Want to move but husband does not

[Happy Lemming]

So basically now told me he will never move out of state.

 

Are there any affordable options in your state?? Suburbs?? Handyman Special?? Homes being auctioned?? Foreclosures??

 

During my youth, I had a real hard time staying in one place too long. I've had to leave some promising relationships because of the nomadic gene in my DNA. I know I couldn't live in an apartment near my family. Way too intrusive!!

 

I think this issue may be irreconcilable. There may not be a "middle ground".

[starla33]

Are there any affordable options in your state?? Suburbs?? Handyman Special?? Homes being auctioned?? Foreclosures??

 

During my youth, I had a real hard time staying in one place too long. I've had to leave some promising relationships because of the nomadic gene in my DNA. I know I couldn't live in an apartment near my family. Way too intrusive!!

 

I think this issue may be irreconcilable. There may not be a "middle ground".

 

No, everything is over a million. And if you go too far out then there are no jobs for him so that would not work.

 

Yeah I'm really lost here. I want the option to move around and try new places. Don't have any kids so see no reason to be stuck here right now.

[Happy Lemming]

Yeah I'm really lost here. I want the option to move around and try new places. Don't have any kids so see no reason to be stuck here right now.

 

100% Agree!! With no kids, now is the time to play, move and have fun.

 

In my opinion, you can't just vacation somewhere to get a feel of an area, you have to live there and immerse yourself into the experience.

 

Moreover, there is something to be said for owning your own home and doing what you want, when you want to do it. I remember when I rented, it seemed the apartment complex management/owners were always invoking new rules. It felt like a prison. And you have to deal with family being within ear shot, I just couldn't live that way and don't know how you can cope/handle it.

 

Do you intend on "digging your heels in" on this subject??

[starla33]

100% Agree!! With no kids, now is the time to play, move and have fun.

 

In my opinion, you can't just vacation somewhere to get a feel of an area, you have to live there and immerse yourself into the experience.

 

Moreover, there is something to be said for owning your own home and doing what you want, when you want to do it. I remember when I rented, it seemed the apartment complex management/owners were always invoking new rules. It felt like a prison. And you have to deal with family being within ear shot, I just couldn't live that way and don't know how you can cope/handle it.

 

Do you intend on "digging your heels in" on this subject??

 

I'm honestly not sure really if he doesn't come around I really need to do some thinking. I really don't get the point in being stuck in one of the most snooty and expensive cities in the world forever that i completely hate

[Happy Lemming]

You only get one life...

 

I have made mistakes, but have no regrets.

 

I know that I couldn't live somewhere that I "completely hate"!

[preraph]

Well, just keep not having kids, decide if that is something you want in the future, decide if it's something you need to be with him for or another man and how important that is, what age you are, etc.

 

I am all for following your own path. This is his path, living right by his parents. Ugh. I think most people would agree that is not a healthy thing.

 

You could move anywhere you wanted to. I can do my work anywhere too, but no everywhere has TexMex food unfortunately!

[alphamale]

I can do my work anywhere too, but no everywhere has TexMex food unfortunately!

 

there are taco bells all over preraph

[starla33]

Well, just keep not having kids, decide if that is something you want in the future, decide if it's something you need to be with him for or another man and how important that is, what age you are, etc.

 

I am all for following your own path. This is his path, living right by his parents. Ugh. I think most people would agree that is not a healthy thing.

 

You could move anywhere you wanted to. I can do my work anywhere too, but no everywhere has TexMex food unfortunately!

 

It's my parents actually that are in the same building, however his are not too far away. As mentioned we are almost 40 so I don't think I will be having any kids at this point. However being trapped in one place for the rest of my life because I'm married to someone that is not flexible to try out other areas of the country or even another country sounds like a prison.

[divegrl]

Maybe start a gratitude journal....be thankful for everything in your life that you have right now.

 

Have a beautiful day my friend!

[starla33]

Maybe start a gratitude journal....be thankful for everything in your life that you have right now.

 

Have a beautiful day my friend!

 

Thanks for the advice, but this in no way will make me like where I live for the rest of my life

[Happy Lemming]

If you weren't married, where would be the first place you would move to??

 

Do you like a warmer climate?? Beach area?? Mountain area?? Desert??

 

What would be your first new location??

[starla33]

I already had a city in mind that had everything from jobs (although way less than here) to nature, to amazing summers. It's somewhere I wanted to try living for quite a few years, but never had a remote type of job until I was already married so it was not previously an option.

[preraph]

there are taco bells all over preraph

 

Just not the same, tho.

[preraph]

It's my parents actually that are in the same building, however his are not too far away. As mentioned we are almost 40 so I don't think I will be having any kids at this point. However being trapped in one place for the rest of my life because I'm married to someone that is not flexible to try out other areas of the country or even another country sounds like a prison.

 

I know you're there because they cut you a break on the rent, but if you don't even want to be in that city, I get it.

[Happy Lemming]

I already had a city in mind that had everything from jobs (although way less than here) to nature, to amazing summers.

 

Start planning your move. Contact a job recruiter for that area and get information on jobs. Do some research on month to month apartments (no long term leases). Figure out what you want to take with you and how big a U-haul you will need. For years, I owned just enough stuff to fill a 5' X 8' u-haul trailer that my truck could pull, nothing more.

 

You have no kids and there is nothing stopping you from going. Tell your husband he is welcome to join you or he can stay behind. You can stay married or do a temporary separation. See how you feel after 6 months... Your husband can decide what is more important, you or his precious location.

 

You can't live where you feel like you are in a prison.

 

As stated before, you only get one life. Have fun with it, live with no regrets.

[FMW]

You have to decide what is more important to you, staying married or pursuing your vision of how you want your life to be.

 

Is this the only issue in your marriage? I'm guessing it's not. Do some soul searching and be honest with yourself.

[spiderowl]

It sounds like you have tried talking to him and he is just gets annoyed. Yes, these things can be dealbreakers. Are his objections reasonable? Is he likely to be able to get a different job? Are you being realistic? If you think you are realistic and he is just not moving in the same direction as you, then you need to think about whether you want to be with him enough to possibly give up your dream of moving.

 

I do think that you ought to make it clear though that you want to move and it is very important to you. Make sure he knows that you feel he is not taking your feelings into consideration and that this is serious. He cannot then later claim he didn't know how important it was to you. This could mean the end of your marriage. Obviously, you will have to think hard beforehand whether it means that much to you.