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When and how, do you know that playful banter has crossed the line to disrespect?

 

I realize it can be subjective and depend on the individual and the situation, but there usually is a general rule of thumb.

 

Does it matter if the person it's directed at is male or female? Is there a difference in your opinion?

 

I'm curious about opinions and experiences on this.

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I think it's really hard to say. Some people are really sensitive while others are virtually impossible to offend. I would broadly say that if one crosses a line which they know the other is sensitive about, then it goes too far. For example, ribbing someone who struggles to find a partner about singledom or teasing someone who's overweight about their butt. As far as gender goes, I'd avoid using gender stereotypes.

 

My best advice is to match them but not outdo them.

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Eternal Sunshine

In an overall positive relationship, I take everything as a playful banter. If the relationship is strained, I can take almost anything as a malicious comment. As a general rule, I don't engage in a playful banter with people I even remotely dislike. I stick with being superficially polite

 

 

 

With strangers, I don't even attempt it unless they do it first.

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todreaminblue

banter normally when you notice the other person goes quiet and doesnt respond with banter return its gone too far....when banter turns from warm to combative in nature....when it becomes put downs after put downs.....when it becomes ridicule.....when you are having fun at another's expense....its disrespectful ...putting a person on show in front of others...is disrespectful....i feel personally that banter should be one on one ...because if its done publically...then you have a possibility with losing control of the banter.... and a person with not so good intentions who isnt on the inside track taking it dark.....and disrespectful....and when it becomes someone being laughed at again publically....that's ridicule....

 

i have had people want to banter with me.....and it doesnt work.....i have ptsd ...and i can be overly sensitive....i dont like being called names.....and i feel being called names or laughed at openly...isnt banter...it makes me feel like a kid again and i dont like that.....i have felt disrespected with banter and maybe the people had the very best intentions to begin with.....but....they didnt stop when i went quiet....and to me it was a trial to deal with.....

 

i feel to be mindful of others when communicating you need to notice how they are communicating with you is it equal banter...if they feel uncomfortable you arent respecting them if you continue........i feel most adults know when what they say or write or put out there...could or does hurt someone.....sorry.....is not a hard word to say if you truly care how someone feels.......if you feel banter has turned into disrespect..apologise with warmth and respect....

 

 

.my step dad told me i had to toughen up ......not be such a sook.....that i should fight back instead of stand there and take bullying..i wonder if i had taken his advice and fought back when he used to say "watch out fats domino is in the back"......... when our car bottomed out with the muffler in the drive way...as he would look at my younger sister waiting for her to laugh i would watch him grin thinking how funny he waS...... if i had fought back....would he have hit me ...i know the answer....if i had answered back ...he would have stopped the car and hit me....so i stayed quiet and took it....and my sister knowing no better would laugh....(she actually apologised to me as an adult realizing how much my step dads "banter"hurt me....) all through my childhood i would try to sit as close to the front seat as i could so the car wouldnt scrape concrete....and know what was coming.....i would stare out the window holding back my tears as that dreaded damn car would scrape concrete on our driveway..

 

which is my response with disrespect normally..i go quiet and my experiences in life....are pretty extreme...not knowing me....banter is a minefield...and i do try to have a thicker skin.......and why i write....if a person goes quiet with bantering....that person ...probably feels disrespected.....and uncomfortable...which is where and what disrespect does to a person.....makes them feel disrespected and less than they truly are..causes them to feel awkward and uncomfortable./..i try my hardest to never make anyone feel like this......banter can and often does go to that place if you dont know the person well........

 

disrespecting someones feelings with banter .....is quite easy to do ..if you dont know their life experiences.......i think you really have to know a person to banter with them ...because then you will know...when enough is enough.....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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CautiouslyOptimistic

Last night on Jeopardy that guy who keeps winning was asked what his total number/amount won from the night before meant in significance to him, because he planned it that way on purpose with his final wager. It was something like $12,108 and he said it signified his wedding date (i.e. (December 2, 2008).

 

Then he said, "And I've been dealing with the consequences of that decision ever since." Alex Trebeck asked if his wife was in the audience and he said, "Nope, so I can say whatever I want!" He said it in joking way, but it was disrespectful. Now, if he had said, "SHE has been dealing with the consequences of HER decision...." it would have been banter. Maybe that's what he meant to say??

Edited by CautiouslyOptimistic
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todreaminblue

im sorry op i feel i missed the mark with my earlier post ...i guess i feel a bit raw and banter to me was another word for bullying....sometimes people say they are playing and they are joking around and really they are not...playing or joking but out to wound......sorry again...im a bit confused lately.....with people and what they say and what they actually mean......deb

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Then he said, "And I've been dealing with the consequences of that decision ever since." Alex Trebeck asked if his wife was in the audience and he said, "Nope, so I can say whatever I want!" He said it in joking way, but it was disrespectful.

 

That's why this is such a slippery slope, because in my family, where sarcasm is a second language, that would be considered funny.

 

We were out to dinner with another couple who asked me how long we've been married. "It's been 10 wonderful years" was my reply. Puzzled looks all around, because they know our ages and the ages of our adult kids. So I said "Actually it's been 35 years - but 10 years were wonderful".

 

My wife laughed harder than anyone. Different strokes...

 

Mr. Lucky

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