Finding dates at work professionally.

[Eugeleh]

I know this is a hot button topic so I'm ready for all the unfavorable responses

 

 

I've tried to be nice, gentlemanly, professional, well dressed, as attractive as I can be, and not sleazy as in refraining from asking out every other woman I see at work (or be seen making women uncomfortable at work).

 

As someone in a line of work related to yours I'll repeat what I was told more than 2 decades ago and still believe to be true, which is, "Don't sh*t where you work."

[nospam99]

I do know that country music and football and horses get these ladies really truly happy, but I can’t bring myself to be genuinely interested in these things.

 

Hmmm. Country music and your interest in social dancing. I vote swing/lindy.

 

However for any guy or gal (focusing on guys cuz you and me are included) never discount the four superficial deal-breakers: weight, height, age, and beauty/handsomeness. Oops, being white, I tend to forget the fifth superficial deal-breaker: race.

[JuneL]

I never willingly share my accomplishments unless asked.

 

Garcon,

 

I have been following enough threads of yours to “know” that you are probably quite eager to show off your list of accomplishments on paper. Can you not share with your buddies about your excitement over something you have just learned? They at least know how you are like and know you’re not trying to brag.

 

Also, you mentioned a few times in other threads that you’ll do whatever it takes to achieve your goals. If you really want to meet a girlfriend in Mississippi, what’s wrong with picking up one of those 3 common interests that excite them (though, I thought the medical students in your hospital should come from different states all over the US, no?)? Trust me, if you’re an intellectual person, you’ll find something intellectual out of anything. You know what, after that recent “Leaving Neverland” drama, I got curious and learned quite a bit more about Michael Jackson’s music, even though I knew very very little about those music genres to start with. Even with pediatric cardiology, I bet there’re certain aspects of the field or your job or your medical training that you’re not particularly excited about, but you had to get through it anyway.

[JuneL]

p.s. I notice that you’re very helpful in sharing your medical expertise on here. Perhaps you can start a medical-related volunteering group?

[preraph]

I am now on board with what NoSpam said. You're in Mississippi. I still think salsa dancing is a great idea, but chances are you could go right out tonight and find a country line dancing group with free lessons at some bar and get started. It's a lot easier than line dancing and you know what they say: When in Rome....

[JuneL]

I am now on board with what NoSpam said. You're in Mississippi. I still think salsa dancing is a great idea, but chances are you could go right out tonight and find a country line dancing group with free lessons at some bar and get started. It's a lot easier than line dancing and you know what they say: When in Rome....

 

And I agree with this. Garcon: Are you not proud of the fact that you have spent time in many different parts of the world? What’s the point of spending time in a new geographical location if you don’t bother getting to know its culture?

Edited May 5, 2019 by JuneL

[Garcon1986]

I'm plenty proud of my five country background and would love to share it for all interested parties, and have also made attempts to enjoy going to the gun range, riding horses, fishing, and football/ beer - but can't bring myself to be genuinely pleased and enjoying myself the way I feel a ray of sunshine when I'm Irish stepdancing or playing flamenco guitar for example. I'm just being totally honest in that I appreciate their hospitality, but the things people do here are just too superficial for my taste. I've made attempts to enjoy Mississippi but I'm just being honest in that it doesn't make me truly and thoroughly happy. And - other people can easily sense that, with the result being I can only make limited friends here.

[preraph]

If you can play flamenco guitar, you should go to some little coffee house or steak house or whatever and get a gig playing there because all musicians who play in public meet people.

[JuneL]

Someone who doesn’t have the best social skills would have much better luck meeting his date/gf in school or at work, as they can build a rapport easily. Garcon: How did you meet your past gfs?

[Garcon1986]

I've had 3 GFs total and a bunch of first dates: all except one were through online dating platforms. My last exGF was a coworker in a part of the hospital that I did not see very often so that's what made it easier to not create conflicts of interest.

[JuneL]

I've had 3 GFs total and a bunch of first dates: all except one were through online dating platforms. My last exGF was a coworker in a part of the hospital that I did not see very often so that's what made it easier to not create conflicts of interest.

 

But you did mention that one of your other gfs was a medical student, right? So at least you shared the same professional background to have a rapport.

 

How much longer are you going to be in Mississippi? On the bright side, I’ve noticed that male physicians are very overrated in the dating market. So you should have good opportunities once you get out of Mississippi and are older (the market will shift to be male-friendly once you turn 40 ) and are more established in your career.

[Garcon1986]

But you did mention that one of your other gfs was a medical student, right? So at least you shared the same professional background to have a rapport.

 

How much longer are you going to be in Mississippi? On the bright side, I’ve noticed that male physicians are very overrated in the dating market. So you should have good opportunities once you get out of Mississippi and are older (the market will shift to be male-friendly once you turn 40 ) and are more established in your career.

