Second Chance?

[TSIOFTIS]

Hey ..

 

So here it goes ...

 

There is a girl (my ex) let's call her A who has a best friend (let's call her b) who also had a little something with back in the day ...

The thing is I really really REALLY love A and I miss her ..It's been almost a year since we broke up an we were together for like 7 months ...

 

B made her hate my guts and she basically is the main reason we broke up with A ..

 

A lives far away (long distance relationship)-well not so far a couple of towns away but you know ..She is with B every day ..there are besties and she hates me ..

 

I from the other hand tried to reach her (Not a great idea since she told me to never call / talk or bother her again) and I ... It's almost a year since I saw her face or heard from her

 

Is there ANY chance I can do something ?

Maybe something I didn't thought of before ..Hit me ..anything ..Please give me ANY advice ..thanks

 

Over and Out

[rjc149]

Did A or B tell you to never contact who again? You want A back, reached out to A, and was told by A to never contact her again?

 

If that is the case there isn't much you can do, it sounds like the bridge is gone.

 

The only other thing I can think of is to wait a while, try again in 60-90 days. But it doesn't sound like a worthwhile endeavor honestly.

[Marc878]

You're wasting your time. Why?

[d0nnivain]

You can only go back if whatever broke you up is fixed. Since B is still in the picture, poisoning A against you, the problem still exists. A has made her choice. She picked B over you. Accept that & move on. Going backwards is rarely a good plan.

[Redhead14]

..Hit me ..anything ..

 

I am going to take you by the shoulders and shake you 'til your eyes roll. Seriously. You're going to try to get between 2 girls who are best friends and hate you???

 

You'll be setting yourself up for drama of epic proportions and/or fall flat on your face.

 

If you try to do anything, I don't think you're going to be taking home any awards for brilliance . . .

[TSIOFTIS]

Hey ...First of all ..Thanks ..Sounds like a good plan and I def need one .. Second yeah I reached out to my ex (A) told me to basically to **** off ...But You know I knew her for almost a year I KNOW she still have feelings

[TSIOFTIS]

You're wasting your time. Why?

 

Dude if this was a waste of time for me I wouldn't be here right now asking for help ..As I said I love her and you know it's the kind of person that when I got to know her more I told myself "she's the one" ..So I don't see where I waste my time actually but thanks for your reply ...

[TSIOFTIS]

I am going to take you by the shoulders and shake you 'til your eyes roll. Seriously. You're going to try to get between 2 girls who are best friends and hate you???

 

You'll be setting yourself up for drama of epic proportions and/or fall flat on your face.

 

If you try to do anything, I don't think you're going to be taking home any awards for brilliance . . .

 

Well ..You can do that or help me with some advice ..Thank you for your reply but you don't seem to get it ...It's not some teen drama ..I'm 23 year old dude and she's 20 ..It wad serious ..It is serious (for me ) ..If I don't do anything about it now ..I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life ..So you know ..Also I am not going to get between NO ONE ...B (her friend) got between me and her

[elaine567]

Why does B hate you?

What did you do?

[TSIOFTIS]

Why does B hate you?

What did you do?

 

Uuum ..The big mistake of trusting her I suppose ..It's a long story but I'll try to keep it short ..We talked every hour of the day through messages for about a year and a half ...One day she ask me to help her with someof the stuff she is going through in her life ...Went there to help (in her town ..She lives in the same town with A) then she dissapeared block my calls and block me from everything ..

Well wasn't that long after all ...That was the night I met with A ...The night I went there to help B .. A was the one who told me that B was not feeling it anymore to talk or to have any kind of relationship with me ..

 

Also when I was with A she did a lit of stuff that when I saw them I knew she did it to break us apart ...But that's another story I guess..I hope that covers it

[d0nnivain]

Dude if this was a waste of time for me I wouldn't be here right now asking for help ..As I said I love her and you know it's the kind of person that when I got to know her more I told myself "she's the one" ..So I don't see where I waste my time actually but thanks for your reply ...

 

It's your time to waste but you loving her doesn't matter. If she hates you all you can do is make a pest of yourself until she seeks a restraining order.

[TSIOFTIS]

It's your time to waste but you loving her doesn't matter. If she hates you all you can do is make a pest of yourself until she seeks a restraining order.

