Finding dates at work professionally.

[preraph]

I've seen his photo. He's Asian, he's good looking, he's stylish, he's a docta. He isn't trying to date Asian because he wasn't raised in that type culture and that's not what is normal for him. So that's his hurdle. No doubt he'd be a hot commodity in the Asian community, but there are a lot of cultural differences. I think a blend would be perfect and for that reason, I think he might find his niche in the obvious places where there are a lot of blendy people. It's not very blendy in Ol' Mississipi. However, just a skip to the west is New Orleans, which is pretty blendy, but not sure in whatever way he'd want. You have the Deep South influence there too, but a more European feel in some ways.

[JuneL]

I've seen his photo. He's Asian, he's good looking, he's stylish, he's a docta. He isn't trying to date Asian because he wasn't raised in that type culture and that's not what is normal for him. So that's his hurdle. No doubt he'd be a hot commodity in the Asian community, but there are a lot of cultural differences. I think a blend would be perfect and for that reason, I think he might find his niche in the obvious places where there are a lot of blendy people. It's not very blendy in Ol' Mississipi. However, just a skip to the west is New Orleans, which is pretty blendy, but not sure in whatever way he'd want. You have the Deep South influence there too, but a more European feel in some ways.

 

Where did you see Garcon’s picture? I’m curious about how he looks too

 

To be honest, I don’t understand the bit that “he wasn't raised in that type culture and that's not what is normal for him.” First, are there not plenty of ethnically Asian ladies with a very international/multi-cultural background or who grew up in the States? Second, forgive me for saying this (sorry Garcon!), but are his parents not very typical East Asian tiger parents who tried to meddle in his relationship with his then girlfriend? In fact, I met plenty of ethnically Asian guys in the States who are “over-achievers” (on paper) raised by typical tiger parents; they may speak perfect American English, but there’re certain aspects of them that are even more Asian than the Asian men who grew up in Asia. I’m not saying Garcon is such a guy, but I wouldn’t be so fast to make such a conclusion. I’m saying this as a woman with a muli-cultural background

[Garcon1986]

I am at peace with never being able to attract a Brazilian model and am open to dating Chinese who are somewhat westernized. I have tried dating classic Chinese who are first generation immigrants and it is way too boring for me. Indeed my parents did meddle with my relationship the last time, and they told me now that they are satisfied that I know what to look for. I am open also to trying temporary flings here but that may be difficult to get in a super religious community. The only two times I asked for a fling I got wild rage as a response. The only people who actually swipe right on me are the extraordinarily obese. I have signed myself up to church to see what social scene I can get.

[JuneL]

I am at peace with never being able to attract a Brazilian model and am open to dating Chinese who are somewhat westernized. I have tried dating classic Chinese who are first generation immigrants and it is way too boring for me. Indeed my parents did meddle with my relationship the last time, and they told me now that they are satisfied that I know what to look for. I am open also to trying temporary flings here but that may be difficult to get in a super religious community. The only two times I asked for a fling I got wild rage as a response. The only people who actually swipe right on me are the extraordinarily obese. I have signed myself up to church to see what social scene I can get.

 

Now I’m confused. Aren’t most first-generation Asian immigrants somewhat westernized, if they grew up in the States? They might be born in Japan or Taiwan or Singapore or S Korea or Hong Kong or China, but if they moved with their parents to this country as a kid and were mainly educated here, why would they be not somewhat (or even very) Americanized?

[JuneL]

I am at peace with never being able to attract a Brazilian model and am open to dating Chinese who are somewhat westernized. I have tried dating classic Chinese who are first generation immigrants and it is way too boring for me. Indeed my parents did meddle with my relationship the last time, and they told me now that they are satisfied that I know what to look for. I am open also to trying temporary flings here but that may be difficult to get in a super religious community. The only two times I asked for a fling I got wild rage as a response. The only people who actually swipe right on me are the extraordinarily obese. I have signed myself up to church to see what social scene I can get.