 

I have 14 months remaining provided somebody else around the country wants to hire me

[preraph]

I've had 3 GFs total and a bunch of first dates: all except one were through online dating platforms. My last exGF was a coworker in a part of the hospital that I did not see very often so that's what made it easier to not create conflicts of interest.

 

Well, you're not doing too bad. Where will you be wanting to move to? I bet someone will hire you no problem. You will find your niche. Where do you think you will best find it at?

[Garcon1986]

I get along easiest with international communities of any sort because we have something to chat about. I just went to the Greek festival today and recognized many of the songs playing - met my work colleague there (he's a bloke) - and had a smile from ear to ear from having kebabs and listening to the music. That was a true ray of light experience. I just can't honestly enjoy Southern culture no matter how much I try.

 

Probably any east coast city would work just fine. I would be happy with almost any mild mannered geeky lady because I admire intelligence the most.

[snowcones]

Yes. #metoo is going to stop a lot of men from approaching women at work. As it should. That was the point of it. If you want to find more women at work, I really don't know what to tell you. It's not the best place to look for mates.

 

 

You could try to become a student again and then they will be your peers. You'll have a better shot then.

[snowcones]

I get along easiest with international communities of any sort because we have something to chat about. I just went to the Greek festival today and recognized many of the songs playing - met my work colleague there (he's a bloke) - and had a smile from ear to ear from having kebabs and listening to the music. That was a true ray of light experience. I just can't honestly enjoy Southern culture no matter how much I try.

 

Probably any east coast city would work just fine. I would be happy with almost any mild mannered geeky lady because I admire intelligence the most.

 

 

Yes definitely move. You will be happier on the east or west coast. Try the west coast maybe, like the San Francisco bay area?

[JuneL]

I get along easiest with international communities of any sort because we have something to chat about. I just went to the Greek festival today and recognized many of the songs playing - met my work colleague there (he's a bloke) - and had a smile from ear to ear from having kebabs and listening to the music. That was a true ray of light experience. I just can't honestly enjoy Southern culture no matter how much I try.

 

Probably any east coast city would work just fine. I would be happy with almost any mild mannered geeky lady because I admire intelligence the most.

 

Are you looking for a casual fling at this point? Because it might not be likely for the local ladies to want to move with you.

 

I assume you’re done with residency. Are you doing a fellowship there? Do you expect your next position to be of permanent nature so your future girlfriend doesn’t have to worry about relocating with you for your job?

[Garcon1986]

My next move should be permanent indeed. I conceivably could ask for a casual fling but have always gotten unbridled rage in response the two times I tried. I am puzzled on how to do it again.

[d0nnivain]

You may come off as too exotic for the locals you are encountering. The fantasy of dating a foreign man is that he is more suave then the local guys & able to sweep her off her feet. Because you are a fallible human being who is struggling to fit in (i.e. a normal person), that illusion is shattered & the woman fear they can't hold your interest so they don't try.

 

You do need to play to your strengths. Do seek out other music lovers. Perhaps spend some time in the music department of the university to see if you can find people who appreciate more then country. Perhaps educate the country music lovers you know about how that genre has it's roots in Irish folk songs.

[Wallysbears]

I think your best bet at this point would be focusing on networking to get a job offer in a city you want to move to...and trying to get dates there.

 

People are either southerners or they aren’t. You obviously aren’t.

 

(Which is fine...I wouldn’t survive there personally)

 

You’re trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. And at this point, with about a year left, you don’t want to potentially start something and then face the choice of leaving or staying.

[JuneL]

Garcon: Didn't you say you know 10 different languages? Can't you join a language exchange table at the university's graduate school? We had such tables in the dining halls in my college so you could practice your foreign language skills while eating dinner (I actually joined my German friend at the German table and it was fun though I knew zero German then; I still remember the few German phrases he taught me ). Or you can organize such a meetup group. You can rotate the different languages you know, so you'll have a bigger potential pool of members.

[Foxhall]

Well you could try to show a little extra interest in some medical students whom you know are single (not advocating a slightly unprofessional approach or anything!)

offer them a friendly ear if they need any study guidance or advice on how to climb the medical ranks.

 

 

private tuition .............

 

 

the hiking/hill walking club ideas could be a good option for you- these tend to attract the creative intellectual women that might suit you best,

 

 

I met a lady last week for a drink (online dating it was) with a somewhat similar profile to you, professionally anyway ( A Doctor who trains student doctors),

 

 

very interesting lady actually,

 

 

the only thing that surprised me was that she has not been snapped up already,

 

 

but there you go I suppose , maybe if you put a lot of effort into your career a love life can slip by.

[elaine567]

As a fully qualified doctor, you are too old for medical students.

They generally do not see you as dating material, hence the wall of silence. Different life stage.

[TheFinalWord]

How would you rate your looks, on a scale from 1 to 10? How tall are you and are you in shape? It's a pretty well established fact, online is mostly based on looks.

[Garcon1986]

6ft 1 in and 6/10 on the Asian scale, well built and actively working out