Hurt & disappointed :(((( !

[Elliemma]

I'll try to keep this as brief as I can....my partner and I got together from both being previously married. I felt there was something different and special about him. He was very attentive and said and did a lot of wonderful things to make me feel so special. However, because my mental state wasn't great after i left my marriage, not for any other reason other than circumstances one goes through, I felt he wasn't there for me, he was concerned why I kept him a secret but that was purely until I got myself sorted properly. He felt he didn't have my full attention. So when I felt him pulling back arguments would start and I broke up with him quite a few times before the main split. I finished with him last February and a week later he picked up wth someone else. It lasted for about 2/3 months but within that time, he put it all over social media, radio show, took her to the same places we had been and so on. He basically replicated our relationship with another....... We got back together but now its very different. We did discuss the hurt caused by both of us, but not in great detail. He admitted that what he did was malicious but his attitude has an air of arrogance about it. Basically it was my fault what he did. Some days I'm ok and some days Im still really hurt... I do go over things mainly to help myself but its not doing much good. He wants to drop it. Im feeding his ego and I hate myself for that. I'd love some help!!!!!!

Edited May 14, 2019 by Elliemma

[preraph]

You still don't know this guy that well and are learning things about him, so don't get too comfortable until you find out what else he's capable of. What he just showed you is you are disposable and replaceable.

[mark clemson]

(From his perspective) he was nice, but got hurt anyhow. Now he's being not so nice.

 

You have a fine line to walk - you don't want to reward negative behavior, but you don't want to push back too hard or you continue building the resentment and possibly push him away for good.

 

Not an easy situation. It might make more sense to simply be done with him. If you can't, keep trying to walk the fine line as best you can.

 

Whatever else happens, don't let him turn you into a doormat.

[Mr. Lucky]

However, because my mental state wasn't great after i left my marriage, not for any other reason other than circumstances one goes through, I felt he wasn't there for me, he was concerned why I kept him a secret but that was purely until I got myself sorted properly.

 

You seem to gloss over the possibility that things were difficult for him also. By your own admission, you treated him poorly and wouldn't even publicly admit to the relationship.

 

Seems to be plenty of equal responsibility for any hurt caused to be shared all around. If things are good now, I'd focus on that and leave the past behind...

 

Mr. Lucky

[chillii]

Yeah that's what l was thinking.

And how many times did you dump him before the final one anyway ?

That'd be enough to make most people get a bit pissed even f he wasn't perfect.

The rest , yeah l dunno , sounds pretty glossed over to me too.

[snowcones]

You need to get over it and move past what happened if you really want this relationship. Just forget about it.

[Mrin]

Sorry OP. It was your fault. You kept him at arms length and then picked arguments with him when you felt him pulling back. You broke up with him many times before breaking up for good. Then he went on to have a short relationship with another woman after you dumped him. Now he's back with you.

 

You are trying desperately to find some way to be the victim here. You even resort to reading "arrogance" into his words of apology. He has nothing to apologize for by the way. You broke up with him. He started dating someone else. Went to some of the same places he took you. So what.

 

Am I missing something?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I'll try to keep this as brief as I can....my partner and I got together from both being previously married. I felt there was something different and special about him. He was very attentive and said and did a lot of wonderful things to make me feel so special. However, because my mental state wasn't great after i left my marriage, not for any other reason other than circumstances one goes through, I felt he wasn't there for me, he was concerned why I kept him a secret but that was purely until I got myself sorted properly. He felt he didn't have my full attention. So when I felt him pulling back arguments would start and I broke up with him quite a few times before the main split. I finished with him last February and a week later he picked up wth someone else. It lasted for about 2/3 months but within that time, he put it all over social media, radio show, took her to the same places we had been and so on. He basically replicated our relationship with another....... We got back together but now its very different. We did discuss the hurt caused by both of us, but not in great detail. He admitted that what he did was malicious but his attitude has an air of arrogance about it. Basically it was my fault what he did. Some days I'm ok and some days Im still really hurt... I do go over things mainly to help myself but its not doing much good. He wants to drop it. Im feeding his ego and I hate myself for that. I'd love some help!!!!!!

 

You wanted him back and now you got him back, why are you regretting your decision?

 

You can always, you know, leave again?

 

While I do advocate ironing out past issues to make future issues stemming from them nonexistent, perhaps it's an issue you'll have to agree to disagree to. You weren't together at that time, so therefore, had this been someone completely new - you'd have no say in what that person did before you. Treat him as such - a new person, and hopefully he returns the favor.