TheGreatDivide Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 (edited) Hey all. I haven't posted in quite some time. But, as the title suggests, I'm struggling dealing with the fact that I'm about to lose my Dad. He was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer one and a half years ago. After the initial diagnosis, the cancer eventually spread throughout his body, and despite numerous surgeries to remove the tumors (some operations were nearly fatal) and going through Chemo, the doctors found that the cancer had become stage 4 which is incurable.. Terminal. He was given 3-6 months left to live. That was 3 months ago. He's been complaining of pain in the past few weeks (in his abdomen where most of the cancer is), in addition to being overly fatigued, struggling to eat and losing weight. His doctor informed us, today, that the cancer has now spread to his nervous system which in addition to the aforementioned symptoms, means he's in the final stages of his life. I'm still a young man. Only 27. Aside from the obvious pain of realizing that my Dad is about to pass, it's really difficult for me to accept that he won't be around to attend important life events in the future. That he won't be there at my wedding. That he won't meet my future wife. That my future children won't know their grandfather. That they won't be able to meet the gracious, funny, smart, incredibly kind and loving man my Dad is. That I won't be able to ask him for advice on being a parent. That he won't be there for holidays. That I won't be able to just talk to him about any particular interest we both share. And, as silly as this sounds, that we won't be able to watch our favorite football team on Sunday's anymore. The latter really pains me. I honestly don't know how I'll be able to enjoy watching them anymore. (Out of his 5 children, I'm the only one who shares his same passion for sports and who enjoys watching them with him.) I've done my best to hide my grief from him, and to just enjoy our time together. He is the one at the end of his life after all. I have the rest of my life to grieve for him. I guess, I just needed to write this out and, if you all don't mind, I'd like to get the communities thoughts on how to cope, the various grief stages and how you guys dealt with a situation like this overall. Thank you very much for reading. Edited May 8, 2019 by TheGreatDivide Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 I’m so sorry. Watching our parents as they are dying is a very hard thing to do. About the only thing that’s going to bring you comfort is knowing he’s not in pain anymore. At least that’s how it was for me because the loss was just too great. In time I hope you’ll watch sports and enjoy them again. I think it would be a great honor to your dad to get to that place again since it’s such a big part of his life. xo Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 Hugs. Death unfortunately is a part of life. The only silver lining in your situation is that you will have a chance to say good-bye as opposed to somebody who suffers a sudden loss from say an accident. I lost my parents when I was in my mid 40s. Age doesn't make it easier. I was there at the hospital bed side for them both. I advocated for them & assured they had dignity up until the end. I honored their final wishes. Those things have given me comfort as the years passed. On the practical side, make sure things are in order. Ask about what your dad wants for his funeral, make sure you know where the will is, make sure you have the money to pay for his final expenses, etc. But do talk to him as much as you can. It's OK to tell him how upset you are. It's not like he thinks this is a picnic for you. Sick people often get comfort knowing they can do something to ease a loved one's suffering. Tell him "funny" things like how you expect that he will be able to guide your favorite team's ball through the goal from beyond from now on. Instead of focusing on how much you miss him, cherish that sports team as a reminder of how much you shared. I do get it. I still can't bring myself to sit in my parents' "seats" at their club where I am also a member. I turned back to my faith for comfort. It really helped. Try it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 seek comfort and understanding in your faith and create strong bonds with your siblings and other relatives Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 My dad dropped dead at a young age with no notice. I’m still in my mid twenties and didn’t get to say goodbye. He didn’t leave a will or anything written down about his wishes. You’ve been given the gift of time with your father. Take it and honor him everyday. You have to experience loss to appreciate all the good in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
nolanola Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 Your post really affected me. My Dad has cancer too that is stage 4. I am extremely close to my Dad and the thought of him not being here is crushing. We all know that our parents should pass before us, that is the nature of life. But when the time is here it is no easier to deal with realizing this. The only thing I keep thinking is "I'm not ready". I wish I had something magical to tell you to make the hurt less. I'm so sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 I’m so sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Continue sharing your love and memories with him as long as you can. Those will be comforting to you for the rest of your life and something you'll talk about with your children in the future. We're never ready to lose our parents, but when we've had wonderful loving relationships we can be truly grateful for the time we had together. Link to post Share on other sites
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