 

Also, I think the obesity rate in the South is probably higher than that on the East Coast

[Garcon1986]

Now I’m confused. Aren’t most first-generation Asian immigrants somewhat westernized, if they grew up in the States? They might be born in Japan or Taiwan or Singapore or S Korea or Hong Kong or China, but if they moved with their parents to this country as a kid and were mainly educated here, why would they be not somewhat (or even very) Americanized?

 

I have dated a Chinese lady who mostly grew up here that was rather nice. I have difficulty dating Chinese folks who have only been here a few months.

[snowcones]

There are so many #CrazyRichAsians on the west coast in the bay area. Check out San Francisco. A ton of them are westernized and highly educated.

 

 

https://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Asian-population-swells-in-Bay-Area-state-nation-3425777.php

[BC1980]

What kind of church are you going to, and how did the come about?

[Garcon1986]

Its a huge baptist church. Going there for the social scene.

[preraph]

It depends less on born here and more on if they were raised by the old traditions, and that goes with every type of ethnicity. In families who are strict and adhere to old ways, it limits the field a lot and would put off a lot of suitors, whether it's Italian or Asian or Hispanic or fundamentalist any type of religion. Outsiders would want no part of it for one reason or another.

[preraph]

Speaking of concentrations of Asians, you can google it and see a map of the US and what percent lives where. It's well known the Pacific NW is heavily Asian, and I'm sure a lot of them are very Americanized and that even more of them are likely still quite traditional to their own culture.

[preraph]

Speaking as a fat woman, I have to say I find it just incredulous that fat women are hitting up doctors for online dating. A doctor would be the last person I would get up. You are telling them you're a doctor right? I just want to be sure you're using your assets correctly.

[Garcon1986]

Indeed my job is clearly displayed on my profile. I don't insult them obviously, but I just am up front that I don't feel enough attraction to generate a romantic relationship.

 

I'll keep on looking for my Louise Banks (from the film Arrival). I am completely floored by the intelligence of a character like that.

[JuneL]

It depends less on born here and more on if they were raised by the old traditions, and that goes with every type of ethnicity. In families who are strict and adhere to old ways, it limits the field a lot and would put off a lot of suitors, whether it's Italian or Asian or Hispanic or fundamentalist any type of religion. Outsiders would want no part of it for one reason or another.

 

I actually agree with this. That’s consistent with my observation that certain Asian American guys who were born or grew up in the States have certain aspects that are much more traditionally Asian than the ones who were born and grew up in Asia. One reason might be that their parents were stuck in those traditional Asian values of their own generation, when things have changed so much in their countries of origin. For example, my cousin (my uncle’s son) has pretty much lived in a major East Asian city all his life, but I have no doubt he would shut my uncle up big time if my uncle was trying to meddle in his relationship, criticizing his girlfriend to her face, berating her education and career. To use your words, even very traditionally Asian girls in this time and age “would want no part of it.”

Edited May 7, 2019 by JuneL

[JuneL]

“Indeed my parents did meddle with my relationship the last time, and they told me now that they are satisfied that I know what to look for.”

 

Does it mean they still think they’re absolutely right in doing that to your relationship and your girlfriend?

[preraph]

He's a docta. They can't tell him what to do anymore.

 

I hope you find your Louise Banks. I'm thinking you might find a match in academia, so maybe you should take any opportunities to guest lecture -- not to meet the students -- to meet the faculty. You're not going to get that kind of mature intelligence in a young person.

[GuitarGuy7]

Don't eat ass where you get your cash

[Garcon1986]

@JuneL

Certainly I let them know in no uncertain terms that this was one of the most cruel things I had ever witnessed.

 

 

Can I guarantee they won't do it forever? No not really. Do they think they were justified? Yes they do.

