Should someone speak up?

[MsJayne]

Situation: Couple have been married for over 20 years. He already had an established business when he met her, he has always provided well, she has never had to work other than a couple of hours doing the bookkeeping for his business since they married. The wife, who manages all the household finances as well, has told the husband, who doesn't ever question her, that he needs to keep working to meet their retirement goals. He is now past retirement age, and wants to retire as soon as possible. Wife has confided to others that they have plenty of money, and the real reason she tells him he has to keep working is that she doesn't want him around because he gets on her nerves, (his business is several hours drive away from their home so he rents an apartment where he stays during the week). So basically, she gets to live in the big house that they bought for their retirement while he keeps working and spending four nights a week in a pokey apartment living off take away and microwave meals.

The Issue: I was disbelieving when my friend, (the wife's mother), told me about this. The idea that this woman is lying to her husband, (who has given her a VERY easy life), in order to not have to spend time with him, just appalls me. I would want to throttle someone if I found out they had done this to me, (effectively stolen my younger retirement years), so I said so to my friend, and I also said that I thought she should either confront her daughter or just tell her son-in-law. My friend thinks it's not really her business. I agree it's not really her business, but I also think this is such a vile thing to do to someone that to stand by and keep quiet is almost as bad as what the daughter's doing.

So, should the mother keep quiet, or should she intervene?

[Dandelioness]

I'm going to guess the husband finds his wife equally as annoying and would rather spend some nights hours away then be forced to split his assets and pay spousal support. He may even have himself a companion. Who knows.

 

Don't meddle with what you don't know. I don't doubt there's more to this story and perhaps they've both accepted their reality.

 

Why damage a relationship between a mother and her daughter? Sad, yes.. Stay out of it.

[d0nnivain]

If the husband has run a successful business all these years, knows how much money they have. He is not stupid. He could look at the financial statements if he chose to.

 

Leave them to their blissful "ignorance."

[elaine567]

As people age it is not uncommon for them to need "space" in their marriage. He may be perfectly happy living a "single life" for 4 days a week. he may have a "friend" to share that with, or he may just love having the remote all to himself... Who knows?

He is a grown up man, not a child. He ran his own business before he met her, he is no "innocent", I am sure he could retire tomorrow if he wanted, obviously he just doesn't want to.

Best to let sleeping dogs lie.

[stillafool]

It's their business and it's best to stay out of it.

[Mr. Lucky]

The idea that this woman is lying to her husband, (who has given her a VERY easy life)

 

You were there when the business was grown? You know everything about the wife's role? Do they have kids?

 

I've been fortunate to be successful in business, could never have done it without my wife's encouragement and support on the homefront with our children.

 

Your view that's he's solely responsible for the success of the company is one-sided and most likely misinformed. Not your concern...

 

Mr. Lucky

[littleblackheart]

If anyone had to speak up, it would be to the wife's mother (your friend) to stop airing her daughter's business to one and all.

[anika99]

I'm thinking your friend doesn't really know what she's talking about. Perhaps her daughter said something along those line in a tongue and cheek way and her mother took it seriously. Sometimes people who have been married a long time make those kind of jokes.

 

I find it a little hard to believe that a man who built his own successful business has no idea how much money he has or what he has in his bank accounts or savings plans. Since this gossip came from neither the husband or the wife, you really have no idea of what is going on in that couples marriage or finances.

[vla1120]

Everyone already replied every one of my thoughts - he's not dumb. He probably thinks she's as annoying as she thinks he is, so he'd rather go to work every day. The more egregious act, IMO, is the mother telling everyone her daughter's business.