AngelLove Posted May 3, 2019 Share Posted May 3, 2019 My parents divorced when we were little. And my dad eventually left the country and imigrated to in the US with our step mom. My mom stayed back home in Colombia. Sadly she passed away few years later. I was 18 when she died but I didn't start grieving until I was an adult on and off. I'm now in 30's and I want to visit her resting place . will that help? I know she's gone but will seeing where she was buried help? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 3, 2019 Share Posted May 3, 2019 I think it would do more for you to see where she lived, if not the particular building, at least the neighborhood and understand more about her. And visit her grave, but that is not her life; that is her resting place. Visit where she was and some relatives she'd have known and friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 3, 2019 Share Posted May 3, 2019 What level of contact did you have with your mother after moving to the States? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 3, 2019 Share Posted May 3, 2019 If its something you wish to do, it's something you wish to do. I would say go if it feels important to you. Let the experience be what it is without hoping for it to be something (closure) it might or might not be. Travel with caution if you don't know this country well or there is turmoil there (or wait a while for stability to return). Who knows what things you might encounter serendipitously on a trip like this. Maybe nothing, maybe great discoveries. One never knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelLove Posted May 4, 2019 Author Share Posted May 4, 2019 What level of contact did you have with your mother after moving to the States? We communicated with letters. This was back in 2003. I was still living at home and financially depended on my Dad. My communication with my mom was through him. I got caught up with life and stopping writting as much. to which i regret now. Sadly she got sick and died at young age. I tried calling home to speak to her after months only to be told she passed away. I feel like i never got that closure and i have a lot of guilt and regret for not making an effort to maintain contact with her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelLove Posted May 4, 2019 Author Share Posted May 4, 2019 I think it would do more for you to see where she lived, if not the particular building, at least the neighborhood and understand more about her. And visit her grave, but that is not her life; that is her resting place. Visit where she was and some relatives she'd have known and friends. My sister and I reconnected with her brothers and sisters back home. And her mom, my grandmother would love to see us Link to post Share on other sites
Dandelioness Posted May 4, 2019 Share Posted May 4, 2019 Write her a letter now. Explain how you feel, your regrets, and your pain. Acknowledge what she may have felt and been through. Tell her what she meant to you then, how the separation made you feel, and what she means to you now. Put your whole heart into it. Cry. Scream. Do whatever you're compelled to do in that moment .. but don't suppress those feelings. Then, discard it. A nice family visit will do you some good! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 My sister and I reconnected with her brothers and sisters back home. And her mom, my grandmother would love to see us Don't hold on to regret that you feel you did not write her enough. Visiting her resting place will not fix that feeling for you, but you can - by no longer feeling guilty. Visiting your grandmother and other relatives is a great idea (when it is safe to visit!) Though your mother is gone, perhaps having a relationship with your grandmother and other relatives will help ease that pain and guilt for you and it's always good to have that connection to your family history. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 We communicated with letters. This was back in 2003. I was still living at home and financially depended on my Dad. My communication with my mom was through him. I got caught up with life and stopping writting as much. to which i regret now. Sadly she got sick and died at young age. I tried calling home to speak to her after months only to be told she passed away. I feel like i never got that closure and i have a lot of guilt and regret for not making an effort to maintain contact with her Perhaps keeping in touch with her side of the family (especially your maternal grandma) is a better way to connect with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelLove Posted May 8, 2019 Author Share Posted May 8, 2019 Thank you guys for your support...We were young, things certainly were not under our control. My sister and I didn't have phones. This was back in 2003 where didn't have accesses to fast advanced technology we have today. After reconnecting with my uncles years later through Face book, we where told that mom desperately tried in her last days and she died worried about us. she knew she was dying and written a letter moths prior to my dad and provided a number where she was staying for us to call and talk to her. My dad didn't buy a long distance until my step mom told him to. But by that time it was too late. That's when i found out she had passed away. I didn't cry or felt any emotions for years As I matured , I started looking back and realizing what I was too young to realize then, The grieve starting hitting me into adulthood on and off. I would feel better for while and seem to be doing fine then it comes back again. Now that I'm in my mid 30's, I find myself grieving more now than when I was younger. I'm starting to experience grief more intensely when it’s been years since my loss. Rather than feeling I'm getting “better”, I find that i'm crying more, looking at her pictures makes me feel sad, missing her, wishing if she was here, wondering what would be like if she was still alive, how happy she would have been to see her all her children all grow up. I"m hoping visiting the family and her resting place will bring me peace 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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