Finding dates at work professionally.

[JuneL]

Indeed JuneL I am now working with another Chinese cardiology fellow, and he has had a few dates even though he arrived here 1 week ago. I've had three dates in Mississippi in almost a years time. It's definitely the vibe, which is the most challenging thing for me to control given my scientific bent on the world. I shall not sway in my dedication and never give up on my goal.

 

Okay, at least now you can’t blame your being an Asian male and being unfamiliar with the Southern culture as issues. I’m not saying those won’t work against you, but your being a male doctor strongly works in your favor (again, “male doctors are very overrated in the dating market” is dating theorem 1 ). I’m curious about this Chinese cardiologist cultural background. Did he grow up and was he mainly educated in the US and is he pretty much new to the Southern culture as well?

 

To be completely honest with you, I’m not sure how one can improve his ability to read social cues at a meaningful level. Personally, I used to be very shy and a little nerdy (albeit in a cute way ) when I was much younger, but my gut feelings about people have always been great. The two are quite different actually.

Edited May 10, 2019 by JuneL

[Garcon1986]

He is an ethnically Chinese chap who grew up in multiple states across the US, who also had a military education, so he has the benefit of the confidence and "male swagger" that I never learned formally. Otherwise he's not that different from me, he is training in North Mississippi, and I am in the central part of the State.

 

I really hit it off with two obstetricians today, and it was made easier because I work with them at work, and had some wine. The third bonus is that one of them was Lebanese, and there were some Iranians there to make the party there even more exciting. One was single, and I will dig a bit more into whether or not I would be compatible. We talked about everything from the Arabic language to being afraid of dogs and cats, it was terrific.

[nospam99]

Otherwise he's not that different from me, he is training in North Mississippi, and I am in the central part of the State.

 

 

I don't know the extent to which it applies in Mississippi. But years ago my family was considering a move to Huntsville, Alabama. With the Marshall Flight Center and the Redstone Arsenal there, the guy who was recruiting us made a pretty decent case that the region was not as traditionally Southern as the rest of the state. My point is that social culture does not always respect state lines but is often driving by modern economic factors as well.

[OatsAndHall]

Personally, I need to push thoughts of dating a woman from work to the back of my mind before I engage in a conversation with them. I do my best to avoid framing them as potential dates and more as an individual that I simple want to converse with. This allows for the conversation to flow more organically and puts me more at ease.

 

 

 

With that being said, I'm not above cold calling outside of a professional environment.

[d0nnivain]

Then emulate those parts of the other doctor's swagger that you think you like. Continue to be authentic but use his example to be the best version of yourself in the culture where you presently are.

[JuneL]

Personally, I need to push thoughts of dating a woman from work to the back of my mind before I engage in a conversation with them. I do my best to avoid framing them as potential dates and more as an individual that I simple want to converse with. This allows for the conversation to flow more organically and puts me more at ease.

 

 

 

With that being said, I'm not above cold calling outside of a professional environment.

 

^^^ This. That’s exactly the point I made earlier that most successful workplace romance developed organically. If you go to work with the mindset of hitting on your female co-workers, then you may come across as a sex predator.

[OatsAndHall]

^^^ This. That’s exactly the point I made earlier that most successful workplace romance developed organically. If you go to work with the mindset of hitting on your female co-workers, then you may come across as a sex predator.

 

 

Exactly and that opens up a whole can of worms. I have to be careful when interacting with coworkers as is because my sense of humor is dry and sarcastic. It's not inappropriate but it doesn't take much for someone to read into what I've said the wrong way. The subtleties of cynicism escape people at the most inopportune times..

 

 

 

And, I think most of us have seen worked with the single guy who tries too hard to get dates at work and just comes across as a creepy weirdo... I worked with another teacher for awhile who was like this and his open flirting with any single woman cost him his job. I heard him say anything inappropriate but he made enough single mothers uncomfortable to get canned.

[JuneL]

OP: I remember that you got kicked out of some dance club years ago because you’re hitting on its female members.

 

I met both of my former boyfriends at the professional settings. But we just happened to develop the feelings after having worked with each other for a few months and having developed some rapport. As I said before, I probably wouldn’t have accepted to go on a first date if either met me and chatted with me at some work social gathering.

[Garcon1986]

Exactly and that opens up a whole can of worms. I have to be careful when interacting with coworkers as is because my sense of humor is dry and sarcastic. It's not inappropriate but it doesn't take much for someone to read into what I've said the wrong way. The subtleties of cynicism escape people at the most inopportune times..

 

 

 

And, I think most of us have seen worked with the single guy who tries too hard to get dates at work and just comes across as a creepy weirdo... I worked with another teacher for awhile who was like this and his open flirting with any single woman cost him his job. I heard him say anything inappropriate but he made enough single mothers uncomfortable to get canned.

 

Its just frustrating to be simultaneously bad at being that “edgy guy with swagger”, and also needing to be scared of somebody being uncomfortable. All it takes is a few uncomfortable people to get me fired. I suppose the only safe place for practice is online dating banter. Hence why I like being around the super intellectual who get my jokes easily.

[preraph]

He is an ethnically Chinese chap who grew up in multiple states across the US, who also had a military education, so he has the benefit of the confidence and "male swagger" that I never learned formally. Otherwise he's not that different from me, he is training in North Mississippi, and I am in the central part of the State.

 

I really hit it off with two obstetricians today, and it was made easier because I work with them at work, and had some wine. The third bonus is that one of them was Lebanese, and there were some Iranians there to make the party there even more exciting. One was single, and I will dig a bit more into whether or not I would be compatible. We talked about everything from the Arabic language to being afraid of dogs and cats, it was terrific.

 

You're expanding your friendly social network and that is a great thing. For one thing, people do talk and so any positive things that any other friend says about you to anyone is to your benefit.

[JuneL]

Its just frustrating to be simultaneously bad at being that “edgy guy with swagger”, and also needing to be scared of somebody being uncomfortable. All it takes is a few uncomfortable people to get me fired. I suppose the only safe place for practice is online dating banter. Hence why I like being around the super intellectual who get my jokes easily.

 

Not only that, most women wouldn't date the desperate guy who's hitting on different women in the same place — they don't feel special!

[chillii]

Do you work long doctor hours Garcon ?

 

 

Strangest thing , when l was seeing my sister , this Asian, doctor l think , not sure though , came in and started explaining some medical stuff, she was leaning over and her face was close to mine, and we caught each others eyes quite strongly a few times, and lm thinking - are you up to something you naughty doctor you :bunny:

lt was probably nothing , wth would a smarty doctor chickie type want with me.

l think she could tell l'm deaf in one ear so she might've just been making extra effort so l heard her.

 

But it got me thinking about if or not , all the flirting that must go in in that place.

[Garcon1986]

There is plenty of flirting going on amongst consenting parties

 

 

I do indeed work relatively long hours Mr Chili.

[ZA Dater]

There is plenty of flirting going on amongst consenting parties

 

 

I do indeed work relatively long hours Mr Chili.

 

 

 

I have gone down this road before, nothing ultimately happened but it was great going to work each day knowing it would get this attention and I would give it back. Ultimately its something that carries considerably risk but given the chance I would look at it again because the way I see it we spend some much of our time at the office, well I do anyway and based on what I think I know of you, you do too.

 

 

At least at work there is some common ground conversation to be had.

[guest569]

You would be mad to destroy your entire career by being 'that guy that hits on all the women'. These women have the right to go and do their job without being hit on.Sorry if that makes you sad and frustrated but seriously ??