RAKS Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 (edited) Its a long story but ill do my best to keep it short I met my ex girlfriend in July 2018, she was living in my country on a work visa. We kept on seeing each other for 2 months before she had had to go back to her home country, and we kept in touch and we flew to see each other a couple of times and within that time i finally decided to take the plunge and move to Europe from New Zealand to be closer to her because we were both in love. She then told me the day after i arrived (April 2019) that she slept with another man while i was flying to Europe. I took it really badly it was the worst i have ever felt in my whole life. We took some time apart (3 weeks) to give us time to think about our options and in that time i couldn't get the fact that still had so much love for her and wanted to give her a second chance. When we saw each other again i told her that i am willing to give her another chance if she could do everything in her power to gain my trust back. She told me that she cant promise me that it wouldn't happen again. So then we decided to end it. I then asked her if she had slept with him again during our time apart (after she agreed to not be in contact with him) and she said yes. I immediately lost all feelings but anger towards her. This tipped me over the edge so i said some nasty things to her and snapped her laptop in half and stormed out. I'm not at all and angry or aggressive person but i couldn't control myself. I'm still struggling to get it out of my head, and i sent her some further pretty nasty messages which i did mean but also feel a little bad for. But i know that we will never have to see each other or talk again which makes it a bit better. I know its still fresh but will this feeling of anger pass? I cant get the picture of her being with someone else out of my mind. I gave up my whole life to be with her. I've never hated anyone before in my life and its a horrible feeling to have towards someone. I feel used and worthless and most of all alone in a foreign country. Am i wrong for losing control like that? Edited May 6, 2019 by RAKS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 I don't blame you for being mad. That's a lot of money invested trying to see her and making up your mind to be with her and move there. The bottom line, though, is although she behaved very badly and should have been honest with you much sooner that she would see other people, two months is just not enough time to commit to someone, particularly to the point you are spending so much money and planning to relocate. So she's horrible, and it only took a couple of months to find that out, so you've got to slow down. Truth is long-distance affairs hardly ever work out for one reason or another anyway, so I'd encourage you not to engage in them again and date local or move somewhere and date local there. So sorry that happened. Just be glad she told you rather than leading you on even further and wasting even more of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RAKS Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 (edited) Thanks for the reply. i guess i wasn't clear on the time we were together before she told me the news. So we were together from July 2018 to may 2019, so almost 9 months, but yeah it was obviously long distance within that time, with us only physically being together for only about 4 months of that time. But i understand that it is still a short time to be with someone but we were so in love so sure that we wanted to be together so i had to make the decision to move because we didn't want to end the relationship. and yes we did talk bout how we could lose our connection in the time we were apart but the fact that she did what she did when i was on my way to be with her is just so hard to deal with, because i trusted her with my life. We are living in different parts of Europe so we are still far from each other which is good. so i know that we will never cross paths again. A day after we broke up i deleted all her contacts, blocked her from all mine so there is no way we can contact each other again. I know that time heals pain but i'm just struggling right now. Ive definitely learnt a lot from the affects of being in a long distance relationship and jumping into a commitment to quickly but at the time i felt i had no choice. So i will try to take each day as it comes and just try to move on and forget and i guess i can use this experience to find someone better and also closer to where i'm living so i wont be in the same situation again. And ill try not to fall in love too quickly Edited May 6, 2019 by RAKS Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 Doesn't sound like she had deep feelings but was just going along with a nice romance while it was convenient, unfortunately. That's not someone who was in love who would do that. Yes, it's nearly impossible to make long distance work because you DO need to be face to face for a year or two to really know someone or things fall apart if you just jump in. Glad you won't be seeing her at least. Just date local. Take your time about it too. Very hurtful. Hope you feel better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RAKS Posted May 6, 2019 Author Share Posted May 6, 2019 Sorry but We were in love and there was no doubt about that, she told me she loved me all the time and said that shes never had feelings like this towards anyone before in her life, but maybe i was probably too naive to fall in love with her because it all happened so quickly. I mean whats done is done and i'm glad its over now because i know now what type of person she is and that is not the person i want to be with. Link to post Share on other sites
