preraph Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 If your dad is still alive or you have a protective brother, you should tell them what your husband is doing right now so they know he's abusive and can help look out for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 I agree that his behavior is verbally and emotionally abusive. I have no way to say for sure that the next step for him will be to physically abuse you, but a lot of men and women who are verbally and emotionally abusive ( which are bad enough on their own) will become physical abusers as well. Dpn't let him cross that line. He either needs counseling ( non-negotiable) or you need to leave. I now that can be hard with a small baby, but the longer you stay and accept his treatment of you, the harder it will be to get out from under it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 Fake-tan from a bottle is not cancerous, sun can be, but not bottles I know but who wants to put that stuff in their baby's mouth. Her husband just needs to get over it. I swear I wouldn't do anything for him if I were you. He could go ^&*%$#)@! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 Who wants to have sex with an abusive jerk who doesn't care one whit about you as a person and has no respect. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissFuzzy Posted May 8, 2019 Author Share Posted May 8, 2019 It's unfortunate that he appears to be both shallow and cruel. Yelling at you for an hour? It sounds like became an excuse to vent. Is there more to this? I would suggest trying to nip this in the bud via marriage counseling (assuming this is a new thing). If you can't you may need to start thinking about exit strategies. He said it was because he stopped masturbating. He had too much built up frustration. Other than that no. He just hates stretch marks. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 He said it was because he stopped masturbating. He had too much built up frustration. Other than that no. He just hates stretch marks. Maybe you should tell him what things about his body you hate since you said you're in much better shape than he is. It would serve him right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 He said it was because he stopped masturbating. He had too much built up frustration. Other than that no. He just hates stretch marks. Ah, so he is not even willing to take responsibility for his total lack of self control. Instead, he blames the fact that he hasn’t masterbated in a while... OP, you realize that this is an adolescent walking around in an adult body, right? You realize that this is not what responsible grown men do to women they love... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 He said it was because he stopped masturbating. He had too much built up frustration. Other than that no. He just hates stretch marks. I would tell him he can masturbate until his head caves in just stay away from me and baby. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 He said it was because he stopped masturbating. He had too much built up frustration. Other than that no. He just hates stretch marks. This sounds like just excuses to me. Not sure why a man would stop doing this in the late stage of a pregnancy. Anyhow, tell him to start again if it'll help him start treating the mother of his child decently. Sheesh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rotaglia Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 Not everybody agrees with my contention that, to some degree, desire is a choice: A man who truly loves you can come to love your body as well if he adopts the proper mindset. Many folks here and elsewhere are free to disagree but I think in at least some cases we choose whom we love and whom we are attracted to. It's not always a matter of chemistry and attraction separate from love. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fishlips Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 He sounds like a jerk. Is he going to talk you into having plastic surgery next because "he doesn't ask for much?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imsosad Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 (edited) Congratulations on your precious, beautiful, baby. Your body is being normal. A grown up man, who loves you, will not be scared or bothered by a few stretchmarks. Your body is not on display. You just carried pregnancy to term and gave birt to a healthy baby. You are now breastfeeding. Your body is doing a great job. What you need now is good food, plenty of rest and tons of emotional support and love. You don't need to be hassled about applying oil to preserve a pre baby body. I personally couldn't live with someone who has such a shallow view of me and my body. I met my partner in my 40's, after I've given birth and breastfed 4 children. Plenty of stretchmarks, believe me. It never bothered either of us. I think it's a man's job to make his partner feel pretty and nurture her, especially through emotionally charged times. I really hope you will think about the type of marriage you want and need, and recieve lots of support to make decisions for you and your son. Edited May 9, 2019 by imsosad 4 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted May 10, 2019 Share Posted May 10, 2019 As I said before and as others have said, this is not normal. Your husband is not acting like an adult. Does he have any REAL adult friends you can ask to give him a reality check? A father? A brother? Anybody he respects? In my experience, men who are capable of change will respond to the opinion of a man they respect. When they won't listen to you, another man can give their ego a tough punch and change their behavior. If there's nobody in his life that can be that person for the two of you, then you need a counselor. Like...yesterday. Sometimes relationships like this can be fixed if there's a third person who can provide a reality check. If that's not possible, then things are pretty bad. And as everybody has said, there's nothing wrong with your body. Stretch marks aren't pretty, but they're part of life. People have to give each other some grace when life happens. I'm so glad I have a husband who doesn't mind the stretch marks on my sides, and doesn't mind the scars on my arms and my back. I'm not the prettiest (and I live with better looking women) but my husband always makes me feel loved and valued. I wish you could have that in your life too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted May 10, 2019 Share Posted May 10, 2019 I don’t understand people who think a woman’s body should stay the same after pregnancy and childbirth. It boggles my mind. OP, if your husband was so bothered by stretch marks then he should not have impregnated you in the first place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted May 10, 2019 Share Posted May 10, 2019 I agree with everybody else here- for f*cks sake- you grew a little human being inside of your body. Your man(child) needs to grow up ASAP. I’m sorry you are going through this. You should only be having to raise 1 child right now. You deserve support and love and acceptance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I don’t understand people who think a woman’s body should stay the same after pregnancy and childbirth. It boggles my mind. Trying not to be more of a dick than I usually am, but let's not get dramatic here...Because I am a gym guy, there have been women I've known over the years, that trained right up to delivery, never gained much weight during pregnancy(they looked just like they always did, just with a baby bump), and within weeks of delivery, other than their tits being more full, they looked like they never had any kids..Lets face it, I wont say every woman does this, but many gain far more weight than they need to during a pregnancy...If you don't believe me, just ask any doctor that is in that field of practice.. I wont excuse this guys behavior as its cruel, insensitive and mean, but for every douche like him, there are probably also a good percent that think somewhat like this guy does, but wont dare say anything... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 Trying not to be more of a dick than I usually am, but let's not get dramatic here...Because I am a gym guy, there have been women I've known over the years, that trained right up to delivery, never gained much weight during pregnancy(they looked just like they always did, just with a baby bump), and within weeks of delivery, other than their tits being more full, they looked like they never had any kids..Lets face it, I wont say every woman does this, but many gain far more weight than they need to during a pregnancy...If you don't believe me, just ask any doctor that is in that field of practice.. I wont excuse this guys behavior as its cruel, insensitive and mean, but for every douche like him, there are probably also a good percent that think somewhat like this guy does, but wont dare say anything... TFY You’re forgetting about stretch marks as well as changes in the pelvic floor. Training right up until delivery is not possible for many women. I do agree that plenty of women gain far too much weight during pregnancy though. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 within weeks of delivery, other than their tits being more full, they looked like they never had any kids.. For clarification, how many weeks are you talking? As someone who belly danced through her pregnancies and went straight back to dancing afterwards and only put on baby weight, it was still a good 8-12 weeks recovery. And thanks to changes to my skeleton (lower ribs got wider, so did hips), I could never wear my pre-pregnancy clothes again. Link to post Share on other sites
Dandelioness Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 Because I am a gym guy, there have been women I've known over the years, that trained right up to delivery, never gained much weight during pregnancy(they looked just like they always did, just with a baby bump), and within weeks of delivery, other than their tits being more full, they looked like they never had any kids.. TFY The OP said she's lost all her pregnancy weight and has a 7week old child. She's talking about stretch marks. I'm one of those women whom you've described (minus the gym bit) who gained most of the weight in the belly and lost the excess shortly after birth. When my daughter was 4-5 weeks old, people commented about how it didn't even look like I just had a child (let alone 2, under the age of 2). Guess what? I, too, have stretch marks on my butt and thighs. You wouldn't notice it seeing me at a gym. So, your response to this thread was irrelevant. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Dandelioness Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 He said it was because he stopped masturbating. Wow. I don't even know what to say here. He got abusive because he stopped masturbating? That's a new one. Link to post Share on other sites
imsosad Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 The OP said she's lost all her pregnancy weight and has a 7week old child. She's talking about stretch marks. I'm one of those women whom you've described (minus the gym bit) who gained most of the weight in the belly and lost the excess shortly after birth. When my daughter was 4-5 weeks old, people commented about how it didn't even look like I just had a child (let alone 2, under the age of 2). Guess what? I, too, have stretch marks on my butt and thighs. You wouldn't notice it seeing me at a gym. So, your response to this thread was irrelevant. Sorry. So if women tried harder, men wouldn't have to deal with the perils of stretchmarks? I am a gym person. I gave birth to 4 children, and weigh the same as I did when I graduated highschool two decades ago. My body is different, though, because it carried 4 pregnancies. I am indiffrent to my strechmarks and smaller boobs, I feel like there are so many more important things in my life. Advice from men as to how look good after giving birth is annoying. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 For clarification, how many weeks are you talking? As someone who belly danced through her pregnancies and went straight back to dancing afterwards and only put on baby weight, it was still a good 8-12 weeks recovery. And thanks to changes to my skeleton (lower ribs got wider, so did hips), I could never wear my pre-pregnancy clothes again. There are plenty of women on YouTube that show before and after pics that are pretty astounding in a relatively short amount of time. Probably in the 8-12 week time frame.. But quite frankly I probably shouldn't have made that last post and I regret it... Happy Mothers Day to you, the OP, and all TFY Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 So if women tried harder, men wouldn't have to deal with the perils of stretchmarks? Advice from men as to how look good after giving birth is annoying. No argument, but remember this... Most women "sell" themselves to men based on what they bring to the table physically...This is not me talking, its something that has been true for as long as I have been alive...and for far longer than that as well... No one would call a woman a heartless shrew if she complained that the dashing lawyer she married decided it was too stressful and took a job cleaning up after the pigeons in the park... All this being said. some reason and common sense has to come into play and that's where the OPs situation has gone awry.. Just trying to give a perspective TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Amy1992 Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I told him it’s mostly genetic there’s nothing I can really do. He says The way I was thinking was troubling to him. I bet it was. What you said shows a degree of mature and healthy self acceptance that would be definitely troubling to a dysfunctional person who seeks to control others by manipulating their insecurities. I said to him I’m going to get stretch marks, I’ll do the best I can to avoid it, but I don’t think they are that terrible looking. He said “well it doesn’t matter what you think, I’m the one that has to look at you.” I'd be like "if you'd rather look at a separation agreement, that can certainly be arranged. You can have custody of the stretchmark oil, since you're so obsessed with it." Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 He's more worried about how you look to him and possibly in public around his friends and family.. Very shallow of him! So, what happens later in life if you get sick? Put on 50 pounds? You get cancer and lose all your hair and have a breast (or both) removed? Will he still love you with scars and all? He needs to grow up and BE a husband, not a dictator or control freak. You tell him that if he ever says anything like that to you ever again he can pack a bag and get the HECK out for good! I don't have kids, I have stretch marks on my upper legs near my hips. It happens automatically with age. Our skin changes and we have NO control over this! No amount of oil will make it disappear or not happen. SHAME on him for trying to make you feel bad. His focus should be on being a doting father to his new born and a good husband to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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