How and where you can find someone who will listen?

[Springsummer]

how often do you find yourself want to 'cry'? and do you have a shoulder to cry on?

 

Do you have people in your life that you can count on who will just listen to you and give you words of wisdom or just be patient with you?

 

I used to have some friends, but I doubt any one will really want to listen to me. Now few 'friends' I have that I am sure don't want to listen to me.

 

I long to have someone in real life who will just rent a sympathetic ear. How and where I can find such person? a couple of persons I am chatty with at lunch, but it's not appropriate to expose too personal issue and deepest fears.

 

maybe no one really like whiny people? heck, even paid counselors have no patient for my issues. but I am really often deeply bothered by various issues. What should I do?

 

Thankful for this platform...

[Springsummer]

One person I met who I know I can talk to and count on her very high EQ. too bad, shortly we met, she went to Germany with her hubby. and now I accidentally delete my Facebook, I lost her permanently.

 

why I almost always made friends who will eventually leave this city? like everyone left.

[Mr. Lucky]

a couple of persons I am chatty with at lunch, but it's not appropriate to expose too personal issue and deepest fears.

 

Do NOT air your problems out at work. Way too much downside.

 

The counselors I've spoken to have been caring and non-judgmental, it may simply be you haven't found the right one yet. If your issues profoundly affect your life, you should speak to a professional...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Springsummer]

Do NOT air your problems out at work. Way too much downside.

 

The counselors I've spoken to have been caring and non-judgmental, it may simply be you haven't found the right one yet. If your issues profoundly affect your life, you should speak to a professional...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Thanks for the reminder.

She is not in the same team as me. We speak the same language, so it's more like personal friend and she is a very prudent person. If I air my problem to her it will only make me look bad to her though. but definitely should not talk too personal with her.

guess, I should ask a general medical doctor to refer me to a real shrink. that will cost real money though. Counselor are free through work.

[basil67]

If by a "real shrink" you mean a psychiatrist, they don't listen to problems. They diagnose mental health conditions and prescribe medication...though if you think you do have a mental health condition, then it's not a bad thing to do. Another option is a psychologist if you can get one.

 

As far as having friends to share with, there's a limit as to what we can share without sending our friends batty. As much as they may want to help, they won't have the tools to deal with another persons issues if it's extensive. One of my friends shares issues in her life with me, but her therapist gets the heavy load. This is sustainable. Another friend started messaging me every evening to discuss her issues. As much as I wanted to be there for her, it was more than I could take on - I started to turn off my phone alert or by 'unavailable' when she'd message.

[Happy Lemming]

Can you journal some of the things that make you sad and want to cry?? Specific items?? Sometimes just writing these thoughts, issues, problems down helps a bit.

 

Is there anything specific you want to throw out there?? A lot of caring and helpful people on LS... maybe we can help?

[BaileyB]

Indeed. Although I feel blessed to have many friends in my life who are more than willing to offer a listening ear or some support when needed, there is a limit to how much people are willing to listen...

 

Be careful when you attempt to form friendships that you don’t see them as people on whom you can dump all your problems and opinions... friendship doesn’t work that way. You would be better served to write your thoughts in a journal and find a good counsellor.

[snowcones]

This is why people pay therapists.

[d0nnivain]

I have a few people I can talk to about some stuff but I have a tendency to bottle up all the really Big stuff. For that I pay a therapist . . . no judgment & you don't have to reciprocate & listen to their stuff.

 

If you want a good friend who listens, the 1st step is you have to BE a good friend who listens.

[thefooloftheyear]

IME, most women have a network of other women that will listen to their issues/problems, but as Basil stated even that has a limit...

 

No one wants to be around a perpetual wet blanket kind of person...It will wear most people down over time..

 

At the end of the day, its really in your own hands...Try to find the things that bring you some peace and balance in your life...I can mention the usual stuff like exercise or meditation/yoga etc.., eating right, avoiding drugs, alcohol, or medications that may be compounding your issues., staying as occupied and busy as possible..The list of items is long, you need to find the right combination..

 

As with many things in life, be it romance, career, happiness, etc, if you depend on others for this it can be good but there are no guarantees....Usually it all comes down to you...

 

Good luck

 

TFY

[Veronica73]

A therapist is probably the best person for listening. Friends and family have a limited amount of patience. You pay a therapist so you can be as selfish as you want without reciprocating. Plus they are trained to be helpful and probably won’t gossip about you.

[preraph]

Look online for groups. There might be a group for whatever problems you're having that gets together and takes turns talking.

[Foxhall]

how often do you find yourself want to 'cry'? and do you have a shoulder to cry on?

 

Do you have people in your life that you can count on who will just listen to you and give you words of wisdom or just be patient with you?

 

I used to have some friends, but I doubt any one will really want to listen to me. Now few 'friends' I have that I am sure don't want to listen to me.

 

I long to have someone in real life who will just rent a sympathetic ear. How and where I can find such person? a couple of persons I am chatty with at lunch, but it's not appropriate to expose too personal issue and deepest fears.

