Fair Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 It's like leaving a door open you once had locked. However, it doesn't necessarily mean he wants you knocking. I unblocked my ex just recently, but not because I want communication from him and don't think he'll ever try contacting me again, anyway. I did it out of pride, mostly. I didn't want to look like the bitter one, when on his end he didn't bother to block me.... maybe he didn't care enough to block me. Maybe he's still leaving a door open for me in case I want to contact him in the future. But for me... yeah. It was pride. I want to look like I couldn't care less and have the self possession not to feel I have to block him... which in truth, I do have... But I don't want him contacting me. I'm still angry at the way he treated me. It's probably a different reason for everyone. In his case maybe he unblocked you for a possible ego boost. DON"T message him. He'd likely lose even more respect for you and maybe even block you again. Consider this a game wherein he could be testing you to see if you still want him, but if he dumped you, he doesn't want you. He's just hoping you're pining over him. . If he was the dumper, he has to be the first one to make contact if there's ever going to be contact between you again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delayla83 Posted May 2, 2019 Author Share Posted May 2, 2019 Fair, no there is no way I’m making contact. And I also believe that there is a meaning behind unblocking. I just hope it’s not to see if I still want him (I would loose even more respect for him then) but a genuine regret for blocking in the first place and I will admit, that I am missed. I have learned that when a dumpee blocks, it’s from a place of pain and hurt. To be able to move on the dumpee has to block out the ex. And then the dumpee unblocks as a sign of letting go off the sadness and starting new. But the dumper doesn’t unblock for this reason because there was no pain to begin with and they did let go before they even dumped you. Link to post Share on other sites
TiredOfWondering Posted May 3, 2019 Share Posted May 3, 2019 This is classical and I’ve been there. I’m sure hi’s thinking about you. Maybe because hi miss you or maybe because he want’s validation. But DON’T reach out! He could block you again and that will hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 3, 2019 Share Posted May 3, 2019 After that night we had an argument, I gave her space for a week. Then I messaged her once, no reply. The following day I messaged her again, no reply. By now I was also getting annoyed with her attitude, so I decided I'd wait a couple days then call her to try talk it out. In my mind this was my final attempt at contacting her. She didn't answer, and then blocked me at that moment. I would've liked to still talk to, yes. We got along well, even if we were just friends after it was ok cos we only dated for a couple months. But the way she blocked me all because I tried to call her to talk to see what was up has left a bad taste. If, and that's a big if, she contacts me again I don't want to talk to her again. In your case where you were in a relationship, had an argument, she blocked you without having a proper breakup was wrong and inconsiderate. I agree she was wrong in your case. But, after someone has broken up with you they can block, never speak to you again or whatever they want to do to move on. They no longer owe you an open line into their life in case you want to contact them about something. They are perfectly allowed to move clear across the world without letting you know. Some people need to learn how to let go when someone breaks up with them. And, you are not supposed to know an ex is blocking you because you shouldn't be looking at their social media anyway if it's over. The key words here are "it's over". Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 3, 2019 Share Posted May 3, 2019 (edited) . A partner is one of the closesed persons you have in your life. You share so much, pain, joy.. By blocking someone you say ”get the **** out of my life, I want nothing to do with you”. How can you feel that it’s ok (of course you have the right to your opinion). When a person breaks up with you they are already saying "get the ****out of my life". What is it about that that you don't understand? I think that you should keep the line of communication open so that the ex feels that you do care as an ex partner, that the ex ment something to you and that they can get in touch with you if they would really need it for some cause. I think that a simple action like not blocking the ex can make the healing easier. Yes you do move on if you get blocked, but in a more painful and bitter way and you (in the beginning) doubt your worth. It isn't the exes job to help you get over the break up. That is totally on you. If the ex has moved on to another relationship (like you) they shouldn't be expecting or relying on anything from their ex. They shouldn't even know they are blocked because they are not supposed to be looking. They should rely on their new partner for their needs. Plus if the dumper has a new love, the new lover isn't going to want an old ex calling asking them for support or anything else. Nor should they unless kids are involved. If I had left the door open for my exes to contact me the damn phone would be ringing all day. No when it's over it's over so move on. Edited May 3, 2019 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 3, 2019 Share Posted May 3, 2019 My ex unblocked me after 5mths, talking late 40s here not kid stuff. I know why she did and we did start talking again for awhile too which is what she wanted. But although we broke up for different reasons to op, there was still no solution and she disappeared again. She's done it to help herself heal , l know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delayla83 Posted May 5, 2019 Author Share Posted May 5, 2019 Chilli, how did you feel about that? Regretted that you answered her or did it feel better for you also after? Stillafool, it’s interesting to discuss this with you so I will go further... it’s not black and white. If your ex is blowing up your phone, of course you should block. But if the ex hasn’t done this then it’s my opinion that it’s extremly cold to block right away (of you are not doing it because you need to heal and get distance). I mean if my ex’s havn’t done anything hurtful to me, I just fell out of love, then I view them as ”friends I don’t have any more contact with”. Because I agree that exes shouldn’t have any contact. But to have the mentality ”now got the **** out of my life” and cut all lines of communication is just disrespectful. How can you one day be together with someone and the next day pretend that they have died? And Stillafool, why would you unblock? If you are saying ”get the **** out of my life”, who are you to choose when the lines of communication can be open again? Isn’t that egoistic of you to open them when it pleases you? I would love to hear others opinion about this! What do you guys think about the dumper blocks the dumpee when the dumper isn’t hurt? And is it ever ”ok” to unblock? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted May 5, 2019 Share Posted May 5, 2019 I have an ex blocked on FB and had her number blocked for about a year. I saw her in passing at some point (though she didn't see me) and I didn't really feel anything, so I unblocked her number. I eventually kind of regretted it, because she did reach out, but it never lead to anything ultimately satisfying and kept me connected to her in a way I shouldn't be. In my case, it wasn't pettiness. I just didn't want to wonder IF I would hear from her, so I removed the possibility that I COULD hear from her. Blocking to you may seem like treating as though that person is dead, but in some ways, they are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 5, 2019 Share Posted May 5, 2019 (edited) Chilli, how did you feel about that? Regretted that you answered her or did it feel better for you also after? Stillafool, it’s interesting to discuss this with you so I will go further... it’s not black and white. If your ex is blowing up your phone, of course you should block. But if the ex hasn’t done this then it’s my opinion that it’s extremly cold to block right away (of you are not doing it because you need to heal and get distance). I mean if my ex’s havn’t done anything hurtful to me, I just fell out of love, then I view them as ”friends I don’t have any more contact with”. Because I agree that exes shouldn’t have any contact. But to have the mentality ”now got the **** out of my life” and cut all lines of communication is just disrespectful. How can you one day be together with someone and the next day pretend that they have died? And Stillafool, why would you unblock? If you are saying ”get the **** out of my life”, who are you to choose when the lines of communication can be open again? Isn’t that egoistic of you to open them when it pleases you? I would love to hear others opinion about this! What do you guys think about the dumper blocks the dumpee when the dumper isn’t hurt? And is it ever ”ok” to unblock? Everything Blanco said is true. I don't believe in being friends with recent exes as feelings are normally still raw. The people I know who have tried to remain friends ended up experiencing more pain and prolonging the inevitable. When it's over it's over there's no reason for contact or spying on an ex. That is why they are blocked to put them out of sight and out of mind. If I unblocked an ex it would be by accident or because I've had enough time to really get over them and possibly had heard that they moved on to a new relationship. But then again I'd probably still leave them blocked. Delaya did you need something from this ex when you broke up with him? Did you try to reach him for something and found out you were blocked? Is that why this bothers you so? Edited May 5, 2019 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 5, 2019 Share Posted May 5, 2019 I don't know how all the different social medias work, but I bet some of them get set back to default on occasion for some technical issue or something. I know when I've had to reset my cellphone, I get a flood of notifications, etc. I had turned off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted May 5, 2019 Share Posted May 5, 2019 (edited) Here's my opinion, and it's blunt I mean if my ex’s havn’t done anything hurtful to me, I just fell out of love, So, you don't see falling out of love as hurtful, but blocking is? To them, you dumping them up is extremely hurtful. In many cases, it can take months or years for a person to heal from a break-up. But to have the mentality ”now got the **** out of my life” and cut all lines of communication is just disrespectful. When you dump someone or tell someone you fell out of love, in a sense, you are telling them to get the **** out of your romantic life. If you as a romantic partner is