HadMeOverABarrel Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 OP, this is such an instructional thread with so many good posts. I hope it helps you tremendously. It is sure to help many who read it. I've been going through a rough patch lately, but your thread and the replies on it have given me hope. Thanks for that! Wishing you the best! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolita888 Posted May 29, 2019 Share Posted May 29, 2019 It always amazes me how these cheaters reacts after they got caught. They never felt anything during their years of infidelity but now they act all faithful. I feel sorry for your daughter. Finding out about her mother's infidelity must be painful and who knows if she really stopped all of her connection to that OM. It is sad that you had to ruin (almost) your life because of it. It is understandable but at the same time it shows your weakness. You need not to tell your wife. It may just become a reason for her to justify her infidelity. But if you really feel the need to confess to your wife, then go ahead. If you think it will help you then go ahead. She may understand feel guilty for what she has done. Like they said maybe it is better to have a therapy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 29, 2019 Share Posted May 29, 2019 Bad behavior by your wife does not justify bad behavior on your part. You need to man up and tell her what's been going on. You are obligated to let her know that you may have exposed yourself to disease and you both need to be tested. Now is not the time for wallowing and self-pity. You expected and demanded repentant behavior from your wife, which I am sure included transparency and you owe her the same in order to climb the level that your wife is operating at in terms of salvaging the relationship, etc. Don't waste anymore time. I'm not one to sugarcoat issues or coddle a person who is operating with a victim mentality. It's time to be a survivor and get on the road that will allow you to look back on all this and recognize it as something of an accomplishment to have risen out of the ashes of crisis instead of looking back and saying "I should have done more". You owe it to your daughter. Get into individual and couples counseling immediately and get to a doctor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 47Knucklehead Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 Thank you all for the encouragement and the kicks in the ass. I will be entering a 45 day rehab next week. I have been attending Narcotics Anonymous at a chapter near my house every night for the last week. I have not used in three days, which is a personal best so far. Hoping I can make it to next week. My wife knows all the sordid details of what I have been up to, and on her part she has been remembering more details of her own affair that she has been telling me (without prompting). Some of what she has told me has stung badly, and I almost walked out on her again a couple nights ago. But, I really do think she is contrite and remorseful. She is more concerned with my emotional health and well being than her own. And I have tried to hold myself accountable. The last time I scored I called her and told her. She didn't get mad, she just asked me to come home. She knows I'm an addict. She has not berated me for it nor has she enabled me. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 Best way is to go today. Next week may be too late. I say that from experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 Are you ok? You have had a sh*$#y couple of years. Good luck at rehab, take it all in it can only help, learn to love yourself, then you can focus on others. You wife’s infidelity is very hurtful, but she sounds remorseful for her actions. Forgive your self, alcohol, is a bitch, it is socially acceptable and is legal, sorry to say you, need to stop this now. Like other addictions, it needs to be replaced with another addiction, gym, hobbies, evening walks with you love ones. All your actions after DD was made under the influence of alcohol and drugs. That is NOT you! Use the tools from rehab. That is what rehab is for, grasp this as a helping hand from above, karma, you guiding spirit etc. Don’t go hard on you wife, even when rehab is completed, she can be your greatest asset in recovery get her actively involved. She will learn your triggers and will be able to assist you. Be carful whilst in rehab you are vulnerable and I have seen many inpatients form EAs whilst there. Form friendship, but keep your wife as your rock! Let your beautiful daughter in as well she is your baby who has love for you. Please update after rehab we all feel for you and some want you to be happy with you WW. But you need clear head, a clear spirit, a clear mind, this can’t be done with a clouded Judgment. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. Remember the monkey is always on your back. Your support structure can be your best tool or assets in helping you. Don’t go too hard on yourself, sobriety can be counted in hours, days week months then years. If you falter get back up and back on the sobriety bus. One day at a time brother, or even one hour at a time. Life is short be good and kind to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 47Knucklehead Posted June 4, 2019 Author Share Posted June 4, 2019 I'm doing as well as expected. Last night was super hard. Withdrawals really bad. I was climbing the walls. My wife stayed up with me and helped me through it. She has taken a week off work to stay with me until I start inpatient, and she has been working to get me in earlier. I may be able to start tomorrow. By the way, someone asked me about STDs. I was checked for them when I was in the hospital a few weeks back, and I was clean. My wife got tested a couple weeks ago and she is clear. But I will be going back to the doctor again to get tested again after I get out of treatment. I have never used needles and I always used protection when I was engaging in sexual activities. So far I have been extremely lucky, and I am thankful for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 47Knucklehead Posted June 9, 2019 Author Share Posted June 9, 2019 I want to thank you all for your ass kicks and kind support. I start my 45 day inpatient treatment tomorrow. I will check back in in the future and let you all know how things are going. God bless. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted June 10, 2019 Share Posted June 10, 2019 I want to thank you all for your ass kicks and kind support. I start my 45 day inpatient treatment tomorrow. I will check back in in the future and let you all know how things are going. God bless. Good luck on the rehab, keep the communication going with you spouse. Don’t form a EA whilst in rehab. Update on completion. You are you be proud, love yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts