KiwiMe Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 Hi there, I'm seeking advice/anecdotes and preferences on contemporary etiquette on asking a woman out. Context on me; mid forties, single, healthy, fit and happy man. I live alone (happily), love my work, great relationships with my adult daughter and step kids as well as their mum. Socially at ease and I enjoy the company of women, romantically I love strong, independant women. In relationships I love that experience of supporting and enjoying the private side of her. Now to my question I see women I find really attractive. Respect and not sexualising/objectifying a person with unwanted attention is important. So what thoughts, insights can you offer on when/if and how to appropriately signal interest/attraction, and to ask a woman out, without giving offence or creating unwanted attention? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 Age doesn't change basic etiquette. Smile say hello, strike up a conservation. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 are you talking IRL or online? Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 "Mature" women or women of substance can detect BS a mile away. If you're sincere about your intentions, she will sense that and it will / should work for you. There are no "tricks" to this process when it comes to dating women with integrity and class. Good luck. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 Same procedure: Introduce yourself, start up a light conversation, ask to take her out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
OrangeSunshine Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 When I was single, confidence and a smile would always get me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 KiwiMe, you sound like a nice guy. Just be friendly, smile, and start a conversation. If the woman doesn't respond well, just move along, no harm, no foul. If she smiles and talks then follow her lead and see where it goes. Just be aware and sensitive to the response you get, proceed appropriately, and you shouldn't have any problems. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 I've found that being fairly aggressive and upfront usually worked well for me, as long as I Ieft the woman an out and paid attention to the energy I was getting back. The first comment I made to my wife actually annoyed her a great deal, but she hadn't heard anything like it before and in a subtle way it left no doubt I was attracted to her. It got us talking and the rest is history. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 Age doesn't change basic etiquette. Smile say hello, strike up a conservation. this^^^^^^ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 if you approach a woman with true integrity and class, she will be no less than that to approach and talk too....she will respect you and treat you with class whether its no or yes.....she will be friendly..... and you will feel comfortable because integrity is also about how others feel around them and interacting , not just how a woman holds herself in social settings she cares about others........ so as other posters have suggested ...smile, say hello, introduce yourself and talk......best wishes...deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 Yeah , l found it just the same as always when l wound up back out there after 20yrs. The same in that way anyway. But it was incredible how different women were in other ways to the fun happy go lucky girls l use to know in my 20s. Everyone is scared and been through God knows what , and running from the tiniest thing, trying to avoid being hurt or mistakes again, defensive and shoot first and self sabotaging, most with many huge issues they hadn't worked through or often even just totally unaware of yet obviously messing them up. And , l found when the crunch came , l wasn't much better either. Seems the scars of life is where things are very very different when we end up out there again older. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 Age doesn't change basic etiquette. Smile say hello, strike up a conservation. Agree. Don't make them feel like an object, be a good conversationalist who values what they have to say, and it won't be difficult . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KiwiMe Posted May 18, 2019 Author Share Posted May 18, 2019 (edited) And , l found when the crunch came , l wasn't much better either. chillii, that quote I just love, my hand is up too. Edited May 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KiwiMe Posted May 18, 2019 Author Share Posted May 18, 2019 If the woman doesn't respond well, just move along, no harm, no foul. If she smiles and talks then follow her lead and see where it goes. Just be aware and sensitive to the response you get, proceed appropriately, and you shouldn't have any problems. Got it, very clear and encouraging, thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KiwiMe Posted May 18, 2019 Author Share Posted May 18, 2019 are you talking IRL or online? I'm talking, IRL Link to post Share on other sites
Author KiwiMe Posted May 18, 2019 Author Share Posted May 18, 2019 (edited) There are no "tricks" to this process when it comes to dating women with integrity and class. Thanks, not looking for a trick, but not wanting to be offensive and create discomfort. Not keen to hit on a woman who just wants to go about her stuff without unwanted attention. Edited May 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 (edited) chillii, that quote I just love, my hand is up too. Thanks kiwi but it's pretty sad isn't it, damn. Edited May 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyLibertyBelle Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 The only advice I would share apart from what others have said about sincerity is that mature dating is a bit different than in your 20’s when most people were very carefree and had little responsibility/ commitments. It may take a little more time to get the date, don’t rush it, just smile, be genuine and be interested in what they have to say, and don’t rush in to ask for the date in the first 3 minutes. Good luck! I’d love to have a decent man approach me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 Treat them as you would anyone else. Strike up a conversation. Make small talk. Smile. Listen. And when you feel you've gotten to know any woman you maybe interested in, ask her out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 Ok so you're talking about approaching a stranger, a woman you see in public. You should make your intentions clear fairly quickly. If you engage in small talk, before you know it, she'll need to leave and go about her day. You certainly don't have time to get to know her and why should she let you know her when you'll never see each other again. And it would be rude to ask many question. Mature women are out in the world talking to men (client, plumber, accountant, coach, etc. etc.) She does not think romance just because the person happens to be male. So she may chat with you and that means nothing. You need to be more flirtatious off the bat so that by the time (you haven't a lot of time) you ask her out, she already has the idea of you in terms of dating. And if you start off flirtatious with a woman who's unavailable, she'll let you know quickly (and with some finesse) so that you won't ask her out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 If it's a situation where you probably won't see her again and don't have a lot of time then throw out a line of conversation, make good eye contact and then read her response and energy. If it's positive, use what reasonable time you have to continue the conversation and go for her number before she departs. If you get weird or negative vibes then exit stage left. The only way you should come off creepy or bothersome is if you are creepy or you can't pick up on get lost vibes. Link to post Share on other sites
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