the only way the person sees you, and especially if they didn't want to end things, then maybe you are okay with keeping them around, but on their end, they are probably hurting and maybe didn't see it coming. You aren't experiencing any emotional pain, but they are. How can you one day be together with someone and the next day pretend that they have died? The same way you "just feel out of love." I think your example under-appreciates how painful that can be to the dumpee. When you break up with someone, the person needs to do what they need to do to move on. If that's blocking, then more power to them. It takes time to re-wire your brain to uncouple from the person you were with romantically. If you are together on social media, and the dumpee is still in love, or wants to fix things, chances are they are going to keep looking at your social media and it keeps them stuck and they can't move on. The dumpee is likely going to see that open line of communication as hope that you will want them back. Heck, there's entire articles and videos about how to use social media to make your ex miss you. But usually someone did not want things to end and you have to allow them to do whatever they need to move forward after you "just fell out of love." Regarding the dumper blocking, it's usually because they want to get the last word in (immature) or they don't want you to contact them. They just want to end it and be done with it. Usually if it comes to that, the couple has been fighting and the relationship has been toxic for some time. They may have been the one to officially end things, but the dumpee probably saw it coming and in time would probably have done it themselves. A lot of times women use this tactic. They don't want to be the ones to do the actual breaking up, so they will pick fights to get under the guys skin to the point that he does the breaking up. Edited May 5, 2019 by TheFinalWord Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delayla83 Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 Blanco, I think it was right of you to block her. And yes, it sounds like you should have kept her blocked. Don't you think she reached out to you to make HERSELF feel better? As a dumpee i really think the best thing is to keep them blocked forever. I now feel nothing romantic when I think about my ex but I'm afraid it will change if he would reach out. When his friend mention me he never askes anything so I guess he doesnt care enough to do it thoughÂ… TheFinalWord, I'm agreeing with you. If you are hurt and need distance, block them everywhere. They wanted to end the relathionship and have moved on. It will not bother them anyway. I think that they couldn't care less to be honest. Stillafool, I was blindsided and he didn't want to talk about it. When i reached out to talk about it he was mean and blocked me afterwards. It left me in shock with many questions and a lot of hurt. He just blocked me and never looked back... That has made me resent him. And now he has unblocked me everywhere and therefore my question: why does he do it? What I wanted from him then (not now) was the fact that I could (even if I never would) talk to him if I wanted. Because I still loved him and that thought would had given me comfort. But now it was like he had died.. And it also made me feel like **** that he treated me like I was dead. Like what we had never meant anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delayla83 Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 Guys, the more I think about it, an ex blocking you can sometimes be a blessing in disguise.. In hindsight it was maybe the best.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mike Phelan Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 Mike, yes that is what I’m saying. Not everyone does that and if you do you are an ass/bitch. Because it is an extreme measure. It’s saying ”go f*** yourself”. If the other person cheated or did something as hurtful, then go ahead. I will support you on that one. But if not, you are extremly could and mean.. The break up was bad because he called me names and clamed I meant nothing to him. I didn’t do anything hurtful to him except telling him how bad he made me feel. Yeah totally that how I feel now, like what did I do so bad to make her say go **** yourself I don't want to know you ever again. Sounds like your ex was a dick too and couldn't handle the break up like a mature adult and went and did that blocking **** to try forget you. I think he maybe realized you were good to him and regrets his actions towards you so he's unblocked you and might talk to you again. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 What I wanted from him then (not now) was the fact that I could (even if I never would) talk to him if I wanted. Because I still loved him and that thought would had given me comfort. But now it was like he had died.. And it also made me feel like **** that he treated me like I was dead. Like what we had never meant anything. But this is unrealistic. Why would someone break up with someone and still have to be around to give you comfort? It is up to you to comfort yourself, get support from friends, family or therapist. The dumper is gone that is why they broke up with you. OP, does your bf know about this thread and that you have spent days talking about your ex. You are now in a new relationship and should be healed from you ex by now and shouldn't give a >>>>. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delayla83 Posted May 12, 2019 Author Share Posted May 12, 2019 Stillafool, I have now realized that him blocking me was a blessing. He did what I wasn’t strong enough to do. Allthough he did it out of petty reasons and wanted to hurt me as much as he could, in hindsight it was the best for me. Yes I shouldn’t give a **** why he unblocked but I still do. Isn’t that why some of us are here? Because we aren’t stupid enough to contact the ex to ask questions and therefore ask eachother? For me it is important to know why he unblocked. I’m not saying exes should have contact. Once the relationship is over you don’t bother the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 You care as you still have some hope that he unblocked you because he is sooo sorry, that he regrets his actions, that he is not happy with his life, that he wants to come back... At that point you can go "F*** you, you loser" or "I have missed you so much you darling man..." Your ego wants that control. BUT truth is it may not be that simple. He may just be clearing the decks and blocking you is unnecessary as he is not going to contact you anyway, he may now just want to be friends, he may think he can get some sex from you or he may be unblocking you so that you can see his forthcoming engagement... Who knows? NC is your best friend here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delayla83 Posted May 12, 2019 Author Share Posted May 12, 2019 Oh no, it’s not about my ego in that way. I’m not that kind of a person. I wouldn’t be glad to hear he’s miserable. But of course I would want to know if he regrets they way he treated me during the breakup... Yes I will keep NC. But I have to tell you, I don’t believe in the ”maybe he was cleaning his blocklist” reason. Now some might disagree with me, but I’m pretty sure that’s not something male dumpers do. Male dumpees yes, but not dumpers. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 You know this man, why do you think he unblocked you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delayla83 Posted May 12, 2019 Author Share Posted May 12, 2019 I don’t know if I’m right here, but I believe that you have to be a sociopath to not feel som kind of regret/feeling bad when you hurt your ex. You were a team with that person before... I also believe that some peoples pride can stop them from admitting they did something hurtful, so their way of easing themselfs from the guilt can be to simply unblock (which of course means nothing). I think it can be that or that my ex bf simply misses me in some kind of way. I’m 100 % sure he doesn’t want me back but you can still miss a person. Get nostalgic... BUT I don’t know. I might be too optimistic... The reason is maybe something worse like your examples. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 My ex-wife blocked me on social media quickly following our separation. She unblocked me on Facebook a few months ago (I was perusing by former stepson's FB page and saw a post from her). I didn't read into it; I just went in and blocker her. Done and done. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 I don’t know if I’m right here, but I believe that you have to be a sociopath to not feel som kind of regret/feeling bad when you hurt your ex. You were a team with that person before... I also believe that some peoples pride can stop them from admitting they did something hurtful, so their way of easing themselfs from the guilt can be to simply unblock (which of course means nothing). I think it can be that or that my ex bf simply misses me in some kind of way. I’m 100 % sure he doesn’t want me back but you can still miss a person. Get nostalgic... BUT I don’t know. I might be too optimistic... The reason is maybe something worse like your examples. I think the fact that you are hoping your ex misses you and this long thread talking about him shows that you are not over him. Does your current boyfriend know this? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 Stillafool, I was blindsided and he didn't want to talk about it. When i reached out to talk about it he was mean and blocked me afterwards. It left me in shock with many questions and a lot of hurt. He just blocked me and never looked back... That has made me resent him. And now he has unblocked me everywhere and therefore my question: why does he do it? What I wanted from him then (not now) was the fact that I could (even if I never would) talk to him if I wanted. Because I still loved him and that thought would had given me comfort. But now it was like he had died.. And it also made me feel like **** that he treated me like I was dead. Like what we had never meant anything. If someone dumped me and then blocked me afterwards I wouldn't care what they did I would want nothing else to do with them. I wouldn't know I was unblocked because that person would be dead to me. Gone, kaput! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delayla83 Posted May 12, 2019 Author Share Posted May 12, 2019 OatsandHall, you did the right thing. Stillafool, yes that is how it should be but I don’t know how to get to that total indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delayla83 Posted May 12, 2019 Author Share Posted May 12, 2019 I am wondering why he unblocked but that does not mean I have feelings for him and want him back. To you dumpees that have been blocked, it hurts but you will realize that it’s for the best. Believe me and never break NC. Link to post Share on other sites
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