Advice on mom and boyfriend

[Jess]

I have a ridiculous problem that I need solved. I started dating a man of whom is best friends with my older brother. He has been interested in me for over a year and when I ended my last relationship, he approached me. Well, this man has been married before and my parents had to sit down with him and discuss us seeing one another. Knowing that he is a nice guy, they agreed that we could date. Keep in mind that I am 21 years old and I still live with my parents, unfortunately. Anyways, me and this guy dated about a month when his psychotic ex girlfriend came back into the picture. He says he wants nothing to do with her because she abused him and treated him terribly. He sat down with her and told her that he did not want anything to do with her because he was seeing me. This made her even more angry and she kept on pursueing him. One day I went over to his apartment and caught her there, he said she came over to tell him she had some kind of brain disease (possible mulitple sclerosis) and that she needed to talk to him about it. I agreed and left. Well, the next day he called me and told me that he couldnt see me right now because of his problems with her not leaving him alone and that he cared about me and still wanted to see me and that he would come over that night to discuss us. That same night me and one of my friends were out and she wanted to know where he lived, so I took her by there and to my surprise the ex was there. I went to the door and she answered it telling me that he was her boyfriend and that they were getting married, that he called her that morning telling her he loved her and that they had just slept together. He didnt say a word when she said all this stuff and he told me to just leave that he didnt want me to be around her and that he needed to talk to her to apparently get rid of her. The ex ordered him to get into her car now and he left me crying and drove off with her. Devestated, I called my brother and mom and told them what happened. Well a couple of days past and I got in touch with him and asked him what happened, he said that his ex lied about them sleeping together and everything else. He said she told me that just so she could get rid of me. And that he was sorry that all that happened and that he had made some very wrong mistakes and that he cared about me and wanted to be with me and not her. Excited and forgiving, I agreed that I wanted to be with him. Problem, when I told my mother she freaked out and wont even let me talk to see him. I havent spoken to her in over a week and I am resentful to her because she is treating me this way. What can I do to make her understand that we want to be together and that what she thinks happened with his ex were lies. Please give me some advice, I care about this man and dont want to lose him.

[Laurynn]

Wow, you've been through a lot, I'm sorry.

 

I have to say though, I can certainly understand your Mom's position, and how she feels about this guy.....and her wanting to protect you from him.

 

Things don't add up in this story. Sometimes "seeing the forest for the trees" takes years of living.....and chances are, your Mom can see things more objectively than you can.

 

If this guy was really through with this gal, he would have NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING to do with her. She would not be at his place, period. If she's not leaving him alone, he could get a restraining order. If she's as loony as he portrays her to be, he should want NOTHING to do with her, bottom line. This 'stuff' about her having health problems, sounds to me like it's nothing more than a pathetic ploy to guilt him back into her life.

 

Now...that day when you went over there and she told you (what the HELL was she doing there to begin with??) he and she were getting married, they'd recently had sex, bla bla.......and he just stood there and didn't deny any of it, and allowed this wingnut to disrespect you like that...then he drives off with her.........sorry but this guy is a LOSER. Someone should send him a pack of golf balls for his next birthday, cuz he's certainly got none (balls).

 

Something's not right here. It appears to me that he's playing you both......and this can only lead to major heartbreak for you.

 

I know you have strong feelings for him and that my telling you to skid his butt isn't going to be taken very well, but hun, this guy is not truthful and he's not respecting you at all. Your Mom sees this as plain as day and she's only trying to protect you. If I was your friend, I'd do the same thing.

 

Please..take some time to rethink things......this guy sounds like a player.....and someone who's still carrying on with his ex g/f. You deserve someone who will make YOU the focus of their life......and you deserve someone you can trust implicitly.

 

L