My fiance searched sexual half naked Instagram models while I was in the shower.

[elaine567]

Yes she had good self esteem but now due to his continued habit of looking at/interacting with naked Instagram models her self esteem has been dealt a big blow.

It happens a lot.

It has made her view this man differently, it is not a good thing.

She cannot just magic up some self esteem, as she knows she cannot compete with these other women.

They are not some unknown, unavailable pin ups, they are only a message away...

[thefooloftheyear]

Its threads like these that demonstrate how some women self sabotage their own relationships, mostly because they seek some idealized version of a man that frankly doesn't exist in the type of numbers for everyone to be happy...

 

They'll say stuff like..."where are all the nice guys?", yet when a guy shows that side he's a weakling and a pushover..

 

Same with this stuff...

 

They say.."I want a guy with a high drive, because I really enjoy sex and want the same in a partner".....Yet they get bent up because that 'high drive" guy actually likes to casually view some sexy women on the net...Or they get the guy that isn't checking out those women, yet also is a dud in bed because the reason he isn't interested in checking out these women is also the same reasons he isn't all that interested in sex...

 

TFY

[elaine567]

I guess most women do not want the high drive guy continually checking out other women, nor do they want the low drive guy who has no interest.

Happy medium is the key.

 

Also a nice guy is not a weakling or a pushover, that is not what women mean by a nice guy.

[Gaeta]

Yes she had good self esteem but now due to his continued habit of looking at/interacting with naked Instagram models her self esteem has been dealt a big blow.

OP would have to give us details on how often he looks at those. I was not under the impression it was 'constantly'.

 

She cannot just magic up some self esteem, as she knows she cannot compete with these other women.

Why does she make it a competition? When my bf looks at porn I don't care what these women look like, he's with me because he finds me attractive and I rock his boat, if I was not attractive to him he would be dating someone else.

 

 

 

They are not some unknown, unavailable pin ups, they are only a message away...

Again, that is not what I understood. I thought he was following Instagram-models. Unless they're prostitutes I doubt these girls are there to find hook-ups. It's the way they earn a living, they have spounsers and each 5000 followers earns them a nice paycheck.

[Acacia98]

Is NOT overweight! You know nothing of her age, and her bone structure, and her muscle mass. I am 5'3 as well and at 65KG I wore a size 7 and ran 5 km a day. You've got to becareful before body-shaming someone.

 

Thank you for saying this.

[Acacia98]

I understand this is a sensitive issue, but there’re standard guidelines

 

They are guidelines.

And like all other guidelines, they have their limitations and exceptions. The human body is complex.

 

I don't think any of us knows enough details about her to decide that she actually needs to lose weight. These things can be more complicated than just looking at a table and assigning a label to a particular number. Bone mass does factor in, ditto muscle.

 

I knew a couple of healthy people whose doctors pushed them to lose weight because of their BMIs. The effort to lose weight to "acceptable levels" actually went against the way their bodies functioned. They ended up developing health issues they hadn't previously had.

[elaine567]

Why does she make it a competition? When my bf looks at porn I don't care what these women look like, he's with me because he finds me attractive and I rock his boat, if I was not attractive to him he would be dating someone else.

 

It is a competition because she is a young women "competing" with other young women, she wants to be seen as someone he finds very attractive, not an "also ran" compared to these other women. She doesn't want to feel he has settled...

 

Once one accepts there is no competition, that the battle is lost, then maybe it is OK for a man to be lusting over other better looking, more attractive, younger women... maybe that is how it works?

[Acacia98]

I just get scared hes going to cheat, if hes actively searching others girls I'm clearly not enough..

I need some perspective on this, am I over reacting or should I be worried?

 

I don't know anything about Instagram models (I'm not on Instagram). But I do know that looking at porn is a pretty standard and even normal aspect of the sex lives of many men and women. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not enough for him. And it doesn't necessarily mean he's going to cheat. For many people, it's about spicing up the fantasy part of their sex lives, kinda similar to reading an erotic novel...

 

Of course, there are situations where a guy's porn habit is harmful to him and to the woman in his life. I think whether it's a bad thing ultimately has to be decided on a case-by-case basis.

[Gaeta]

It is a competition because she is a young women "competing" with other young women, she wants to be seen as someone he finds very attractive, not an "also ran" compared to these other women. She doesn't want to feel he has settled...

It has nothing to do with her boyfriend eying other women in real life. This is about looking at sexy or naked pictures. Why should she feel these Photoshop women are a competition to her?

 

Once one accepts there is no competition, that the battle is lost, then maybe it is OK for a man to be lusting over other better looking, more attractive, younger women... maybe that is how it works?

