreign accent saying “May I please be ok to give you the sex now?”

 

No need to squibble, if it’s worked for you, great. The women I date like a take charge guy, not one that asks for permission.

 

Your mileage may vary.

Edited May 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[JuneL]

I’m picturing a guy in a foreign accent saying “May I please be ok to give you the sex now?”

 

My best friend is the “take charge” wife in her marriage. Even she was turned off by her then bf asking if it’s okay to kiss her when they started dating. She told me she would have been okay if he just kissed her; but she was being put on the spot and ended up saying it’s too soon for a kiss :laugh:

Edited May 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[thefooloftheyear]

Social skills are way over rated...

 

TFY

[mark clemson]

You want it too much for starters, so ease up on the urgency/desperation.

 

 

This is a very good point. I hate to say this, but if there is neediness going on inside your head, generally you don't want it to show externally. Sincere interest is fine, just not neediness - sometimes that can be a fine line.

 

I think many women want "a guy who could have any woman he wants" to select her (because she is awesome - this is very validating to her).

 

You don't want to be "a guy any woman could have" chasing her out of neediness/desperation. I believe women, especially attractive women, get this a lot and for obvious reasons it irritates the F out of them. They'll want little to do with you.

 

To a certain extent you need to flip the script - you be awesome and show an appropriate level of interest. It's easier said than done, but certainly doable - plenty of men do exactly this.

Edited May 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Foxhall]

ah yes, we all may have slightly different approaches, but that there is definitely someone out there for us all is an important point,

 

I think I would swap with you and be 14 years younger again!!

 

 

casting one's net wider too perhaps, beyond your own country,or for other nationalities within your own country

 

there are some wonderful nationalities out there, Mexicans, Malaysians, Hungarians,

 

beautiful,spiritual,friendly, wonderful women who you would fall in love with in a heartbeat,

 

I dated an American briefly back in my early 20s , she was lovely too,wonder what she is doing now??

 

so to the OP, do not get downhearted about this, things will get better!

[chillii]

Social skills are way over rated...

 

TFY

 

 

 

 

l know , like most things they seem to bang on about.

 

90% of it never even crossed my mind when l'd meet women but never had any problems.

[chillii]

Just buy yourself a horse op , you'll meet more hotties than you can figure out what to do with.

And if ya can't ride even better , they'll be all over you teaching ya.

[The Outlaw]

You said that you plan to ask out a girl at church with a very high chance she'll say no, but you'll never know unless you try. If she says no, move on. Rejection is just a part of life, and while we don't like it, it happens. Keep trying.