 

maybe no one really like whiny people? heck, even paid counselors have no patient for my issues. but I am really often deeply bothered by various issues. What should I do?

 

Thankful for this platform...

 

 

 

 

I have many shortcomings but if you were to ask me what is my strength?

I would probably answer, well being the type of person that you are looking for there.

 

 

so if I feel that way I am sure there are many more people out there who will be willing to help you,

 

 

perhaps a life coach or something would be a good place to start with.

[Springsummer]

Thanks everyone for your inputs.

 

Today I ran into a someone at lunch time at a summit. She is the same age and same situation as me, single and childless. We have known each other for a while, but not close.

 

I asked her if she using dating apps, she said no. I said why? she said if God wants her to have someone, he will send her one. I also carefully asked her if she is bothered being single and no child. She said she is quite content with her situation. Having a child will just bring another person to suffer in this world and at her age it is better to live alone that with someone.

 

Here we go, what really bothered me may not bother someone else at all. I often feeling heavy with what should I have done or should not have done or what should I do? I have lots of regrets. To her, it's all God's will.

 

I guess when you are true believer, you have achieved nirvana. There isn't an issue in the world that will bother you. It's all God. She said her life meaning and purpose is to live for God. uh?

 

Maybe God is the best psychologist? but I have questioning the existence of God, maybe I write down my questions and see if she can answer my questions.

[amaysngrace]

God is a good answer. I don’t know how people without faith cope through bad times, especially death of a loved one.

 

Why are you going to ask her questions about God? That’s a journey you should take on your own. It’s a personal relationship.

[Happy Lemming]

She is the same age and same situation as me, single and childless.

 

If you don't want to be single and childless, then you are going to have to take a proactive stance toward finding someone. That includes talking to people and introducing yourself. No guy is going to come knock on your door and sweep you off your feet.

 

There are plenty of avenues available for meeting people. Although, I had bad luck with my brief exposure to on-line dating, it may work for you. I prefer to meet people in "real life".

 

Either way if you want things to change, you are going to have to make them change.

[d0nnivain]

Maybe God is the best psychologist? but I have questioning the existence of God, maybe I write down my questions and see if she can answer my questions.

 

I have recently rediscovered my faith & it has been a tremendous blessing. I feel more at peace then I have in 30 years. God is definitely an answer but you have to be open to it.

 

The same things do not bother everyone. You feel like something is wrong in your situation. Your acquaintance is at peace in the same situation. If you can accept your situation, fine. If you can't then take steps to change it.

[chillii]

Thanks everyone for your inputs.

 

Today I ran into a someone at lunch time at a summit. She is the same age and same situation as me, single and childless. We have known each other for a while, but not close.

 

I asked her if she using dating apps, she said no. I said why? she said if God wants her to have someone, he will send her one. I also carefully asked her if she is bothered being single and no child. She said she is quite content with her situation. Having a child will just bring another person to suffer in this world and at her age it is better to live alone that with someone.

 

Here we go, what really bothered me may not bother someone else at all. I often feeling heavy with what should I have done or should not have done or what should I do? I have lots of regrets. To her, it's all God's will.

 

I guess when you are true believer, you have achieved nirvana. There isn't an issue in the world that will bother you. It's all God. She said her life meaning and purpose is to live for God. uh?

 

Maybe God is the best psychologist? but I have questioning the existence of God, maybe I write down my questions and see if she can answer my questions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

l actually thought the same about date sites , the whole thing just seems so forced and unnatural. But l did join one for awhile back in the day.

[schlumpy]

how often do you find yourself want to 'cry'? and do you have a shoulder to cry on?

 

Do you have people in your life that you can count on who will just listen to you and give you words of wisdom or just be patient with you?

 

 

Too often it's been me, myself and I.

[todreaminblue]

schlumpy wrote it has been me myself and i ....

 

when i read your opening [post op that's the first thing that popped into my head was that song by beyonce about being her own best friend in the end....

 

Me, myself, and I

That's all I got in the end

That's what I found out

And it ain't no need to cry

I took a vow that from now on, I'm gonna be my own best friend

 

 

when i was looking up the lyrics there are so many songs with those lyrics about me myself and i so many song writers have written about me myself and i.....which makes me think there are a lot of multiple personalities walking around,more than i thought there was....;0)

 

in saying that you have your own in built best friend...god is with you always.....he knows you better than anyone else can ..he knows your mind your heart your weaknesses and he loves you regardless...he aches for you to talk to him..actually aches.....he waits ever patient.....unlike us human who basically want immediate gratification for our devotion....he is patience and love personifed...

 

do some soul searching and you will become what you seek.....a best friend to yourself and a best friend to others that will feel blessed to have you in their lives....do the things you love to do ...bring some passion into your life.....somethings you love to do to share with others.....and give god your fears and worries.....your doubts ...release them ..and give god back some love and appreciation for all the good you see and feel in prayers ...thank him for sticking with you...i thank god all the time ...for sticking with me.....even though i often suck....