I don't feel a young woman on a porn video is a competition because she is an actress, she's a fantasy, and as soon as the video is off she's out of his mind. I am a huge fan of Liam Neeson, he's like my perfect man. I don't see the difference. When I see Liam Neeson on tv I am all WOOHOO! when he disappears I forget about him. should my boyfriend be worry?

[elaine567]

Who cares about Liam Neeson he is no threat to your bf, he is firmly in the fantasy box.

BUT these Instagram "models" may be right in the OPs town, that is where the difference lies..

Real women and easily contactable, posting sexy selfies to attract men on social media.

[Gaeta]

Who cares about Liam Neeson he is no threat to your bf, he is firmly in the fantasy box.

BUT these Instagram "models" may be right in the OPs town, that is where the difference lies..

Real women and easily contactable, posting sexy selfies to attract men on social media.

 

 

This is where you are wrong. These Instagram models are in the fantasy box as well. Look it up, like I said they have publicity spounser, they earn money with how many men follow them, I am sure her instagram-message box is deactivated otherwise she'd be bombarded and bombarded by thousands of men. OP's bf is a drop in an ocean of horny men following them.

[Gretchen12]

Is NOT overweight! You know nothing of her age, and her bone structure, and her muscle mass. I am 5'3 as well and at 65KG I wore a size 7 and ran 5 km a day. You've got to becareful before body-shaming someone.

 

There is no shame. Why do you feel shame?

[Veronica73]

Good lord. She doesn’t. Why are you harping on about people’s weight?

[elaine567]

This is where you are wrong. These Instagram models are in the fantasy box as well. Look it up, like I said they have publicity spounser, they earn money with how many men follow them, I am sure her instagram-message box is deactivated otherwise she'd be bombarded and bombarded by thousands of men. OP's bf is a drop in an ocean of horny men following them.

Anyone can open an IG account and start posting pics and if good enough, attractive enough, interesting enough, sexy enough, they get a following.

Yes some of them are professional models and are famous, some are just amateurs who have managed to get sponsors and are now making money but some of them are ordinary girls just hoping for that fame.

[Veronica73]

Yeah, I wouldn’t count Instagram models as just fantasy. I personally know someone who makes money on Instagram in a similar way. They are way more accessible than say... a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.

[Shining One]

They are way more accessible than say... a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.

Define accessible. Has she actually hooked up with any of her followers who reached out to her through Instagram?

[Veronica73]

Define accessible. Has she actually hooked up with any of her followers who reached out to her through Instagram?

 

No idea. None of my business. But she messages with them.

 

Edit: seriously... a lot of these people are not hanging out with a-list celebrities. They are normal people who are more attractive than average and figured out how to make a buck off of it.

Edited May 10, 2019 by Veronica73

[Gaeta]

Then, if these women are accessible I would find it unacceptable from a boyfriend to follow them. Then it would be the same as looking at women on a hookup website.

[preraph]

Yes at least part of the time he is thinking of them when he having sex with you and he's also using them for masturbation.

 

I wouldn't like it either but if everything else is good in the relationship except that he just blatantly lied to you, I wouldn't necessarily dump him over it. But in my opinion he should not be liking and talking to any of those women. if all he would do is look at them I might overlook it but only if he didn't start to get discontent with the way you look or expecting you to perform like a pornstar or something like that. you definitely have to talk to him about it and maybe you can compromise and say fine you can look at them but you cannot interact in any way or I can't marry you.

[thefooloftheyear]

Guys spend untold hours ogling hot sportscars and pleasure boats, etc...

 

It has no bearing on what they will actually do...Sure, I get it, those are inanimate objects and people aren't....But the theory is the same...

 

And I think we all know that a guy that likes to view online photos of Denise Milani or some other hot internet model, isn't the same as Mary, the attention whore who lives up the street and gets her rocks off on getting guys to message her and tell her how nice her ass is...Nor is it ok for that guy to be the one messaging, if he's in a committed relationship...

 

I know women by the millions love to view shows like the Bachelor and dream that they are the one to be picked by the handsome wealthy bachelor...Its not as common or as maybe seedy, but its the same crap really...

 

TFY

[preraph]

Yeah, he's trying to interact with them, probably doing some sexting or something.

[Shining One]

Yeah, he's trying to interact with them, probably doing some sexting or something.

Wouldn't the OP have discovered this when she snooped through his phone? She said he was searching and liking photos, not messaging.

[preraph]

You can flirt via all those formats, though. And you have to consider what type women post that crap to begin with. They may be trying to sell sex or just be hookups. So it's high risk in that regard. They either love attention from anyone or they're sex workers, which basically leads to no good either way.

[Gaeta]

Yesat least part of the time he is thinking of them when he having sex with youand he's also using them for masturbation.

How do you know that?

[Gaeta]

Yeah, he's trying to interact with them, probably doing some sexting or something.

..and how do you know that.