Our connection was unreal! But the breakup!

[Ammy7758]

So I met this guy on a dating site shortly after coming out of a brief relationship I left the dating site as in the most non big headed way I was overwhelmed but he kept messaging me on my social media, he became really good friend and we spoke of all sorts and text eachother 24/7.

 

I really didn’t find him attractive at all but how similar we were shocked me we had the same sense of humour. We both agreed we connected so well and we were the same person. He had been single for six years which was a massive shock for me , he said he started to develop feelings and that he may be falling in love with me , we text about marriage kids all sorts I started to really like him one night we spent 5 hours on the phone to eachother!!! . If i didn’t reply to his texts he would send about 8 in a row until I did . I am going to Ibiza with my friends and he booked the exact same flight and hotel with his friends which shocked me a bit but at the time i thought wow he must like me !

 

I was nervous to meet him because I do modelling a lot of my social media is of my magazine shoots and I thought what If he does not fancy me in person but after four months of talking we met up and slept together after that it seemed it was a bit weird for a few days I don’t know why we both felt awkward . Then he said some weird things like he knows I used to text men same time as him (I did at the beginning as meeting on a dating site assumed he did the same) and I should go meet other men and he will still be my friend.

 

So we had a bit of a falling out he said some nasty things like I looked like **** when he saw me and should make more of an effort I’m a sl.ut etc . After our fall out I did meet someone else for a drink on his advice , he quickly then came back onto me and asked me to meet him again and we both agreed to stop talking to other people until we had spent a weekend together , we then got back texting and calling loads and I mean 24/7. I met him a few weeks after again and spent weekend with him.

 

After that weekend the following day I went to afternoon tea with my mum and he rang me constantly like show me who your with send me a picture I was like no it’s my mum and we got in a nasty fight . Day after that I went to a concert with my friends in London and he said he knew I’d run off to London as I’m a slut and he called me vile names rang me screaming at me Saïd about me texting men and the drink I went on with that guy and im so untrustworthy he’d never be with someone like me - we agreed to cut ties I was in tears with his harsh words.

 

The week after cutting ties he text me some small talk about me when we both go Ibiza same time and I caved and told him how much I missed him etc he kinda enjoyed it and said it’s a mature decision I don’t follow him on social media as I wouldn’t want to see it. That hurt me so much so I told him to just stop speaking to me. Week after that he sent me a picture of a film we watched together, I ignored it, week after that he sent me a text message at 2am but then deleted it before I got to read it so I messaged him back asking what he had sent as it bothered me and he never replied and that was three weeks ago I haven’t heard from him since .

 

I’m devastated we spoke every second of the day it’s a major loss and void. My friends tell me his since back on dating sites which is tearing me in bits. Our connection was unreal! Any advice to get over this would be great!!!!

 

(I’ve since changed my flights to Ibiza to week after unbeknown to him he will still expect me to be out there same time in June) He is 8 years older than me . I’m 30 .

Edited May 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs, please use them

[Redhead14]

Seriously???? You're devastated? Paleeze.

[Ammy7758]

Thanks for your reply joined here for support and well yeah! Thanks

Edited May 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed quote, added descriptive title and moved to BBU

[d0nnivain]

To get over this go back & re read what you posted. This man who you hardly know EMOTIONALLY ABUSED You the 1st time you met him. Yet you slept with him anyway?!!!! WTF is wrong with your self esteem? You don't seem to have any. Fix that! You may be a beautiful model but apparently you don't believe in yourself. The fact that this man is still in your life & you are still hung up on him breaks my heart. You need to talk to a therapist to find out why you can't recognize how absolutely horrible this guy is. Run, don't walk, to your nearest mental health profession.

 

The minute some guy calls you the S word you get the hell out there & never ever speak to him again!!!! You don't stick around & let him call you this repeatedly.

[Redhead14]

OP, you need to "grow a set" and start walking away from people who treat you this way. There was an unreal connection because it was all in YOUR head. C'mon! No self-respecting woman would tolerate this from a man once let alone several times and from one she's just met! Calling you a sl*t constitutes an unreal connection?????? You shouldn't be dating men until you get a grip on your self-esteem. If you're lonely, get a dog and then start getting involved in some social activities and make some new friends that you can talk to so that texting men you've only met once and slept with isn't your main source of entertainment.

 

You got what's called pumped and dumped, aka, a one-night stand. You gotta get thick skin when you sleep with men the first time you meet them. I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, especially very early, they should assume it will be a one-night stand unless he shows her otherwise by maintaining contact and seeing her. This guy didn't do that. You chased him like a lovesick teenager . This guy is also a giant jerk and you're probably lucky that this turned out the way it did and you didn't get hurt. Being alone with strange men is a safety issue too. You dodged a bullet, I'd say.

Edited May 12, 2019 by Redhead14

[Foxhall]

hmmn something of a shocker really,

 

 

reading the like of this, I feel quite happy to say I have always treated any woman very well, be it previous girlfriends/ one off dates or whatever,

 

 

the curious thing is despite the callous lack of respect he showed you, you are still pining after him and would actually agree to meeting him again??

surely this barraging you with texts also would have raised a red flag initially.

