Cheating boyfriend

[Liza3741]

Reposting to make it easier to read, please help..

 

So I found out my bf cheated on me this Monday. We had a lot of problems throughout our relationship, so many that I lose count. We had an argument last Thursday he was bottling up a lot inside it turned out he didn’t like I was friends with my ex, I didn’t post about him on social media, he didn’t like that I mentioned my ex, that I didn’t initiate sex, etc. He broke down and vented, he left my home, and I had asked him to stay. But he didn’t, that night he called me I didn’t really want to talk so I didn’t pick up and just ended up texting him.

 

That Friday he always picks me up from work but he didn’t want to, he wanted a day to himself. I said okay, when I left work I asked to see him he said no, i kept asking he said no. That weekend we didn’t see each other, I was upset he blew me off. Monday we finally saw each other after I got out of work and he ended up cheating on me that Friday with an escort. I was so hurt and in a state of shock. I was so torn between taking him back and not to, I know what is good for me but yet when it comes to it being me it’s so much harder.

 

I ended up talking to him the next two days I ended up finding out that everything we argued he sought to hook up with someone, he had so many secret accounts of porn stars and strippers, he had a secret snap that while we were together he messaged a girl on three separate occasions.

 

I’m still so hurt, I found out a lot about him, in each relationship he ended up texting other girls like this while with someone. It helped to know that this wasn’t my fault, that he had a lot of issues and it wasn’t just me not giving him enough attention and sex. The pain is still there, since it’s fresh, so many lies and secrets. He always thought I had things going on with my male friends but it ended up being him. I talked to him these two days after Monday and I told him that he needed help, to stop lying to stop the secrets,

 

in the end it boils down to him being insecure. He’s insecure in himself and he feels like the person will leave, cheat, so he wants to have power and seeks attention from other girls. He has a lot of issues and insecurities that he put onto me. I didn’t start off as insecure as jealous but in this relationship I’ve grown to be.

 

This is a long post, sorry, just wanted to rant. I am now trying to help him, deal with all his lies and insecurity by seeking to understand and love himself better so he won’t make the same mistake later on in life. I wish in a way I could take him back because I love him, but I know it’s not good for me. All I’m doing now is helping him overcome his issues as a friend.

 

He saw a therapist today and that makes me so glad that hopefully he’ll be able to grow and mature from all this. He’s going to get tested Incase he received anything from having sex with the escort. I am still so hurt broken but little by little I’m feeling like I am not blaming myself for his actions that there was nothing I could of done, he would’ve eventually done this and had lied in the beginning. Don’t get me wrong I made a lot of mistakes but I never crossed the line of cheating.

 

 

He said he loves me, but I honesty don’t think he ever did. He wants to change to be a better person for me or without me, and that makes me glad. I want him to get better but I don’t think I could ever put myself in a position to feel hurt again, my love for him is turning into one of friendship. I forgive him because it’s so much more easier than hating him. I guess, I just want to get stronger. I want to break contact but it’s hard when I love him...

[Michelle ma Belle]

I understand the pain of betrayal, believe me. However, YOU are not the one who should be helping him sort out his issues in order to become a better man.

 

You can love him...from a distance.

 

Keeping yourself in his life and in the loop...as a "friend"...and trying to convince us and especially yourself, you're doing this out of the goodness of your heart because you love him is bologna. Deep down you're hoping he will change or at least try to change so you can take him back.

 

Here is a newsflash for you - chronic cheaters, which is what he is, do NOT change. Or at least it's VERY rare and not without extensive therapy and brutal self-reflection. Even if he was to become a better man, it will take a long time before that happens.

 

Are you willing to put your life on hold for that?

 

I hope not.

 

I'm glad to see that you understand his betrayal is not a reflection of YOU but rather about him and what it is he's lacking in his life. But you need to be even smarter and not remain too close to the flame that burnt you either.

 

None of this is easy but it's important if you want recover from it and not waste any more precious time on someone who just isn't in the same headspace as you.

 

Good luck.