 

Whoa!Heavy words but Hey !I get it.. you maybe never loved someone and you think this is a waste of time but for me it ain't ...So I get it ..That's an advice too I guess ..To move on ..But I clearly from the original post it's not the advice I'm looking for ..So thank you again but that's not an option for me

[elaine567]

She is 20.

She has moved on.

With or without B, you would probably be in the same place, sorry to say.

Young woman, the world is her oyster, unlikely to want to settle down with anyone at 20.

[d0nnivain]

Whoa!Heavy words but Hey !I get it.. you maybe never loved someone and you think this is a waste of time but for me it ain't ...So I get it ..That's an advice too I guess ..To move on ..But I clearly from the original post it's not the advice I'm looking for ..So thank you again but that's not an option for me

 

I've been happily married for 10+ years. I think I have a pretty good idea of what it's like to be in love.

 

I understand that you feel passionate about this but you are failing to acknowledge that the lady in Q gets a big say in this too. If you pursue when your advances are unwelcome, this will not end well. Just be wise in your choices.

 

Simply because it's not what you want to hear, doesn't invalidate what we are saying. Your hostile reaction to anything that you don't want to hear causes me to be more fearful for you that you will eventually go too far.

 

I hope you find your happily ever after but it's unlikely it will be with her.

[TSIOFTIS]

I've been happily married for 10+ years. I think I have a pretty good idea of what it's like to be in love.

 

I understand that you feel passionate about this but you are failing to acknowledge that the lady in Q gets a big say in this too. If you pursue when your advances are unwelcome, this will not end well. Just be wise in your choices.

 

Simply because it's not what you want to hear, doesn't invalidate what we are saying. Your hostile reaction to anything that you don't want to hear causes me to be more fearful for you that you will eventually go too far.

 

I hope you find your happily ever after but it's unlikely it will be with her.

 

Hey ..I'm not trying to be hostile with nobody (especially in a forum about relationships).. if I really did that I'm sorry but that was never in my intentions ..Anyway first of all congrats about you and your wife I'm really happy to hear that ...Just so we can finally get over with it ..Because we just simply are not in the same page here :

 

Trust me whatever you (all of you) say I hear it ...But it's like all the things in my original post that I said it's not even the 5% of the things that happened and the 7 months we were together ..they were awesome ...

 

All I'm trying to say here is that such a great relationship ..it's a shame that it went down the way it did ..

 

I just look for some good ol' advice ...Your advice about my decisions though it's true ..I indeed took some wrong decisions obviously and I'm gonna fix that.. but I know what I'm trying to do is the right thing ..For me anyway ...

 

 

See what I mean ? I don't look for someone to tell me if keep trying is good or bad ..I will keep trying no matter what ..And it might not end up well for me I know that ...

 

All I look is for some advice in what I should do so I can have a second chance with her ...And Hey !Maybe someone down the road can actually help but you don't cause it's not what I'm asking and that's ok ..

 

I hope that help you understand now

[TSIOFTIS]

She is 20.

She has moved on.

With or without B, you would probably be in the same place, sorry to say.

Young woman, the world is her oyster, unlikely to want to settle down with anyone at 20.

 

 

Who said anything about settling down?

I'm not ..I don't wanna marry her

 

It's just a shame because We were happy ..She was ..Happy and she wasn't the type that tries to have some fun she was looking for something serious too ...So If it wasn't for B ...I don't see why we would be in the same place ...And I don't understand how does this matter with the question I posted andI tying to get some answers

Edited May 11, 2019 by TSIOFTIS

[elaine567]

What you can do is let it go.

She doesn't want to be with you, so you really have no option but to let it go.

[TSIOFTIS]

What you can do is let it go.

She doesn't want to be with you, so you really have no option but to let it go.[/quote

 

If that's your advice okay ..Thank you

[preraph]

What you're overlooking is that A has her own operable brain. You're making excuses for her because you can't accept the truth. Trust me, A broke up with you because she wanted to, not because B wanted her to. It's important you give A enough respect to respect that she can and did make up her own mind. It's very disrespectful, and I'm sure she would think so, for you to act like she doesn't have what it takes between her ears to make up her own mind about you. I'm 66 and I've never seen a woman break up with a guy she didn't want to break up with because of her friend. You're giving A too little credit .

 

If A wanted you, she'd have gotten back together before now. It's a sad fact that just because you have feelings for someone does not mean that they must feel the same way or that it's meant to be. Only in really bad movies does the guy win the woman through persistence against her will. Persistence in real life is, as someone else said, annoying at minimum and frightening if it keeps up.

