Leaving my family behind

[Cornputer]

I have decided to start documenting my journey in general, with leaving my family being the goal.

 

Mother is an abusive witch and I have finally reached my limit. I felt pity for her when she was diagnosed with cancer, tried to be nice when she acted civil, but I realized that she really will never change. It's like she enjoys putting me down, acting like she doesn't care about me while loving on my siblings and spreading bad rumors about me. I'm not sure what her problem is and I don't really care anymore either. She brought me into this damn world, why hate me for being here then. She's so far gone and too full of herself to even realize it.

 

I have sneaked away from my home country many times without their knowledge. My family never knew where I was and I don't feel bad for being secretive about it. I'm a 20 year old adult and they have previously invaded my privacy in disgusting ways, so now my personal life is none of their business.

 

In September I will leave for a month. Told mother about it and she is disappointed for whatever reason (I have all my finances, job situation, everything is under control). I don't care what she thinks, really. I decided to tell her about my plans because this is still kind of a big deal, she decided to have a problem with it so whatever, I don't have to come back if that's what she'd prefer.

 

I am coming up with a plan to leave my country for good next year nevertheless. Luckily I have many good people around who are willing to support me through the first few months.

 

Mother has made me feel crazy many times for being hurt by her actions. For a while I really did think I was being dramatic and too sensitive, I believed her gaslighting. I have finally come to a realization that I'm a normal 20 year old whose mother happens to be manipulative and cruel. I love my sister and dad dearly, it is a shame that her hate and bitterness poisons any love I have for my family still.

 

I will stick to my values and start moving towards peace, one day at a time now.

[d0nnivain]

Good for you.

 

When I finally left home my mother didn't talk to me for almost 2 years. She actually told people I was dead.

 

After my father got us back together our relationship was much improved because my mother had come to respect me & that made all the difference.

[amaysngrace]

Do what works best for you. It’s your life and if you’re okay with your decisions then that’s really all that matters.

[preraph]

Yeah, you don't have to stick around if you're the designated dog our family throws rocks at. You can do what you want and see her as much or as little as you want.

[The Outlaw]

It's absolutely disgusting that anyone would find the slightest reason, if any reason to dislike you, hate you, or spread rumors about you. Leaving them behind after what she's done is the best thing you can do. Sometimes you just have to watch after yourself.

[vla1120]

I'm happy for you! The more you are out on your own and gain real world experiences, the more confident you'll feel that your decision was a good one for you. You can always maintain a closeness with your sister and father and maybe, with time, your mother will start to realize that she needs to treat you better if she wants to have a relationship with you. If not, that's her problem, not yours!

[Dandelioness]

It's really important to keep things in perspective and trust yourself. If you feel this is the healthiest choice for you, by all means, grab that bull by the horns. It won't be easy though.

 

Even with a dysfunctional family, you may hit some lows along the way when your new reality smacks you in the face. You'll miss them. You may want to reconnect. You may even forget how horrible they were and down play things a bit. Lonliness is heavy. Stay strong though and rebuild. Please seek counseling when you're on the other side. The more support you have, the better the recovery.

 

I admire how you already have this awareness and plan at such a young age. I moved out of home when I was 18 years old. I didn't begin to understand my dysfunctional family BS until I was 40 (3 years ago).. a whole lot of wasted time.