Rotaglia Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 You're in charge of your own life but in your shoes I would deep-six this particular woman. You'll recover. Do not waste your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 Sorry but We were in love and there was no doubt about that, she told me she loved me all the time and said that shes never had feelings like this towards anyone before in her life, but maybe i was probably too naive to fall in love with her because it all happened so quickly. I mean whats done is done and i'm glad its over now because i know now what type of person she is and that is not the person i want to be with. Women that are in love are incapable of sleeping with other men. We are wired differently than men. Our emotional connection to our man makes us blind to other male around. Good luck with everything, you will meet a new love and life will go on. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 Sorry buddy, I sympathise with you on this situation, it is a tough one, yes as a few point out though, she just was not as invested in the relationship as you were, as regards the anger, you have to try and move on from it now, it is good you have the anger in one way but you have to channel that energy into something positive now and use it as motivation to push forward and do well in life and find a new girl, "there is often bad but it could be worse," your in London now is it, should not take you too long to get back on the horse! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RAKS Posted May 7, 2019 Author Share Posted May 7, 2019 thank you mate, i appreciate the reply. I know its early days so i just need to be patient, and i will be especially patient if i find someone else so i don't make any rash decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 Sorry but We were in love and there was no doubt about that, she told me she loved me all the time and said that shes never had feelings like this towards anyone before in her life, but maybe i was probably too naive to fall in love with her because it all happened so quickly. I mean whats done is done and i'm glad its over now because i know now what type of person she is and that is not the person i want to be with. Only in your mind. She wasn't on the same page. Her actions tell you that. Her words were meaningless. Cheaters lie a lot all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 Maybe she couldn't make up her mind...maybe she was in love with the both of you, which can happen. Selfish? ya you bet. She knew she had to choose, and you got the s&^%%$ end of the stick on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RAKS Posted May 8, 2019 Author Share Posted May 8, 2019 She had only known him for a month, i think she just needed sex, and couldnt control herself. And i guess i have to accept the fact that she wasnt as in love as i was which is pretty hard to deal with right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RAKS Posted May 8, 2019 Author Share Posted May 8, 2019 Alot of time i feel like I'm worthless and just want to dissappear from the world. I hope this feeling passes soon Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 It's possible she was in love, but with the distance, and the end of the honeymoon phase, sometimes things just run their course/fizzle out. People have found themselves in this type of situation all the time. Look on the bright side, at least she told you straight what happened and you are not wasting anymore of your time. Remember the red flag here was that you wanted to give her a second when it should have been her asking for a second chance...plus she already talked about losing your connection. That right there was a warning sign. I think you should just go hang out with friends, maybe go on a nice trip, and enjoy a change of scenery. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 She had only known him for a month, i think she just needed sex, and couldnt control herself. And i guess i have to accept the fact that she wasnt as in love as i was which is pretty hard to deal with right now. Well, you certainly don't want to be with a woman who doesn't have the requisite self discipline to control herself when you aren't there and you especially don't want to be with a deceitful liar (omitting the truth is trafficking in deceit). Clearly Knob wants to have sex with other men, so let her go so she can have it. Is there any way you can make a move back to your home, or are you going to make a go of NZ with no support group about you? BTW--it's perfectly normal to be incandescent over her deceit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RAKS Posted May 9, 2019 Author Share Posted May 9, 2019 Ive chosen to stay here in London for a while. Ive come too far to just give up and go home. And yes it's hard with no support group, i do have some family but i havent seen them for 13 years, i guess thats why im reaching out here. So ill give it a go here and if im still struggling to deal with being alone then ill have to make a decision, but i think I'll take this oppurtunity to travel and see more of Europe, which was our plan anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 Good luck, keep us posted how things are going for you. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 No, it's understandable. But she crossed the line with you when she slept with him, and it just went on to prove she isn't the one for you. Most people that cheat will do so given the chance again, and it's just best to distance yourself from them entirely. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 Sorry but We were in love and there was no doubt about that, she told me she loved me all the time and said that shes never had feelings like this towards anyone before in her life, but maybe i was probably too naive to fall in love with her because it all happened so quickly. I mean whats done is done and i'm glad its over now because i know now what type of person she is and that is not the person i want to be with. Not really. You appear to be in denial. Women that much in love don't bang others that quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
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