 

........find happiness in you and then give it out.....to the world ....shine your light....

 

what do you love to do or see or places you have seen that are beautiful or people you have found to be shining on that makes you think wow this person is awesome....think of these things what are some you can tell me?...deb

[todreaminblue]

schlumpy wrote it has been me myself and i ....

 

when i read your opening [post op that's the first thing that popped into my head was that song by beyonce about being her own best friend in the end....

 

Me, myself, and I

That's all I got in the end

That's what I found out

And it ain't no need to cry

I took a vow that from now on, I'm gonna be my own best friend

 

 

when i was looking up the lyrics there are so many songs with those lyrics about me myself and i so many song writers have written about me myself and i.....which makes me think there are a lot of multiple personalities walking around,more than i thought there was....;0)

 

in saying that you have your own in built best friend...god is with you always.....he knows you better than anyone else can ..he knows your mind your heart your weaknesses and he loves you regardless...he aches for you to talk to him..actually aches.....he waits ever patient.....unlike us human who basically want immediate gratification for our devotion....he is patience and love personifed...

 

do some soul searching and you will become what you seek.....a best friend to yourself and a best friend to others who will feel blessed to have you in their lives....

 

do the things you love to do ...bring some passion into your life.....somethings you love to do to share with others.....and give god your fears and worries.....your doubts ...release them ..and give god back some love and appreciation for all the good you see and feel in prayers ...thank him for sticking with you...i thank god all the time ...for sticking with me.....even though i often suck....

 

........find happiness in you and then give it out.....to the world ....shine your light....you be springsummer all rolled into one gorgeous package... which is who you are.....you are springsummer.

 

what do you love to do or see or places you have seen that are beautiful or people you have found to be shining on that makes you think wow this person is awesome....think of these things what are some you can tell me?...deb

[schlumpy]

schlumpy wrote it has been me myself and i ....

 

 

in saying that you have your own in built best friend...god is with you always.....he knows you better than anyone else can ..he knows your mind your heart your weaknesses and he loves you regardless...he aches for you to talk to him..actually aches.....he waits ever patient.....unlike us human who basically want immediate gratification for our devotion....he is patience and love personifed...

 

do some soul searching and you will become what you seek.....a best friend to yourself and a best friend to others who will feel blessed to have you in their lives....

 

do the things you love to do ...bring some passion into your life.....somethings you love to do to share with others.....and give god your fears and worries.....your doubts ...release them ..and give god back some love and appreciation for all the good you see and feel in prayers ...thank him for sticking with you...i thank god all the time ...for sticking with me.....even though i often suck....

 

........find happiness in you and then give it out.....to the world ....shine your light....you be springsummer all rolled into one gorgeous package... which is who you are.....you are springsummer.

 

what do you love to do or see or places you have seen that are beautiful or people you have found to be shining on that makes you think wow this person is awesome....think of these things what are some you can tell me?...deb

 

I guess I was a bit cryptic. I thought the question was about friends I have here on Earth. God is already present in my life and I walk with him daily. Please understand that I'm going through a transition at the moment and have been for while. My wife, due to MS, has very slowly lost her mobility over the years until she is practically housebound. Back in the 1990's we used to travel every year to Yellowstone and Glacier National parks. Then she had her diagnosis in 2000 and I've watched her go from being able to walk all day - to just half the day - to not being able to walk around the block - to struggling back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. As her world has diminished - so has mine.

It is difficult to maintain active friendships because I can't leave the house for more then 3 hours. So I concentrate instead on reading and improving my guitar skills when I'm not tending my wife.

I am also trying hang on to my role as a husband as I become more and more a caretaker. It's a difficult time so I talk with God at night before I sleep and I imagine his hand over my home providing protection.

I do thank your for your sentiments.

[d0nnivain]

schlumpy

 

I am so sorry for your wife & you. Look into getting some respite care. Caregivers need to practice good self care or they aren't any good to themselves or their loved ones. I think Easter Seals has a program where you can find cost effective help

[schlumpy]

Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

how often do you find yourself want to 'cry'? and do you have a shoulder to cry on?

 

Do you have people in your life that you can count on who will just listen to you and give you words of wisdom or just be patient with you?

 

I used to have some friends, but I doubt any one will really want to listen to me. Now few 'friends' I have that I am sure don't want to listen to me.

 

I long to have someone in real life who will just rent a sympathetic ear. How and where I can find such person? a couple of persons I am chatty with at lunch, but it's not appropriate to expose too personal issue and deepest fears.

 

maybe no one really like whiny people? heck, even paid counselors have no patient for my issues. but I am really often deeply bothered by various issues. What should I do?

 

Thankful for this platform...

 

I find talking to myself is much cheaper than an overpaid and idiot therapist (good therapists, however, are a rarity)

 

I'd offer to listen to your issues, but I might flirt with you considering I'm not a therapist, not a doctor, and not really all that polite. However, it'd be a listening ear / eyes.