Are we friends?

[Purple1234]

I have found myself in a very strange situation and I need objective advice. In December, I met someone online. We talked for over a month, every day. It took awhile to meet, mainly because he was in the process of finalizing his divorce. In fact, at one point, he freaked out, saying that it was too soon and he shouldn't have signed up for dating sites so soon. In February, we finally met. We had a great date. The next week we met up again. A few days later, he told me that he didn't feel anything for me but still wanted to be friends. I was hurt but really enjoyed hanging out with him so I agreed. Since then, we have hung out a few times. We still talk almost daily. We even have tickets to go to a concert together, which was his idea. All was going well, I thought.

 

Then, earlier this week he texted me to tell me he met someone and they were seeing each other. He wanted me to know before it was on Facebook he said. Well, now they're "Facebook official." I honestly didn't know how I felt about him. I suppose on some level I hoped we could go from friends to more. Now, I don't know what to do. I really do enjoy hanging out with him and having him as a friend. On the other hand, I am pretty hurt and jealous. Also, I have to wonder what she knows about me. How can she be okay with him hanging out with someone he just dated? Anyway, this whole situation has really confused me. I have backed off and only text him if he texts first. But, I still hear from him often. Monday, for example, he invited me to do something with him. What do I do? Are we friends??

[preraph]

He put you on notice that he has moved on.

[Purple1234]

I get that. But why do I still hear from him? Why does he want to make plans for the future? Should I be friends with him? What about her?

[The Outlaw]

I know it hurts, because I've been there before, but it's just too risky for you to do anything with him period. If he's seeing someone new, he shouldn't have even asked. It's easier said than done, but it's best to just move on.

[basil67]

Because he enjoys talking and chilling with you, just not in a romantic sense.

 

Should you be friends? Do whatever you're comfortable doing. If it gets too awkward, cut and run.

 

What about her? How she feels about it is up to her. She may tell him that she's not OK with the friendship. Or she may want to meet you and also be friends. Or anywhere in between.

[Purple1234]

Thanks! I am so torn. It wasn't until I found out he was dating someone that I even really realized I had feelings for him. Part of me worries that hanging out will only make it harder to get over. The other part worries that I will miss him and am giving up the potential of a good friend.

[MsJayne]

If you really like him I would stay friends with him, he sounds like a decent guy. I think when it comes to meeting guys online you've hit paydirt if you find one who isn't just using date sites as some sort of casual sex smorgasbord. You will get over your feelings for him soon enough, or he will get bored with his new woman, whatever, just hang in there and see what happens. You may meet your next partner through him, who knows?

[preraph]

You might meet someone through him or her. But you've got to get your head on straight about it. He leaned on you a little, but as soon as he was free, and this is how it always goes, he cut loose and began dating others. He was honest, so that's good, but he's not into you romantically.

[Purple1234]

Thanks everyone! We have hung out once since he started seeing her. He said she knows about me. He also thanked me for "being so cool" about everything. We are going to a concert in a few weeks. I guess we'll see where this goes.