 

You have to learn to accept things. You'll find someone. She's just not it. It's hard to lose someone you had fun with, I know -- we ALL know -- but it is a repeating fact of life that there isn't much you can do but accept it. Good luck.

[TSIOFTIS]

What you're overlooking is that A has her own operable brain. You're making excuses for her because you can't accept the truth. Trust me, A broke up with you because she wanted to, not because B wanted her to. It's important you give A enough respect to respect that she can and did make up her own mind. It's very disrespectful, and I'm sure she would think so, for you to act like she doesn't have what it takes between her ears to make up her own mind about you. I'm 66 and I've never seen a woman break up with a guy she didn't want to break up with because of her friend. You're giving A too little credit .

 

If A wanted you, she'd have gotten back together before now. It's a sad fact that just because you have feelings for someone does not mean that they must feel the same way or that it's meant to be. Only in really bad movies does the guy win the woman through persistence against her will. Persistence in real life is, as someone else said, annoying at minimum and frightening if it keeps up.

 

You have to learn to accept things. You'll find someone. She's just not it. It's hard to lose someone you had fun with, I know -- we ALL know -- but it is a repeating fact of life that there isn't much you can do but accept it. Good luck.

 

Yeah I hear ya but what dosen't make sense is that I would never love a woman that was brainless as you say and I totally respect her ..You of all people should know if you are indeed 66 years old should know ..That when you love someone ..You respect them ,care about them and you put them in the highest place of your heart ..So That dosen't make sense ..I know damn well that she is smarter than me actually ..so what you say isn't true ...I just think that sometimes maybe sometimes a 5or so year old friend could change your mind pretty drastically..I know that and I believe that and the truth is if I was her and I had a friend like B I would probably listen to them because who wouldn't ?

And our relationship with A as much as awesome it was it wasn't perfect ..What relationship is perfect anyway ..I mean we had our disagreements as every couple would..The thing is that she put all these things together ,chose her friend's opinion and broke up with me ..I don't disagree with that ..I know that ..I just ..need to..be with her and I need an advice to reach out to her with a right way ...and not call her or message her like an idiot would do ...

 

I don't need a wizard who will change her mind and I don't want that ..I just need an advice on how to reach her ...I don't wanna change her mind because I admire her mind ...

 

So ..Dude ...You don't know the whole story or my feelings but I thought that this was a forum about relationships and how to get them better or have a second chance you see?

 

But everybody seems to judge me without even know me or how EXACTLY I feel ..So tell me ..You seem wise

 

You obviously can't help me because you don't get what I am saying ..But answer me this ..."why do people seems to judge anyone without even knowing them?" Cause let's be honest

 

4 paragraphs as the original post was (I think) are not even the start or enough to describe how the things went down and how I feel and If I ..Hell If I even as you said think than A is stupid or not ...Did I ever say that? Of course no ..So answer me this if you would ..

[preraph]

Of course, no relationship is perfect. That's a given.

 

Yes, she probably heard what B had to say about you, but honestly, if it didn't make sense to her and she was very invested in you and there hadn't been some dealbreakers or near-dealbreakers, like you said, she's smart, so she would have weighed all that. She wouldn't just do what B wanted her to do if she didn't agree with at least SOME of it herself.

 

There's no magic wand to get a person back once they have decided it wasn't right for them. Men will often come back for sex, but women, once they lose that feeling about someone, lose trust, lose attraction, feel they are not respected or any combination of those, even if you do get them to try again, it's never the same because women need all that trust and attraction and respect or they can't get back that feeling they had when things were new and you were both so hopeful that things would be right.

 

It is a helpless feeling, but the wheel has turned. Things never go back to how they used to be once the relationship has somehow been tainted or simply that two people got to know each other long enough that the illusion breaks down and they see something in the person that isn't what they identify as "the one."

 

Once someone has made clear they do not want to talk, you have to leave them alone. If you respect their wish, then they may feel a little more at ease in time. But if you make them nervous because you're persistent, they see that as disrespect for what they want or need.

 

The other thing about continuing to try to go back is that it always makes you look weaker in their eyes. Makes you look desperate, needy. Women don't like that look on a man. So it's best not to humiliate yourself further. It would be best to realize she's only one woman on this earth of a billion women and to put your hook back in the water carefully and wade back in to dating.

 

We sometimes make the mistake of thinking that everyone thinks and processes things like we do. So like, if you were her, you'd realize how much you were loved and come back. But that's you. That's not her. She may be thinking totally differently: If he ever cared about me, he'd let it go. You just don't know and can't assume.

 

Try to just calm down and think about things slowly that you hear on this forum. It's true you have much more info than anyone else here, but a lot of us have dealt with similar problems and so even if the advice doesn't always fit like a shoe, likely if you just keep it in mind, some of it may ring true in your situation.

Edited May 11, 2019 by preraph

[TSIOFTIS]

Of course, no relationship is perfect. That's a given.

 

Yes, she probably heard what B had to say about you, but honestly, if it didn't make sense to her and she was very invested in you and there hadn't been some dealbreakers or near-dealbreakers, like you said, she's smart, so she would have weighed all that. She wouldn't just do what B wanted her to do if she didn't agree with at least SOME of it herself.

 

There's no magic wand to get a person back once they have decided it wasn't right for them. Men will often come back for sex, but women, once they lose that feeling about someone, lose trust, lose attraction, feel they are not respected or any combination of those, even if you do get them to try again, it's never the same because women need all that trust and attraction and respect or they can't get back that feeling they had when things were new and you were both so hopeful that things would be right.

 

It is a helpless feeling, but the wheel has turned. Things never go back to how they used to be once the relationship has somehow been tainted or simply that two people got to know each other long enough that the illusion breaks down and they see something in the person that isn't what they identify as "the one."

 

Once someone has made clear they do not want to talk, you have to leave them alone. If you respect their wish, then they may feel a little more at ease in time. But if you make them nervous because you're persistent, they see that as disrespect for what they want or need.

 

The other thing about continuing to try to go back is that it always makes you look weaker in their eyes. Makes you look desperate, needy. Women don't like that look on a man. So it's best not to humiliate yourself further. It would be best to realize she's only one woman on this earth of a billion women and to put your hook back in the water carefully and wade back in to dating.

 

We sometimes make the mistake of thinking that everyone thinks and processes things like we do. So like, if you were her, you'd realize how much you were loved and come back. But that's you. That's not her. She may be thinking totally differently: If he ever cared about me, he'd let it go. You just don't know and can't assume.

 

Try to just calm down and think about things slowly that you hear on this forum. It's true you have much more info than anyone else here, but a lot of us have dealt with similar problems and so even if the advice doesn't always fit like a shoe, likely if you just keep it in mind, some of it may ring true in your situation.

 

What a beautiful reply ..well first of all let me get something clear ...Um It's been almost one year since I reached out to her .So I don't think that makes me persistent to her ..Do you agree to that?

 

Second of all ..In that year I had 5 more women in my life ..4 of them was just sex or friends with benefits and the last one was an actuall relationship that I broke because of A ...So no ..I don't think the problem here is sex or whatever ..I think it's much more deeper than that

[d0nnivain]

First I am a woman & so is preraph.

 

Second, you being with 5 other women since you & A broke up may actually work against you. A may see that as you moving on too quickly or as a symptom of you being able to commit.

 

When somebody goes through all the trouble to block you "everywhere" that is generally a good indication that they are well & truly you done.

 

I will give you one suggestion. It's a tried & true cliché but you can try it as a "Hail Mary". Send her flowers through a florist with an apology & a request that you two try again. It's probably a waste of money but it's also most likely an avenue that you have not been blocked from. Include your phone #. She most likely discarded it. If you don't get a positive response from the flowers yet chose to persist, there is a real possibility she will file harassment charges against you.

[preraph]

What a beautiful reply ..well first of all let me get something clear ...Um It's been almost one year since I reached out to her .So I don't think that makes me persistent to her ..Do you agree to that?

 

Second of all ..In that year I had 5 more women in my life ..4 of them was just sex or friends with benefits and the last one was an actuall relationship that I broke because of A ...So no ..I don't think the problem here is sex or whatever ..I think it's much more deeper than that

 

That's good. It shows you can move on.

 

Now, has she told you not to contact her anymore? Just think back to what she's said. Because if she's told you to leave her alone in so many words, then the ball is in her court to reach out if she ever has second thoughts.

[The Outlaw]

Her 'friend' must have been jealous of you two hence what she did. You can try to contact her again if you wish, but if the break up was a really bad one, don't expect results. And it would be harder to revive with her friend in the picture. Good luck.