 

 

I guess you are thinking about the amount of texttime and supposed connection and so on and that there must be something there and you are prepared to overlook him insulting you,

 

 

there is the key thing- you never let anyone in life insult you like that and get away with it- allow them to do it again-

 

 

you are better than that,

 

 

"fool me once shame on you- fool me twice shame on me"

[stillafool]

Seems like I read this thread the other day. You are talking about a great connection with a guy who tells you you look like s---, calls you a s---, and other vile names? Please raise your self esteem.

[Mailyn22]

Hi ,

 

It sounds like he’s extremely controlling. No matter how amazing the connection was, the reality is that you cannot be with someone like this. It will never work out. I want you to know that I was once with an ex who was my best friend, Amazing connection (3 years together). However in the end, he was too controlling and it was affecting my life. And it got worse with Time. After I broke up with him he tried to reach out several times, and there was times in which I did respond, but he never changed. Still remained controlling. People do not change. It’s going to hurt for a while to get over him, but you will get over it ! I was sad but eventually went out and dated other people. He never crosses my mind now

[ExpatInItaly]

I really didn’t find him attractive at all but how similar we were shocked me we had the same sense of humour. We both agreed we connected so well and we were the same person. He had been single for six years which was a massive shock for me , he said he started to develop feelings and that he may be falling in love with me , we text about marriage kids all sorts I started to really like him one night we spent 5 hours on the phone to eachother!!! . If i didn’t reply to his texts he would send about 8 in a row until I did . I am going to Ibiza with my friends and he booked the exact same flight and hotel with his friends which shocked me a bit but at the time i thought wow he must like me !

 

You totally misinterpreted his behaviour with you. It is not a sign that he really likes you. It's a sign he is controlling and obsessive.

 

He proceeds to call you names and emotionally abuse you, manipulating you into doing backflips to reassure him you're not talking to other men. All of this from a man you barely know. What, exactly, is "unreal" about this connection? This man is a walking red flag. That sort of behaviour tends to worsen over time, as it did with you.

 

Work on your self-respect so you never fall prey to a jerk like this again. Do not go back with him, or he will destroy what remains of your self-esteem.

[anika99]

He had been single for six years which was a massive shock for me

 

Are you still shocked that this abusive pos has been single for a long time? He's single because no woman with any standards will put up with his outrageous abusive behaviour.

 

And you feel a void? Why? Do you have a need to be degraded and abused?

 

You mistakenly though his relentless attention was romantic interest when in fact it was just a crazy guy acting on his controlling impulses. Your amazing connection with him wasn't real. He was just a creep, pretending to be someone you would fall for.

[spiderowl]

He paid you a lot of attention; that is why you are missing him.

 

Paying someone a lot of attention is not the same as caring about them. In fact, he was controlling and abusive. How can you even consider being with him after he called you a slut? What kind of guy does that?

 

I wonder if you are used to being treated badly and insulted? Most people would not accept his behaviour but if you have been abused in the past, it may seem more 'normal' to you.

 

Please make sure you dump this guy. You deserve so much better. I suggest you make a list of all the ways in which you would like a guy to behave towards you (I am assuming here that you would not put 'I'd like him to be abusive towards me' on the list). Put all the good things down. Now, whenever you meet a guy, see if he treats you well, like on your list. If he doesn't, then he probably doesn't meet the standards you need.

 

Whatever you like in a guy, please never accept abuse and insults A guy should not be asking where you were or who with and accusing you of anything. This guy knows you are letting him control you; he will try again. Be ready this time and dump him. Keep yourself safe. I hope he does not know where you live. Re-arranging your holiday so you are not on holiday when he is sounds a great idea! Sounds like you are taking control of your life back from this dodgy guy.

[Ammy7758]

He paid you a lot of attention; that is why you are missing him.

 

Paying someone a lot of attention is not the same as caring about them. In fact, he was controlling and abusive. How can you even consider being with him after he called you a slut? What kind of guy does that?

 

I wonder if you are used to being treated badly and insulted? Most people would not accept his behaviour but if you have been abused in the past, it may seem more 'normal' to you.

 

Please make sure you dump this guy. You deserve so much better. I suggest you make a list of all the ways in which you would like a guy to behave towards you (I am assuming here that you would not put 'I'd like him to be abusive towards me' on the list). Put all the good things down. Now, whenever you meet a guy, see if he treats you well, like on your list. If he doesn't, then he probably doesn't meet the standards you need.

 

Whatever you like in a guy, please never accept abuse and insults A guy should not be asking where you were or who with and accusing you of anything. This guy knows you are letting him control you; he will try again. Be ready this time and dump him. Keep yourself safe. I hope he does not know where you live. Re-arranging your holiday so you are not on holiday when he is sounds a great idea! Sounds like you are taking control of your life back from this dodgy guy.

 

 

 

Thank you all for your responses , I think it was the sheer amount we told eachother we had been the same places same time it was just really weird I can’t help but hurt that his now on dating sites I can’t help it but I also know his wrong for me and I’m hoping as time goes on il realise how much of an idiot he is. We haven’t had any contact for three weeks so I am confident I won’t hear from him again which is helping . (I can’t block him as I deleted his number from my phone and don’t know it off my heart to re add and block) trust me I appreciate all these messages . I was in a 12 year relationship with a good man before him and then a few little relationships after and I’ve never felt so attached to someone it really sucks .