They wanted to express that marrying someone rigid in her ways is going to lead to problems in the future. The way in which they determined that was absolutely cruel, and I'm disturbed by it, but I'm also disturbed by the following:

Women who say "I trained him well" or things along that nature - my philosophy is that men and women have equal standing in the relationship. I'm certainly willing to let her do lots of things her way, but I have dealbreakers such as I would be unwilling to marry a lady who is Antivax, believes in the importance of religious evangelism/ enforcing your religious beliefs on others, or repeatedly makes very large purchases without letting me know. I'm a little nervous about discovering this problem 10 years down the road when I am much more committed. If she wants to pick the room paint color, decide who gets to pick up the kids, ask me to do groceries, wash the dishes, or anything along those lines, I won't complain at all. I realized that I don't want to fight a rigid mind down the line.

[Garcon1986]

Don't eat ass where you get your cash

 

 

good advice old chap high five

[preraph]

@JuneL

Certainly I let them know in no uncertain terms that this was one of the most cruel things I had ever witnessed.

 

 

Can I guarantee they won't do it forever? No not really. Do they think they were justified? Yes they do.

They wanted to express that marrying someone rigid in her ways is going to lead to problems in the future. The way in which they determined that was absolutely cruel, and I'm disturbed by it, but I'm also disturbed by the following:

Women who say "I trained him well" or things along that nature - my philosophy is that men and women have equal standing in the relationship. I'm certainly willing to let her do lots of things her way, but I have dealbreakers such as I would be unwilling to marry a lady who is Antivax, believes in the importance of religious evangelism/ enforcing your religious beliefs on others, or repeatedly makes very large purchases without letting me know. I'm a little nervous about discovering this problem 10 years down the road when I am much more committed. If she wants to pick the room paint color, decide who gets to pick up the kids, ask me to do groceries, wash the dishes, or anything along those lines, I won't complain at all. I realized that I don't want to fight a rigid mind down the line.

 

Be careful about that new church, then. I grew up in a town basically run by a Baptist evangelistic cult. Where I was from Baptist = evangelism and imposing beliefs on others, so that might not be the church for you.

[JuneL]

Garcon: I remember you mentioning that certain people have mistaken you to have some sort of autism. I’m not sure if that was just a joke. But do you have problems reading between the lines? I think that you already have a well-balanced life (work, hobbies, friends), and there are already plenty of potential opportunities around you to meet potential dates. The one big thing you need to work hard on is reading cues from people and understanding the vibes you’re giving off. That’s your core issue I believe.

[Garcon1986]

Indeed JuneL I am now working with another Chinese cardiology fellow, and he has had a few dates even though he arrived here 1 week ago. I've had three dates in Mississippi in almost a years time. It's definitely the vibe, which is the most challenging thing for me to control given my scientific bent on the world. I shall not sway in my dedication and never give up on my goal.

[chillii]

Funny , went to see my sister in hospital the other week and l was thinking about all this.

So many staff of every description. l'm thinking my God between the hospital and training, Uni and whatnot , the life must be an absolute playground . But then l imagine that could also be a tricky business.

[gaius]

There was a discussion on Howard Stern a while back with an autistic caller, who stated that listening to the show helped him develop communication skills and learn social cues. Which I can't really argue with, as I've learned a lot too from listening to him over the years.

 

Before I met my beautiful wife sometimes I would go on OLD and just throw out different material and see what would get a response. One time when the Ebola epidemic was raging and people were getting quarantined I jokingly offered to take one woman on an Ebola themed date where we'd go visit the places in Boston the latest patient had been before they were locked up.

 

The line actually worked, because she had seen the news and was thinking about it at the time and it was different and interesting. I never called her but learned something about communication. It's definitely a skill you can learn and develop if you're willing to put the work in.

[preraph]

I had to hang around a huge hospital for several months and one thing I was privy to is not all staff, including nurses and residents, have a favorable personal opinion of all doctors. And at that place at that time, it was because they wouldn't even read their notes and respond to them, so there was no doctor boinking going on on that floor because of the lack of respect.